It was June 15th of 2012 that had forever changed my family Nothing can describe the pain that had been placed inside of me. It was as though I were a house of cards against the wind and had been knocked down. A moment that had made time stand still; nothing will ever live up to the pain that had been brought to my family my that day. Most days up until this one had been blurred by hot afternoon recess’ and worries spent on my sister, but this one became the black sheep that stood out among all the others. This day was supposed to be a celebration; to glue the straining cracks that threatened to break our family.

The day began with our annual “tunaponacoga”, a tradition as old as time. Every birthday my grandma would make us these special Norwegian crepes; in order to honor our Scandinavian heritage. This year it was a special birthday, it was my eldest sister’s sixteenth birthday. She had dusty blonde hair, freckles, deep blue eyes, and a hurting that had been unknown to us. She had been wronged when we was young, and continued to be wronged by her peers. Her emotions went up and down like a roller coaster, and she seemingly couldn’t get off the perpetual ride. Everyone’s words acted as vines and strapped her in; without any mercy. All of their actions scarred her wrists. Her depression was following her always, like Peter Pan’s shadow. There was never a day where she got a break, not even on her birthday. After we had our annual breakfast we tried to make it memorable, so we tried to take a day to do what she wanted. Yet another tradition to take place that day- late lunch and an early dinner at Kanki.

Our car ride there was like a silent movie; tension in the air but no one was talking. We all were wondering how to act around one another. It was as if we were walking in a field of landmines, never knowing what could explode when. We all had forgotten how to interact as a unit, and how to not set one another off. You could feel the uncertainty sucking the oxygen out of the vehicle every mile we traveled, but we weren’t going to let that ruin the family fun. At last we pulled out of the sun gleaming through the windows and into the shaded parking garage at CrabTree Valley Mall, and someone broke the silence. Nothing breaks  thick cold ice like a joke. The joke tasted like sour lemonade in my mouth; it was bitter sweet. We parked the van and walked into Kanki. As we walked in there was this delicious aroma of different Japanese foods. As we waited for our food we seemed to be strapped onto a carousel of silence; going around and around. The cook soon started our meal and we finally started a conversation, it seemed like the first normal conversation we had had in awhile. During dinner my mother had received a call, and I could sense there was something wrong. She pulled my sister aside and they talked for long time, and soon came back to the table. We tried to regain the ground we had just gained from normalancy, but there had seemed to be a wall of unfamiliarity surrounding us.

My mind was running around in circles trying to figure out as to what had been said on the other line of the phone, but my mind became dizzy from trying to find out what had happened. As we drove home my parents exchanged one of those, “I know we have to talk about it but, we don’t know how to” looks. The ones where they eye each other from the opposite sides of the car. That’s when I knew I had to prepare to take shelter from the hurricane that was going to hit us at any moment. Both my second eldest sister and I had looked at each other with defeated looks in our eyes. The life had been drained from them, we couldn’t take anymore punches that life had seem to be dolling out for us. We waited for what we know was only two and a half minutes but had seemed as though it were two and a half hours. My father finally opened his mouth and informed us my mother had something important to tell us. The new sixteen year old  seemed unphased, she had completely disassociated herself from anyone and anything. She disconnected herself from life as though she were an electrical cord and it was just so easy to unplug herself from it. My mother opened her mouth and I could see she still didn’t believe the words she were speaking. That’s when all of the s*** had hit the fan.

We were all trying to figure out how everything had gotten so messy, but all of the pieces seemed to belong to a different puzzle. I felt as though I were laying there bare, with nothing else to lose. My sister would be leaving tonight for Chicago and be staying at a health institution for her mental illnesses. There was nothing anybody could say to me to put me back together. I was a ripped cloth doll with nothing able to sew me back together. After an eternity of crying out for help in my mind we got home. We didn’t want to accept the fact she had to leave, though we wanted her to better herself and wanted to cease her pain. Just like the joke that was told at dinner the whole situation was as bitter sweet as lemonade. There was only a few hours left in the day until the day ran out like Karianas time with us. We Stopped by target for supplies deemed acceptable by the hospital; there were many regulations. We had to buy her things for her like an electric razor and shampoo with no alcohol content along with mouthwash, and she couldn’t bring earrings, necklaces, or belts. This was overwhelming for all of us even though we were not the ones who were being admitted.

We prepared to say goodbye all I felt was a sadness as vast as the galaxy. There was no end, and I didn’t know how we were supposed to continue after this. Then it dawned on me that Kariana was broken too. Her world just as mine, had been toppling down all around her, but hers would crash down every single day. There was a battle she was fighting everyday. The way I felt hadn’t mattered I had to focus on being strong in order to get my family through this hardship. Although home felt like a sea of madness I knew that we would get through this. As I said goodbye to her I felt the painful memories of the past sneak out and roll down my cheeks, as did the rest of my family. My mother took her to Chicago, to Timberline Knolls, on June 15th 2012. It was one of the first steps in the healing of our family. There was a gap in the shape of my sister in our family, but we needed this to happen in order for Kariana to heal from her experiences. We all missed her and though we were missing her we knew she was getting help. She was able to get out and she had been in and out of hospitals, but we were able to glue back together our once broken household.