A dark feeling I would never be able to explain or forget took over my whole mind, body, and soul. I had just seen her a few days ago and now she’s gone. My downhearted tears burned my cheeks as my world slowly spinned around and came crashing down. My legs started to shake and I could barely hold myself up as I cried in my dad’s arms with my sister. She was barely 9 and to see her cry so forcefully broke my heart even more. My grandma had passed away, my mother’s mother. I had not yet seen my mom and I was too traumatized to form any words from my lips.

My heart raced at the thought of losing her, but once it had actually happened, it felt as if my heart had stopped beating for a good while. I recalled the last time I had talked to her, back in our house in Florida, before she left for Arizona and before I left for Peru. I didn’t say anything important to her, didn’t appreciate the last moment I had with her. All I said was, “Chau abuelita”, “Bye grandma.” If only I knew that was the last time I would ever see her. I would’ve held her tight and said my goodbyes properly, or at least the way I wanted to.

I couldn’t sleep for a bunch of nights and as they went by, it only got worse for me. My heart was in a tremendous amount of pain, and so were my eyes from crying myself to sleep every night the whole summer. I had a headache every morning when I woke up and I would just feel more and more empty. I even started to distance myself from my family without even thinking about how my mom was, or how everyone in my family was feeling.

Although, this experience caused me great pain both physically and emotionally, it developed my mindset and changed me as a person as well. I learned to appreciate things while you still have them and to not take people for granted. Whether it’s your friends, or your family members, you have to recognize and value what you have before it’s gone. It’s sad to think that something like this had to make me realize that, but I realize it now.

It also encouraged me to want to live my life to the fullest as if it was my last day, before it’s gone. One minute you’re alive, well, and happy, surrounded by the ones you love, and the next you could be dead. You never know what is going to happen because you can just die one night out of nowhere. Your heart stops beating and your blood stops pumping through your body, and you’re dead, just like that. Some people have the opportunity to know when their death is impending, and some sadly don’t.

Because of this, you have to learn to let things go and move on. If you’re holding a grudge against somebody and you’ve been holding it the longest, how would it make you feel when you hear that person is not alive anymore? Or if you have gotten into a fight with someone you are close with, and you guys are on bad terms. Wouldn’t your heart break at the thought of that? It hurt me for a long while, trust me, but I left this long, never-ending depression with a few good lessons and a little more experience with life. I can now sleep easily knowing she is in a better place and is watching over me.