Dear Dad,

I wish you could have been around more. 

I wish you got to come to my games and see me play. 

I wish you got to see me on my first day of school every year. 

I wish you weren't so far away. 

I wish you were there for all of my birthdays. I wish you made me feel special like mom does.  For my 16th birthday I was at your house. For my 17th birthday, I made sure I wasn’t at your house. You made me feel like it was your birthday. I cried because no one said happy birthday until later in the night, you made me go to work because it was a holiday weekend and I would “make a lot of money”. 

I wish we could still go hunting together. That was the only time you and I got to just sit and spend time together. Sitting and trying to hold back all of our laughter over the weirdest things. You giving me “the look” when I kept laughing. You trying to make sure I was warm enough. The time that the tree stand almost collapsed beneath us. But now you say Im too old to hunt with you. I wish I wasn’t. I wish I was still your little Nutters. 

I wish that Grandpa didn’t have to be my dad. I am happy he can be—but I wish it was you. 

I wish I could see you when I miss you.

 I wish you didn’t put me in the middle. I wish you didn’t get mad at me when you’re mad at my mom.  I wish you didn’t make us believe things that aren’t true. I wish that you didn’t make everything about money. I wish you could just sit and spend time with me. 

I wish you were still my hero.

I wish you didn’t have to find an excuse every time I want you to come to something. I wish you weren't always busy. 

I wish you would think of me instead of yourself. But you don’t. You don’t really think of many people. But someday we won’t both be on the Earth together and I will wish I spent more time with you. 

Please, I ask that you just think about this next time that I want you to be here.  

-Love, Brea