I understand you can't hold onto the past but I just wanted to savor it. To savor the perfection of that time, but it was so fast, such a rarity, that it came and went without ever bothering to tell me it was in town. I thought I was robing the bank and getting away with it. That I had slipped past the bumps in the road, that the stars were diamonds. Diamonds so untouchable, so perfect, shinning so bright but then this happened this one stupid day happens and those stars are no longer diamonds they are shuttered pieces of glass, glass that cuts and slices me for being stupid enough to look up at them and they laugh and mock me and I break under their devoted stairs. The universe has a way of making you feel so small sometimes. Invisible or unimportant, perhaps just so incredibly small that you simply don't matter but then again maybe you never mattered maybe to tell yourself you mattered is only deception, you trick yourself into believing this alternate universe, a universe in which you matter. But this , this is the real world and the real world is you looking up at the shuddered remains of your life and being blinded by the shrapnel. And as the blood from your eyes slowly trickles down your face you realize its just tears. However, considering this misery that is your life right now, maybe blood would be better. Maybe your eyes becoming blurry in a red haze would be better then seeing the broken stars. Because for a moment just one moment those stars meant everything to you, everything!

In those stars I saw my future my past and everything in between. And maybe I don't matter but this this here matters, Life matters, death matters, and everything in between matters! It has to matter it has to be more then this sad excuse of a life. Because right now the universe is looking at me telling me I'm nothing. But right now I'm scared and fearful and right now those feelings are telling me I do matter my feelings matter, my thoughts matter, I-I matter. And it's not to much to ask that you think the same! Because all I want, all I need, to shut the universe up put an end to the part of me that still thinks you don't like me, the talking and the wondering and the looks and the Facebook status likes is for you to tell me you want me! The way that I want you! That, that is all I want and I don't know what to do because no matter what words seep out of your mouth all I will ever hear is you saying you don't want labels, I'm a bad friend, we're drifting apart. And maybe those big brown eyes I have been so intently looking into are now attached not to you but a Wendigo with deep black holes in which my reflection is projected back at me. But even that matters, it matters to me!