I often realize someone’s impact on my life after they’re gone. Losing a friend or family member is debilitating, and at sometimes confusing. My initial feelings in situations of loss can only be described as a surreal. Understanding and coping with loss can help one improve their other relationships and their overall life experience. I believe I am a better person after times where I feel like all is lost.

In the summer after seventh grade, my family took a trip to India. My grandfather’s health was slowly deteriorating and we all knew he didn’t have much time. I was able to still talk to him and he was making an effort to have fun with his grandkids. I would sit beside his bed and we would just talk and tell each other our experiences. One week after my family left India, my grandfather died. My grandfather’s passing was the first time I had to experience a loss of someone close to me. This was someone I shared so many vivid memories and moments with. Losing someone makes you think about all the things you didn’t say or do. I think we all have to understand and accept that we will never have another opportunity to say, “I love you.”

In the fourth grade I remember playing on the playground with my group of friends so carefree, I felt so happy. We could do anything in our world we were excited and optimistic.  I lost one of those friends recently to suicide, the loss was surreal, I couldn’t even feel anything. I just sat in my room staring at a wall. The entire situation wouldn’t hit me until a week later. A week in this awkward period wishing it was just a dream. I didn’t want to admit that they were gone, I felt empty. How could someone who shared the same friends and lifestyle as I, be gone?

A common factor in the passing of those close to me was a feeling of regret. That feeling always lingers within my mind no matter what I do. There usually isn’t a reason for me to have feelings of regret, but there always is the what if. I can’t shake those feelings and I don’t think I should. Keeping those thoughts can help me go through my own life with a better perspective. After events like these, I always find myself making decisions to avoid further regrets. Through the losses of friends and family, I believe I can come out stronger, no matter how much it hurts.