I wandered home on a bitter Monday afternoon, wind smacking my hair into my face. “I hate the cold” I muttered to myself, as I shoved my hands into my pockets for warmth. All around me the world dimmed as the grey clouds rolled in. It looked as though the weather reflected my mood. “Great” I thought to myself,”its going to get colder.” I sped up in my journey home as the clouds erupted with rain. Ice cold rain drops pelted my skin, and caused me to shiver. The walk home seemed so much longer today. I hated it. Nothing, had seemed to go right today. Not only was I walking home in the cold and snow, but now it was raining icicles.

As I neared my house, memories flashed in my head of my neighbor, Lois, whom I missed a lot. Sadly Lois’ husband had recently passed away, and she had moved away with her daughter. With her now living so far away, I could no longer see her. Every day I looked at that empty house, an empty pit ate away inside of my stomach. I felt as though my heart was breaking with every memory. It was in that moment I decided I couldn’t go home. I was not ready to sit in that house.

Instead of going straight, I ran left. I didn’t care that it was raining or that I might get sick. I just knew I needed an escape, and I kept running until my lungs felt as though they were going to burst through my chest. I ran like my life depended on it. All the trees and houses I passed were a blur as I dodged oncoming cars with mud splashing up on me. One left and another right later, I was finally there. I made it to my favorite place in the world, Boulder Lake. I loved being here because usually I am alone with my thoughts. Although it may not be much, this sandy beach is like my second home.

Generally I do not come here in winter because of the banks of snow barricading my favorite place, but I didn’t care today. I trudged, slipped, and fell on my way through the snow. I swear it must have been about four feet high. Ice and snow seeped deep into my already soaked shoes. My fingers hurt as I pulled myself up after every fall on the ice. I thought my fingers might break from the cold. I finally reached the boulders that were spaced randomly across the beach. I realized no matter what I’d be sitting in snow so, I curled up in front the a large boulder where no one could see me. I pulled my legs up into fetal position as I felt all my strength leave me.

I let all the tears, welled up inside, pour out and mix with the icy rain that fell on my head. All of the anger, resentment, frustration, pain, and plain exhaustion flooded out of me. Thoughts swirled around in my head like a tornado, leaving nothing in its place but pain and agony. I held my head in my hands in an attempt to comfort myself. Part of me hoped that sitting here in these freezing temperatures would numb me from the pain. I thought that just maybe in letting all this out I could set my self free from the chains that had drug me down to my very own hell. This is the only place that I can let it out, put my thoughts together, pull myself back together, and get back on my feet.

After some time of shedding my tears, I lifted my heavy head from my frozen hands. The rain had lifted up, and was now a soft chilling drizzle. I reached for my phone, and upon looking at it, I saw my reflection on the screen. I frowned in dismay at the redness of my cheeks and the puffiness of my eyes, and I tried desperately to rub away my now smeared mascara. Looking at the time, which was 5:58p.m., I realized I had been here for over two hours. I slowly lifted my gaze from the clock on my phone to the sky, as a bell chimed in my head. This just so happens to be my favorite time to be sitting here.

The grey clouds began to leave, the drizzling came to an end, and a bright blue-sky took its place. It was as if the world had also shed its tears, and now had been reborn. The sun slowly descended from the sky, with purples, pinks, and blues morphing together in a spectacular view. The lower the sun fell the brighter it seemed to shine in its last few minutes in the sky, and it blazed red. I felt all my sorrows melt in wake of this magnificent beauty. It’s these moments that remind me why life is worth living. I lingered there a few moments longer and then began my short walk home.

On my walk home I held my head high. No longer did I feel as though I was chained down. Even though the sun had fallen below the line of trees, it felt as though it was warmer than before. I made the left turn with ease and then the right. As I neared my house, I felt a sense of calm rather than a sense of dread. My mother’s car could be seen parked in my driveway from where I was. Carefully I walked into my driveway in an effort not to slip on the ice. In taking the three steps up my porch to my door, I reminded myself it is now time to return to reality. The world doesn’t wait for you.