People have said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I believe that’s bull s***. Most of my life my father has been absent and I couldn’t love or want him more. As a child I believed that my father had better things to do than come hang out with me. I grew up in a small comfortable home in north Philadelphia, with my mom, dad, and my brothers. I still remember the day my father left the house leaving me, my oldest brother Joshua, and my other older brother Isaac, and my mom behind. All this because he couldn’t stay faithful to my mother or his family. So what is a 4 year old girl to do when her family is falling apart?

  To begin, I still remember the day my mother walked up to my father giving him the divorce papers. It was a sunny and cloud-free day. My father was mid conversation when my mom walked in and said, “ here are the papers, sign them and give them back” and walked off. I remember the last thing I saw was that smile all my dad’s face left.Then it all goes blank. I don’t remember anything after that it just ends like my parent’s relationship.

  As a child my father was always distant to my siblings and I. Unfortunately, whenever my father cared to hang out with his kids it was just my brother because - my parents words it’s not a girl thing. I grew up hating those words. I didn’t care if only boys went I just wanted to be with my dad. Also whenever he did say we were going somewhere he never actually cared to go through with his plans. I remember once he said he would come get us at 6pm, 12am came and he never came. My mom told us lets go to sleep he isn’t coming and we went to sleep and this cycle of lies repeated over and over again.

  I would say I grew up as a happy child, but that hope in every child faded and I gave up on the belief that all people are good. After many times of disappointment from false hope I said that’s it I can’t do this anymore. The person who is supposed to protect and love you slowly broke my hopes for people. My father wasn’t the best, but I still love him. I don’t know why, but I guess it’s hard to hate the one who made you the way you are. As I write this I realize that I won’t change anything about my father, he can be a child as long as he wants, but don’t expect me to be waiting when you want to come back.

  As for my brothers, my oldest brother Joshua gave up on all hope that he would change and moved on. My brothers had to see a therapist after the divorce for they had some problems with behavior in and out of school. My father says all the time that he loves and misses us, but I recently have come to question that statement. Let’s continue, my other older brother Isaac, unfortunately or fortunately- I truly don’t know yet- still has hope for my dad. I grew up seeing my brother getting his hopes up just to have my father knock them down. I haven’t told him yet, but it hurts to see my father break my brother piece by piece. I hope he soon sees that he is losing the love of his children and that’s hard to get back.

  After about 8 to 10 year after the divorce, I learned that both my brothers are still in contact with my dad. I hadn’t talked to my father since two months before. He said he texted me once, but I never responded. I didn’t honestly care if he did or didn’t, it didn’t change my mind or feelings towards him. My brother Isaac still worships the ground my father walks on. I sometime argue with him that our dad is not worthy of your pain and time. I see now that I was wrong for as dad he wasn’t all bad. For the fact that he chose to marry my mother and not someone who doesn’t care about her kid like him. I’m happy that he found my mother.

  Here’s something else, my brother Joshua just graduated high school. Surprise-surprise guess who didn’t show up, yes my father, but my uncle stepped in and came to support him. My uncle was like a second father for my brothers and I, and I love him for it. He is only is 22 and is more mature than my father will ever be. My father lives like he is still a child with no responsibility, but we both know he does. So to my uncle I just want to say thank you for being a better man and helping your sister, my mother with us because we know we’re a handful.
  

  Finally, to my present time in high school I still deal with the things I went through as a child. My family has moved on, evolved, and grown. My mother got remarried to my stepdad who honestly is one of the coolest person I know. As for my brothers they are pretty great too. Joshua is working and joined the army and is very happy about it. Isaac is less of an ass to me and my family, but don’t think he doesn’t try to be. He is a want to be playboy at heart, but I love him for it. My mother is happy with her recent marriage and tries to live a happy married life. So to my fathers as well as others I leave you with this. Don’t think, “well my kids already hate me” because we as kids as hard as we want to we can’t. All a kid wants is to love and be loved by his family and you are family. So grow up and be responsible for your children they still and will always need you.