Dec. 5 2011- Today was quite an odd and good day for me; it’s the day I have come to resolve my emotions and it’s also the day that I have come to assess my thoughts on my general demeanor (that of both definitions: viz., facial appearance and behavior). My means of coming at it is as follows: I have first gone through an exceptional myriad of derogatory and self-explanatory facts about myself (viz., the small likelihood of my unquestionable acceptance to my own sector, nonetheless, this society) then, I have thought of the positive, as I have been told many a time to do. The reason to all this emotional distress is simple and only few would ratify that this is a reason to get upset and have the whole world upon you, yet, I have come to resolve my way of thinking- I overlook, make mistakes on, and over think the most basic of questions and I go through, perceive, and epiphanize the most complicated of questions and subjects. The said reason is the weirdness of my new hairstyle and how my demeanor (that of the first definition- facial expression) had changed drastically causing my self-esteem to deplete ten-fold. I thought through this problem through and through and had resolved my way of going through the day: I decided that this society is not fit for anyone; it was full of people who make fun of another due to his/her lack of self-confidence and self-respect (the level of self-respect and self-confidence that one has, I notice, can be shown through his/her posture, viz., my friends sit in slouched positions, indicating their low level of self-confidence and self-esteem). Therefore, I have known not to take bullying personally (for it is due to this that I now feel such loud emotions), and not feel sorry for myself, but instead feel sorry for the bully or instigator of flaw seeking, and, having this in mind, I have bolstered my self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-respect. To this I was indeed happy and jovial therefore rejecting my initial thought to flee in the way of absconders. So, all in all, my day was phenomenally great (again, this conclusion was taken by the yen to look on the positive side).
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Jan. 14 2012- This is the day I marked as my ‘Gracious Period’- a day in which I celebrate all the wonderful occurrences in my life and maintain a philanthropic idiosyncrasy that I hope will continue throughout the year (the ‘Gracious Period’ to me is sort of like a new year’s resolution to others, but, unlike clichés and banalities, this one should have rather a tenacious effect seeing as my memory is “quite retentive”, or so some people tell me). One particular antecedent proficiency had been the gain of an ‘A’ on my Algebra Midterms (the ‘A’, as I had heard, was an average of the grade, meaning that if I had received a seventy or above on the Midterms, the grade would read as seventy percent and so on, and so forth). To the news of my accomplishment I was extremely happy, and I practically jumped with joy, at the expense of capturing a few stares (some of which were rather contrary to the expected primness that one should have). It was quite obvious of the needed gratitude towards my teacher, which, I promised to myself, I would thank later, in person and in an email. At this time, I had let my mind wonder and ponder on the subject matter of gratitude and giving thanks, and in the words of Daniel Defoe, stated in his book ‘Robinson Crusoe’, I say “It put me upon reflecting how little repining there would be among mankind at any condition of life, if people would rather compare their condition with those that were worse, in order to be thankful, than be always comparing them with those which are better, to assist their murmurings and complaining”. That quote had made me reflect upon the blessings I had had, viz., I was one year younger than every child in my class. I could have been born with a defected mind; a mind of which cannot produce thoughts; a mind that could not have created one thought. But, even as thoughts such as a defected mind had entered into my train of thought, I began to reconsider and I realized that something much worse could have happened: I could have died. So, as a result of this day, I had become more altruistic, benevolent and thankful (and I can proudly say the proof is in my heart).