Bison

After a four mile hike in Custer State Park, we were in the the car racing to get to our Wind Cave tour on time when a traffic jam began to build. We were in the middle of the Great Plains and we all (meaning me and my moms) started to get really antsy because we were going to be late. We were inching along when we saw a speck of brown fur on the road ahead. None of us had any idea as to what it was. But when our car went around the bend, there was a brown, strong, and horned animal. It was a bison walking next to all the cars. We took a couple of photos, then drove on, and yes, we made it to our tour — barely.

Mount Rushmore

Mount Rushmore is known throughout America as a sign of… well, our selfishness. Like seriously, we carved a mountain to depict our presidents. I mean, first we say to the Latoka people, “Yah, you can have the Black Hills and we will never take them from you.” Then, we show the world that we are not trustworthy and take the Black Hills back from the Natives because we found gold. To the Lakota people, the land is not owned, just borrowed. So we broke their rule — on their land — and then we put, not their chiefs’ faces, but our presidents’ faces on their sacred mountain. On that mountain is a man who fought a war so we could take the Native American land. Another man sent two men to go sightsee so we could inhabit the Native American land. And a third man hated the Natives altogether. Alright, that was a little history of Mount Rushmore. When my family went there, we all thought about how we had always seen photos of Mount Rushmore, but now, it was right in front of us. Kati, obviously, thought this too, but she also thought, if you look at it from a certain angle, it looks like Roosevelt and Lincoln are about to kiss. So, she called them THE BISEXUAL PRESIDENTS. 

Nine Potato Feast 

To start off, we never planned to go to Idaho this summer, but we did. We got to Yellowstone National Park late in the day, but we needed someplace to sleep. My wacko moms actually thought we were going to find a campsite in one of the most popular national parks late in the day. Of course we didn’t find any sites, so we kept moving west. I fell asleep, but the next thing I knew, I woke up at 1:00 am and my moms were setting up the tent with only the lights of the car. When I asked them where we were, they said, “In the middle of stinkin’ Idaho.” They said that tomorrow we were going to go to Craters of the Moon. It is a national park with many dormant, volcanoes. 

After Craters of the Moon, which was stunning, but so bloody hot, we were all hungry. The night before, Elizebeth suggested we eat nothing but potatoes for diner because its Idaho and they are known for their potatoes. We looked at a couple of restaurants online, but I was the one who found the restaurant we ate at. On the menu was potato pancakes, potato skins, potatoes soup, mashed potatoes, potato salad, french fries, tater tots, hash browns, and a baked potato. We ordered every potato dish. Yes, we had nine kinds of potatoes for diner. The meal was very good. If only they served vodka, and I was 21. 

Yellowstone

Yellowstone is known for its beautiful geysers and grizzly bears. Well, that’s how it may have been two hundred years ago, but now it is just a mad house. People are everywhere, disrupting the beauty of the park. Traffic is miles long, and Old Faithful isn’t so faithful any more. But let's get back to the subject of the traffic. On our last day in the park, we were heading to the famous geyser beds. But then terror struck, traffic had no end. Kati, the driver, was getting snippy with us, partly because we were annoyed by the traffic and also because she had to sit through the long traffic. To her, the only reasonable answer was for us to walk, so she kicked us out of the car. I grabbed my Powerade, and Elizabeth and I started to walk. Along the way, we talked to a few people in their cars. We made kids and dogs jealous, and even got a mile, or further, in front of Kati. We got to the geyser beds and even explored the entire 1/4 mile trail before Kati pulled into the parking lot.

Apgar

Beep, beep went the alarm clock at three o’clock in the morning. We had to prepare — for battle. The previous day, we went to Apgar campground in Glacier National Park in hopes of finding a campsite, but no cigar. A ranger told us about a campground in the southeast part of the park called Two-Medicine Campground. They usually had campsites available. Sure enough, we found a site. There was one dilemma, however, it was not in the part of the park that we wanted to be in. We wanted to be more north and more west, and there was but one campground that would be near where we wanted. APGAR. It fills up quick, like 8:00 am quick. So we needed to get there early. If we didn’t, we would be at the the back of the line, destined to never get a site. For the next sentence or two, just pretend like this is the scene from National Treasure where Natalie explains how to steal the Declaration of Independence. The strategy was: wake up early, drive two hours to the site, wait in line, then when the gates open, run as if your entire vacation depended on it, because it did.  

