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Do They Really Care?
All I could see was darkness. No, not as if I was sleeping, but the emptiness in my heart.
Loneliness.
The emotion I had felt for years. I know I have friends who say they care, family too. Just not enough to listen to my broken record. They say they love me, then why don't I feel loved? Why do I feel like a slave for other people's pleasure?
This feeling, this strong emotion, has been haunting me and will until I give in to the temptation. I wouldn't be tempted to do something I didn't want, right? I try to explain to others that I need help, but I've brushed aside like I'm some bothersome pest. They say I can talk to them about everything, but how do you talk about this to the person that contributes to it the most?
Maybe I should be a bit more patient with them. They're going through their own problems too, so I just keep it inside. That way, I won't bother anyone anymore.
So now, new darkness consumes my vision. My insides are dead, and so am I.
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I wrote this when I was going through a really dark time in my life. I felt so worthless and upset with myself I started to invalidate my feelings. Sharing this helps me tell other people that your feelings are valid, and so are you. No matter what you feel, you are not selfish. You are taking care of yourself. You are not alone. No matter what you choose to do in life, you are loved. You are just doing what you think is best for yourself.