Dear Beautiful Disaster,

I want to get something straight. I am not writing this for you; I am writing this for me. You left me with an unfulfilled gap in my heart. It has been yearning for closure for far too long. I realized that won’t happen on our own accord. I must force it. I will say my goodbye and we will be done.

We were young. We were lonely. You were starting a new school. You looked for attention from anyone you could. We grew close and yet I felt as if there was always a distance between us. You did too, didn’t you? It was never relaxing. We were constantly one-upping each other. We seemed to be playing a game of who can make the other more jealous? But you enjoyed it. You enjoyed the attention I gave. That is why I will never understand why you ended it so harshly.

I won’t go into detail about what happened. I don't want to. I have thought about it too much. I have let my heart hurt for too long over the words exchanged and actions that took place near the end. I am not writing this to bring up those memories. Instead, I merely want to say something to you.

Thank you.

You showed me what I thought love was. You showed me how to have a serious relationship and how to keep one going. You showed me how ugly something beautiful can become. You showed me how to guard myself against potential disasters. Through all the pain and heartache, you showed me how to properly love.

Now I am in a relationship. I know it would not be the same if it weren’t for you. You were a beautiful disaster. I needed you. I know we will never speak again. I know we can never look at each other without a stabbing pain in our chests. I have finally come to terms with that. I have come to terms that we were never meant to have a happy ending together. We were meant to hurt each other. And I am starting to realize that is not a bad thing.

Thank you. And farewell.