I'm not an adult and I've never given birth but I know what it means to be a mom. My family is very broken and fragile so many people have been in and out of my life. We have a lot of families that protect each other when we care. I value my family more than anything. My cousins lived with us for a few years starting at a young age. My mom and uncle were always working so I took care of the kids. I don’t know the connection between a birth mom and her children but I know how it feels to have that bond. When they moved in they were 6 months old, 2 ½ years old, and 3 years old. At first, I was hesitant to take care of them and be the role model they need in life. Eventually, I grew to slowly bond with these children. 11 people were living in the house at the time. My parents shared a room, my uncle and his girlfriend shared a room, I shared a room with the kids and my brothers shared a room with our other cousin. We shared one bed per room. They weren’t big, just twin-sized mattresses other than my brother's room, they had a queen bed. Not bed frames either. We aren’t a rich family nor are we average. I would put the older two kids to sleep in my bed. I usually slept on the floor but sometimes I would sleep on a tiny square stable in the other room. I would do anything for these 3 beautiful kids. When the youngest got old enough we would all cuddle in my bed and fall asleep. All 4 of us were under one big blanket with a book laid down on my chest. I started to love these kids like my own. Over a few years, they started calling me mom. Their biological mother was always working. Their father was addicted to almost anything you could imagine. I am so glad they don’t remember what all happened in their life. I always tried to block out the yelling, screaming, and falling in the background. I protected them the best I could as a 12-year-old even when it got hard. I taught them so much and helped them learn they can do anything. They gave me motivation to keep going in life and stay by their side. They moved out and back to their moms when I was 14 or 15. I felt emptiness to a new level. I call them my kids even though I didn’t give birth to them. To this day they still call me mom and they run up and hug me and won’t leave my side. They are my babies no matter where the world takes them. My kids are now 7, 10, and 12. Whenever I see them I am filled with joy to see how well they are growing up. They learned how to protect themselves and the people they love. I could not be more proud of my children. They will still cuddle up with me any day and fall asleep in my arms. There are so many things I wish I could redo with them. I wish I could have been stronger and helped them more. I wish I had more patience. I wish I could go see them more. I usually spend about 1-2 weeks at their house every summer and take care of them. They listen and respect me more than they do their biological parents. I learned how to handle little kids and they made me want them when I get older. They inspire me to grow and be a better person. I know they still look up to me and love me. When they left I went into a downward spiral. I had no motivation or inspiration. I couldn’t get up in the mornings without wishing their little heads were popping over me, smiling slowly crawling into my arms and giggling. I used to wait for them to get home to ask how their day was and what they did. I realized you don’t have to give birth to be a mom or role model to kids. Over time, I noticed that I could be a role model and important to someone. It changed my perspective on living in the moment. I may not have been the best mom in the world but I hope I was at least a decent one. 

This made me reflect on how I treated other people. I would never want people to treat my kids how others treated me but I also know I can’t also protect them. All I can do is hope I raised them strong enough to survive on their own in life. No matter the circumstance they know I will always be here to help when needed.