She had just delivered a flawless performance, yet that moment, she stood petrified on stage, unable to utter a single word.

That summer, she had been practicing six hours a day for a whole two months for the contest. The black and white keys made her head dizzy, but she pressed her fingers on them again and again. The performance was flawless. She was nine.

Downstage, the judge raised her microphone again with a gentle smile, "I'll repeat, don't be nervous. I just want to know why you picked such an unusual piece. I mean, do you especially like the composer?" Now, eight years later, at the age of 17, I can easily tell you that the piece I played was "Homeward" from the Lyric Pieces by Edvard Grieg. It evokes nostalgia in listeners through its gentle, simple melody, transitioning towards a thicker and more sorrowful tune. But the nine-year-old on that stage knew none of this. She played without conscious awareness of what she was playing. She had never seen a single performance online or offline, read a single book on music, nor had she been taught or guided to appreciate the basic aesthetics of music. She played like a machine. She had many achievements and skills, but she was shocked to realize that she could not answer that one simple question. She had lost herself.

It was five whole years after that performance when I laid my fingers upon the keys again. In the course of 1,825 days, I listened to concertos, attended operas, and learned music theory. I began to feel the music and let it become a part of me. Previously, I had been trained to achieve, but this time, I was determined to love and cherish. The Chopin Etudes no longer seemed arduous; they became challenges I was particularly willing to take on. The drive, force, and strength that come with inner passion and motivation are unimaginable. The days I spent regaining my skills on the piano were not accompanied by awards or applause. Instead, they were showered with flowers of passion and deep love as I made progress and grew as an individual. Ignited by passion and love, I would press on, embracing the music that breathes life into my soul and carving my path with unwavering determination.