I sat on my father’s lap, holding back tears. My brother ran up the stairs, sobbing, and it took every inch of will-power I had to resist joining him. After sitting in silence for a few minutes, I began to wonder if the shock of the news had erased my knowledge of how to move or speak. Because at the moment, I could do neither.

I took a deep breath, and put on my best fake smile. “Well,” I said, “at least I’ll get twice as many Christmas gifts right?”

My parents looked at each other briefly and my dad patted me on the back as they gave me a sad smile. A knowing smile. The girl they knew, the girl I was named after, wasn’t the person I was trying to be at that moment. All they knew was the magical girl on the T.V. – The girl with blonde hair and a nose that twitched. The energetic and clumsy girl. One that was too sarcastic, joked constantly, and laughed at things that weren’t supposed to be funny. I was never this strong or this serious. My best friend didn’t even believe me when I told her. She assumed I was joking. I didn’t want to be that girl anymore. Not completely.

As hard as this was for me, I knew it was just as difficult for them.

“You know we love you, Sam,” my mother said.

“I know,” I replied, feeling a bit more at ease. “I love you too.”

Then, I gave them a small smile that was more sincere than the one I gave them earlier. I rose from my father’s lap, and gave both of my parents a tight hug. I was glad to be comforting them now.