Quest | Teen Ink

Quest

January 30, 2014
By tinkerbell0221 GOLD, Newark, Delaware
tinkerbell0221 GOLD, Newark, Delaware
11 articles 1 photo 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live, Laugh, Love


Failure. What does that even mean? Does it mean you are no good at anything? Failure is defined as the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, and may be viewed as the opposite of success. But that is not me right?

I am a senior in high school. I have gotten honor roll every marking period since the end of ninth grade. I do exceptionally well in all of my classes. I am not a problem child. I was homeless for the better part of my junior year, and placed on suicide watch yet still held my grades at A’s and B’s. But why do I feel like such a failure? Why do I feel like I am not meeting desirable goals and objectives? Why do I feel as if I am disappointing everyone? Maybe I’m not meeting my own goals. Or maybe I am and I’m not meeting other’s goals. That’s what it is. I am doing what I want with my life not what other people want. I am “taking an easy road out”. When in all reality I am taking the hardest route in.
Sure, I didn’t apply to University of Delaware. Sure my SAT’s were slightly below the national average, and I didn’t retake them. But I have other plans for my life. After all it is my life not anyone else’s. Right? Then why again do I feel like I am failing in everyone’s eyes? Yes, I wanted to be a nurse for a while, and I still do. But I also want to explore being a paramedic or EMT. I want to save lives with my own hands, not always assist a doctor in doing so. Now that I am a fire fighter I have had the chance to explore these options further. I can take classes through the firehouse and attend Del- Tech to receive my paramedic certification. I mean I am already a step there. I have been CPR and AED certified since I was about 5. That should have been a bell ringer right then and there. What 5 year old is CPR AED certified, and actually for real not faked?

But once again, I feel like a failure. Sure I applied to Wilmington University, Del- Tech, and some college in Virginia. But I had so many chances and choices of places to apply and I didn’t take any of them. Not one. Why didn’t I take the chances? I guess maybe my heart made up its own mind when I joined the fire company. Maybe I really do want to be an EMT or Paramedic. Maybe that’s my fate. But I am going to disappoint so many people by only going to college for two years and getting my associates degree. It is my life though. Why does what o choose matter to them? Its what I want to do.

This is my life. What I do with it is my choice. If someone has a problem with what I want to do with it, then they may gladly take their “friendship” find the exit sign to my life and drag their feet to the door. I am going to do what makes me happy. And if what makes me happy is two years of college and a national board certification as a paramedic then that is what I am going to take. No one but me, myself, and I control my life. Clearly there are amazing things out there for me to do, and I plan to explore them and find out just what they are.


The author's comments:
This piece entails the journey I have endured the past few weeks. I feel like this piece should be totally relatable for anyone that has been pressured into anything or feels pressured by outside sources to do what they wanted them to do not what you yourself wanted to do. Happy reading! Enjoy!

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on Feb. 2 2014 at 7:09 pm
Writing-Is-My-Drug SILVER, North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
5 articles 6 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you aren't afraid of your dreams then your dreams aren't big enough." ~ Unknown

I feel like I know the feeling and yet there is no way, because I have never been through what you have probably been through considering the article I just read. Great insight on the act of failing. If I were you I would just follow my gut (the first reaction you have to something before your mind ponders it over.).