Two and a half hours after we got to Apgar, there was no sign of the gates opening. The rangers had put out a sign telling us what sites would be available. In front of us was a fat white guy, an Asian man, and an old obnoxious white guy. I don’t remember what we talked about. I only knew, that they were our enemies, our competition to get a site. Then the most adrenaline filled, action packed, and exciting thing of the trip happened. The rangers opened the gates. We ran. The three of us — Kati, Elizabeth, and I— ran to different sites so we would be more likely to get a spot. I sprinted past everyone and was at the head of the pack due to me being young and spry. My moms told me to go to site seven. That’s where I was headed, and everyone else was heading there too, but I got there first. 

While I waited for my parents to get back, they had a totally different experience. As they were running to another site, two kids on bikes came out of nowhere. My moms were running down one row of campsites but they needed to get to the other side. Kati cut through the bathroom, but the bikes had to go the long way. Elizabeth kept running and got a site at the end of the other row of sites. Kati kept running and got the site she really wanted. The bikers were going so fast they could not slow down, so they zoomed past the site. When they turned, and back tracked to the spot that they blew past, Kati said “I got here first,” in a voice that kind of covered her gasping and wheezing from running so far. They knew there was a site further down, but when they got to it, Elizabeth was already there. Two minutes later the old obnoxious guy and the Asian guy told Elizabeth that Kati got a spot so she should go down there. Elizabeth thought it was a trick and said no, but eventually, she realized they were telling the truth. In the end, we kept the spot Kati got because it was the nicest. The Asian guy got Elizabeth’s spot, and I was stuck at site seven for twenty minutes with no cell service waiting for this all to unfold.  

Mountain Goat 

The joke in the family is that I am a mountain goat because when we go hiking I am always ahead, climbing rocks like nothing. Kati is a turtle, always at the end having a hard time getting over rocks and fallen trees. Elizabeth is a pack mule because she carries everything, but she also makes sure I don’t get too far ahead and Kati doesn’t brake her back or a rib. Now, I had never seen a mountain goat, but we had seen pack mules and turtles. When we were in Glacier National Park, we asked a ranger where we would be most likely to see a mountain goat. She told us the trail by Logan Pass, so we went there. We saw many glaciers and snow packs on the trail that were melting due to climate change. It was increasingly depressing. As we were nearing the end of the trail I was getting sad because I hadn’t seen a mountain goat. We kept on walking and there was a beautiful view. Pine trees were everywhere surrounding a beautiful glistening lake made from glacier water. There was also a big crowd. When I shouldered my way through the group, I saw the inevitable, a mountain goat. Well, actually, we saw three mountain goats. First, we saw a father. Then, after the father had left, we saw a mother and a baby. The mother was licking the wooden fence to get the human salts left behind. The baby always kept close behind his mother. It was heart warming. 

Bleep-Bleep

You know, I think the most humorous thing that happened on my road trip was when my mom, Kati, cursed out at least five bicyclists. On our first day in Glacier National Park, we were driving back to our campsite on the Going-To-The-Sun-Road. Now, this road had no shoulder whatsoever, but it did have a herd of bicyclists, some of which drove in the middle of the road. My mother, who always hates bikes on the road, cursed — with the windows open — each and every bicyclist that came our way. Oh, and I can’t forget an example. When one bicyclist wouldn’t stay in her lane, Mom shouted out the window, “yah, yah you stay over, you stay over BIMBO.”

Drip…Drip

We were camped in Wisconsin along Lake Superior near the Apostle Islands, which, by the way, are beautiful. The first night we were there, we went to see Black Widow and it started to pour. When we got back, our tent was flooded and caved in so we had sleep in the car. The next night, we went to bed in the tent because it had dried out. In the morning, I woke up to a faint drip…drip…drip. A second later, I heard Kati say in an angry voice, “Alright, pack up and let’s move on!” I was confused because she always wanted more sleep and never ever made everyone pack up. That was Elizabeth’s job. I found out why this happened in like five minutes. Apparently, water had been dripping on her head from the top of the tent, even though it hadn’t rained. Elizabeth said it was probably due to the fog.