*all names have been changed for privacy read

My mom has one sibling, a half brother whom she doesn't talk to. So my options for Aunts and Uncles were kind of limited. As a result I grew up knowing my mom's cousins as my Aunts. There were 4 of them, technically 5 but I see the fifth one on such rare occasion that I sometimes forget she exists. Growing I knew my Aunt A the best. She has a son a couple years to younger than me and we played together often. The aunt I knew second best was my Aunt E. My clearest memory of E is sitting with her at the age of 3 or 4 in a Jane-Lew apartment watching the music video for Lonely by Akon. The only reason I'm ranking my Aunt M  fourth is because I never forgot that she existed. While I didn't see her often, I still had unforgettable memories of her. Plus her daughter was my best friend. The aunt that ranks fourth and the entire point of this article is my Aunt J.
   
J pops up throughout my childhood memories. The earliest memory that I have of J is when I was super little, Kindergarten at the oldest, and she had to babysit me. I'm still kind of baffled as to why my grandmother allowed her to watch me. It's not that she wasn't competent, she was. It's just that I didn't know her. That is the first memory I have of her and I'm still not even sure that it was her. But I do remember that she gave me ice cream. It was chocolate I think. The details are really fuzzy. But I remember it was in a house in or near Bridgeport.  The next memory I have of my aunt is when I was in first grade. We had to draw portraits of people and I chose to draw my Aunt J. I guess even at 6 years old I knew that J was one of the most beautiful people ever. I was very proud of that drawing forever; I personally found it to be one of my best. Other than those two memories nothing really sticks out to me until I was 13. I remember her living with her mother, my great aunt D. But I never saw her. Ever. There are three things I remember. One New Year's Eve she stayed with me until midnight because my cousin had fallen asleep. As soon as it struck 12 she left, presumably to party. (I use the term very loosely) I recall another New Year's that S was actually able to stay awake for, J was getting ready for a date. I have no clue who with. In all honestly it's a possibility that it wasn't even New Year's. The last memory of J that sticks out to me is around the time my grandfather had his heart attack. I'm pretty sure it was about 3 months after he had it. It was the summer and I was shuttling between my Great Grandmother's house and My Aunt D's. S and I were watching America's Next Best Dance Crew with J while she got ready for a date.

Let's fast forward to my very clear and very present memories of J. Around my 8th grade year S called me and told me to J was pregnant. I was so happy. I love children and I felt as though I had missed out on bonding with my other younger cousins. So it was kind of like a do over. So all the way up to Alaina being born I was very invested in J. Growing up I'd always heard all of these insanely bad things about J. I'd heard that she was crazy. That she was an alcoholic. That her life wasn't together. Basically from the way my family talked about her they made it seem like she'd wasted her life and would never amount to nothing. No one really held her in that high of regards. I remember having a conversation with S. She feared that due to J's (supposed) alcoholic nature that she would not be capable of properly caring for our child. She said that she was too much of a mess to. I wasn't that close to J at that point in time so I didn't know what to believe. But I had learned that our family has a way of distorting the truth so I wanted to know more about J. I don't believe in bad people. So I made it my mission to know more.

As I learned more about J, I came to make up my own mind about her. J does have her faults, she was kinda b****y, narcissistic, and sometimes egotistical. Plus she has a terrible memory. But our family does not give her enough credit. For all of her faults J had two more superior qualities. For as long as I can remember our family has always treated J poorly. But I've found J to be amazing. She's easy to talk to and she always makes me feel better. I would say that she's like a second mother to me, but she's something way better. She's my aunt. I read this thing that said only an aunt can hug like a mother, share secrets like a sister, and love like a true friend. I've found that to be true. My Aunt J is my favorite person ever. She's so strong and beautiful. She means the world to me. Honestly, in school they always ask us who is someone that we find inspirational. I usually say Lauren Jauregui, but lately I've realized it's J. She's one of my favorite role models and one of my biggest inspirations.(plus she gives amazing hugs) I always know that no matter what problem I have I can go to her and she'll have my best interest in mind. I guess you could kind of say that she's my hero.