Boxes everywhere. The smell of new cardboard and packing peanuts surrounding me in every room. Crying in secret, knowing that it was for the better. My last day of school. Saying good-bye to the best friend I’d just gotten back broke my heart. The most vivid memories I have of my move. Being outside breathing in the humid summer air listening to crickets chirp, seeing the stars light up a cloudless sky revealing the tear streaked faces of two young girls, feeling the Florida heat that I’d lived in my whole life, knowing that this was good bye.

I thought of that night so often that it became a faun visual, I have dreams being a third party, watching this scene over and over again. Reliving the cold knot forming in my stomach, the lump rising to my throat, tears stinging my eyes as the memory makes my whole body ache like the night I left. I think of it less now, the pain not gone, but more bearable over time.

I have pictures to keep her close but they don’t bring her close enough, my heart longing for my closest, mot dear friend to wrap her arms around me and tell me its alright like she had done so many times before. Now, instead of staying up all night talking to her waking to the smell of eggs for breakfast, then walking to the beach, I spend my weekends with Natalie and Sarah having different talks, waking up to much different breakfasts, planning out much different days.

Tiffany won’t ever be far from my mind or my heart but I will always be wondering how she is, how her granddad is, and if her dad ever let his hair grow back. Now Natalie and Sarah are part of my new family. During the sadness and pain, helping me trust after being completely up-rooted and venerable. I will always love Tiffany like a sister, but now I have a bigger family.

Moving changed me a lot. It helped me grow more, love more, and it made my heart grow more as well. So will I have more room for both families. So I can love them all.