I am still a kid, in that I still live in my parents’ house without having the opportunity to move out, I don’t support myself moneywise, I am going to high school and I am under the age where I get to drive a car, drink alcohol and vote. But, this past year, I had the choice to declare that I was now a man. Having a bar mitzvah was my choice. (I have said the same thing like three times so here we go again.) All of the extra responsibility that was suddenly thrust upon me was my choice. It had nothing to do with me turning 13, but rather me feeling like I want to be more engaged in making choices that will impact my life in the future.

Being a man is not something I always embrace. Sometimes I use the “I am a man” card to get me out of labor or chores. When I do this, my parents say that I need to help my younger brother, and that he can't do it all on his own. I say, “Oh yeah? Well, I don’t see my co-adults in this room helping out either, so why should I?” Then they just end up giving me the pots and pans to do instead. This method usually just backfires because I end up having to do harder chores that parents don't usually delegate to kids. Another drawback of manhood is that whenever my brother and I get into a fight, you can bet I hear my mother say, “Julian, my almost 14-year-old, my Jewish man, you’re the older one and I am always going to expect more from you.” Because I’m older, my mother expects me to de-escalate a conflict before it becomes a fight. But, most of the fights that I start aren’t meant to be fights. I’m just trying to make a point. My challenge is knowing how to channel my feelings into something more constructive than an argument. Sometimes I just want to be the younger one because then I get mom on my side. I suppose, when it comes to arguments and household responsibilities (that become harder and more tedious as I grow older), I still want to be a kid.

Another thing I don’t embrace about manhood is the heavier workload which can bring adult stress. I believe this should never be imposed upon a child. A heavier workload takes away from the free/fun/daydreaming time that children should have. Adult stress is what my mother hates to suffer from. One of the adult stresses I now have is the 10 ½-hour homework load. Okay, eight of those hours are assigned sleeping hours and the other 2.5 is actual homework, but that is still a lot of time. Yes, I know that I took this upon myself by choosing my current school, but it’s still hard. As my poppa human says, “Never stop playing because it will ruin your life.” The trick to mitigating stress is to find the balance between play and work. This can be done by breaking up your afternoon and evening into small periods of time. This semester, I plan to work for a set amount of time 35-55 minutes and then get up to play for 5-10 min. It's quite simple if you ask me. Playing makes you forget your stresses for a moment and, best of all, it is super fun.

My choosing to have my bar mitzvah helped me grow in multiple ways. First, it helped me because I had to be efficient with my homework; I got to my bar mitzvah sessions on time so I could finish all of my tutor Arik work in time for class. Before this, on Mondays, I didn't have to do anything immediately, so I just fooled around until my mom came home. Then, she would crack down on me and make me do the work I was planning to put off until after dinner. However, when I had sessions with Arik, I got tired of having less time after dinner so I had to change my routine and do my work beforehand. The prep helped me get more organised but the ritual helped me as well. During my bar mitzvah, I started with my welcoming, but, before that, Arik and I bantered a bit. Later, in the middle of the second aliyah, I completely screwed up my section. My face got a bit redder and I looked to my best friend; she gave me a smile and a thumbs up and I got my panic and sweat glands under control. This taught me that if I want to control my emotions, I can and I will always have a friend there to help me and support me.

Manhood is complex; it is not always good and it is not always bad either. But, while I’ve had this ceremony, I am still a kid who can’t drive, drink or move out of my parents’ house. As a teen living in my parents’ houses, I do have some independence though. For example, I chose to have a bar mitzvah and this choice helped me grow in many ways; but, for me, with growth comes the need to play, and I will never stop playing. There is this thing called adult stress that some kids have, and this is one of the biggest reasons that children have less time to play. A child should never have too much adult stress because it is unhealthy. Be an man when you need to be but remember: take care of the silly inner child that I know you have.