He was getting worse, and he was growing weaker by the day. He was old, and his legs were not hardly working anymore. I would come to offseason every day with tears streaming down my face because I knew what was to come. The first thing that I would ask my mom when I would get in the car after school was, “How is he?”

She would respond by saying, “He isn't good, but he is still alive.”

“Well, at least he's still here.”

“I don't think that he'll last much longer though.”

Trying to hold back the tears, I said, “Me either.”

The rest of the car ride would be filled with silence. Everyday I would come home hoping that he was still in the kitchen waiting for me to come home. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest every time I would open the door because I did not know if he would still be there. Every day I would come in relieved because he was still there. He was still alive, but he was far from well. He looked so weak and helpless. His back legs were slowly losing the strength to hold him up. It got so bad that we would have to pick him up to move him because his legs would just collapse underneath him. He could barely nibble on the smallest bit of food, which was a huge red flag considering that he was always ready to devour whatever was put in front of him. He was also losing the ability to hold a tennis ball in his mouth. This was also a huge red flag, because he used to be able to hold three at one time. I remember him going after the ball several times, even if it was in the heat of the summer. He loved it so much that we would have to make him stop, because if we didn’t, he would keep going until he passed out. Since he loved chasing the ball so much, him not being able to even keep one in his mouth made my heart sink. After this was going on for about a week, we were considering putting him down. We told ourselves that if he did not pass away by Sunday, then that was what we were going to do. At this point, he was not living anymore, he was just surviving. We saw it from the perspective that he is suffering, and it would be selfish to keep him alive just because we didn't want to let him go.

It was a frigid and gloomy night in January of 2015. Ajax was not doing well, but I was distracting myself with homework and talking to Ally on FaceTime. Once I finished my work, I called Ally. I was talking to her about school, Ajax, what we were going to do for my birthday, and some other random stuff. She is always there for me when I need her, so I knew that she was going to cheer me up. We were laughing, and everything was going great. In the middle of our laughter and conversation, I heard someone quickly coming up the stairs. I did not think much of it, because Grace runs up the stairs all of the time. This time it was not part of her daily routine, something was different. She rushed into my room with tears in her eyes. My heart immediately sank, and I froze. With sadness in her voice, she said, “Ajax just died.”

I told Ally, “I'll be right back, I have to go. Stay right here.”

“What happened?,” she said with confusion.

I had already rushed downstairs. When I got downstairs, I saw him. The hyper dog that I had spent most of my childhood with was lying on the floor lifeless. I knew that it was going to be hard, but I never could have imagined this. My family and I just glanced at each other in pure sorrow. No words were spoken, the only thing that I could hear was the constant sobbing and sniffling of my family. After standing in silence for awhile, we started reminiscing on all of the memories that we had made with Ajax over the years. We all told stories about things about him that had made us laugh, like when he ate an entire football. When Ajax was little, he chewed like a madman, everything in sight would be completely demolished. Because of this, we would always be careful to put everything up after we were done playing outside, because we knew that Ajax would chew it up if we didn’t. One day, we forgot to put up Hudson’s football. We tried looking for it, but we couldn’t find it. A couple days later, we realized that Ajax had eaten the entire football, bladder and all. We weren’t happy about it at the time, but now we laugh so hard every time someone mentions that story. It will never be forgotten. We also told the story about when we got him. I was super little when we got him, and he was such a big dog that I thought he was going to hurt me. I would yell, “He's gonna eat me! He's gonna eat me!” This story is another family favorite that gets its fair share of laughs. Even though we were telling stories and laughing, our hearts were still heavy. I think that we were using the funny stories to help us cope with what was happening in the present. After we finished talking for a bit, I decided to go upstairs to tell Ally what had happened. When I got upstairs, she was waiting for me on FaceTime. She asked me, “ What happened? Are you okay?”

Barely able to get the words out, I said, “Ajax just died.”


She said, “Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.”


“I just miss him. He was just here, and now he's gone,” I said filled with sorrow.


“At least he's not suffering anymore.”


“Yeah, he was getting really weak, and it was really hard to watch.”

I ended FaceTime and went downstairs to say my final goodbye before we were going to have to bury him. When I got downstairs, I saw Hudson laying over Ajax, and he was bawling. That made me sob even more because Hudson never cries. Seeing him cry so hard killed me.

It was now time to bury him. We picked him up with an old sheet and headed outside. This was a struggle within itself because he was such a huge dog. When we got to the hole that my dad had been digging, it was not big enough, so he had to make it bigger. After standing for about forty five minutes to an hour in the freezing cold, we finally buried him. His burial really hit me hard because I realized that that was the very last time that I would ever see him. I would always have the memories and the pictures, but I would never get to physically see his smiling face or pet his fluffy fur ever again. I could not stop crying. We all headed inside in silence. No words were said, we were all so speechless. I felt like I had just lost a little part of myself. As dramatic as that sounds, Ajax was such a big part of my life. I had grown up with him, and he was a part of the family. I didn't know what I was going to do without him. I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.

Even though this was a hard time in my life, I got through it, and I am a stronger person because of it. I learned to cherish every second of life, because you never know when it could be your last day. I also saw how much my friends cared about me, and how much I take them for granted sometimes. Melanie was one of those people. I had been telling her everything about how Ajax was doing, and she really helped me through everything. My other friends were super helpful too. They were really there for me when I needed it most. They were a shoulder to cry on, and they also kept me distracted so that I would not think about what was actually going on. They understood how much this had affected me, and they wanted it to be as painless as possible. They were there for anything that I needed, and I really appreciated that.