I never thought this day would actually come. It wasn't the first time I had an older sibling leave. I have two older sisters, one who's seven years older than me and the other who's five years older than me. But when they left, I guess it didn't really affect me that much since I still had my older brother, who's three years older. My oldest sister, Jordan, was never home the last few years before she graduated. She was always with her friends, boyfriend, or cheering for St. Paul's cheer team. My other sister, Camille, was always busy with soccer, but she attempted to make time to spend with me. If spending time meant making fun of me or messing with me, then we sure spent a lot of time together. I was at too young of an age to really get to relate and bond with Jordan and Camille before they went off to live their own lives in college.

My brother, Nick, is only three grades above me. When I was in eighth grade, he was a junior. He has a late birthday like me, so for the beginning of the year his girlfriend brought both of us home from school leading me to spending a lot of time with them. But, I was just an eighth grader not knowing too much of how to relate to them. I started getting really close to Nick in the beginning of freshman year. He would bring me to and from school as he did towards the end of eighth grade. Nick played "weird music" as my eighth grade self referred to it. When freshman year came around I started to enjoy the music he listened to. Most of our conversations on the way to school were about music. He introduced me into sublime, outkast, phish, and many more. Nick and I were finally getting really close to where I'd sit in his room and we'd just talk about each others social lives. He thought my friends were cool, especially Maggie. We would spend some of our nights when we both had nothing to do by just watching Netflix movies.

Spring break last year my mom took me and four of my friends along with my brother and four of his friends. That brought all of us, including our friends, closer to each other. All we talked about after that for a straight month was spring break.

When Nick got out for summer a couple of weeks earlier than I did, I didn't realize how difficult finding rides to and from school everyday was going to be. Plus the fact that I wouldn't be listening to any of his music. Towards the end of the year I would always oversleep in the morning, so he would have to either call me or go up stairs to wake me up which I knew sometimes frustrated him, but he never made a huge deal about it. Now waking up in the mornings it's just me waiting for my ride. In the beginning of summer I didn't really think of anything about that being the last school year with him. I guess it just hadn't hit me yet. It sure did hit me when I walked into his room one day when he was taking down all of his posters and packing up his belongings. Lets see, that was around 28 weeks ago, even though it seems as if it was yesterday.

The past couple of years he took an interest on learning to play the guitar. By senior year he had successfully managed to play it. Nick would show me the new songs he had learned and got me very interested into playing the guitar. Over the summer I told him that I wanted to learn how to play. He taught me a few cords and started me off on learning Let it Be by the Beatles. He told me that I just had to practice every single day, so I took every chance I got. It was difficult practicing when I didn't have my own guitar, but he let me borrow his and still does. The day he left I went and sat in his empty room thinking to myself if this had really just happened. The first few days didn't effect me too bad because it just felt like he was working or with his friends. When school started and I had to get a new ride it hit me really hard. The hardest part about it all was thinking that all of my siblings are living their own life, on their own, in reality. They're all ahead of me and it makes me feel apart from them.

I was hoping that Nick being gone would only be weird for the first couple of months. I was wrong. It's been worse since the day he moved out. It's just me and my mom in this huge empty house that used to have all five of us living in it. Nick, Jordan, and my moms room are all downstairs while my room and Camille's room were upstairs. Living upstairs all by myself was a drastic change. After Nick moved out I just began to feel lonely for the fact that my mom has very bad asthma which causes her trouble to walk up and down the stairs a lot. That lead to me just always being upstairs alone. My mom would always be in her room with the door closed, so sometimes while I'd be downstairs it felt no different from being upstairs. Especially when my mom goes to eat with or goes to visit Mr. Mark, which is my moms fiancé. She's been doing that for the past years they've been together, but it was never a problem since I always had Nick there to hangout with.

I bet if Nick read this he would want me to change his name to Patrick. His real name is Patrick Nicholas Shepherd, but we went by his middle name because my dads name was Patrick. When Nick went to college he decided that he wanted to be referred to as Patrick, so he made a new Facebook and everything. He sometimes goes by Party Pat by his friends. Whenever he comes home he always asks about my grades in school because he wants me to succeed in life and go to a good college. He majors in international business at LSU and I couldn't be any more proud of him of where he's gotten himself to. I'm glad he goes to LSU instead of Charleston, so that he's not too far away from home. I can't wait to start driving so that I can easily drive to Baton Rouge. The good thing is not only Nick lives up there, but so does Jordan. Camille's goes to Lafayette, so I think if she really wants to, she will drive an hour also to Baton Rouge so that we can all be together.

It's been a very hard time in my life having my brother leave. A lot has changed since. Not seeing his car parked in my driveway was the weirdest. It's just something I have to deal with. I can't wait to go to college, so that I won't be in this situation anymore. Being the youngest isn't always the greatest. To me, I find it being the worse. Three of my friends older siblings are all seniors this year and I just always tell them to cherish these last couple of months with the, because its going to suck without them. Especially Maggie and Madison because they will be the only kids home. It's great to watch them graduate and you're proud of them, but at the same time you always wish they could just fail and spend one more year with you.