I was happy. I felt loved, wanted special, everything a girl ever wants to feel, right? Except this all came with a price, and who wouldn't want to give that up? And I paid the price, the price to be loved, special, wanted and especially happy.

***

At the time this all happened, I was going through a dark time. Depression. I was never really honestly happy. I hurt myself, I cried myself to sleep because it was the only way for me. I hated my life. I hated everything. My family thought I was happy, I faked a smile, my friends thought I had it all, I smiled, laughed, kept up my grades, stuck with my friends. I was the "perfect student/daughter/friend".
It was my freshmen year that I met him. He brightened my dark world like nobody else ever did, including my best friend. He was a senior at the time. We met through my best friend, during our schools homecoming bonfire. When she introduced me to him and his best friend, I was excited, shy, and utterly nervous. I wasn't like other girls who fell for a guy on the football team or had great looks, or even his popularity. It was his eyes that captured me. They were like melted chocolate. That night we had fun, to me, it was the best night ever to me. I was happy and I wasn't about to let that go.

After the bonfire, he was in my head like the teacher yelling at me to do my homework. I was all smiles and rainbows. Nothing brought me down, I found my sadness disappear, beginning to be replaced with him. Two weeks later, on my way to science after geometry I bumped into a guy. Over a thousand people, and out of all of them, who happened to be the one I run into? Him. He smiled and said "sorry." and walked the other way. That moment made my day. I smiled like I was the happiest girl alive and I was.

I went to my best friend and asked her about him, trying not to sound to interested. The reason for this was because she also had a crush on him. I learned he was a awesome artist, the best to me, he had lots of friends, nice, thoughtful, friendly, happy, and was said to like me. Me and my best friend hung out at his table with his friends during lunch, and I accepted every single minute I could get with him. She told me he was in art club with her; so I joined.

Mid-October, was when things got more serious. He was getting closer to me. When we were at lunch, he flirted with me, he wrote to me (well everyone, since they read over our shoulder or the big mouth at our table would read for everyone out loud). During this time, I soon found out, during advisory-a class where we get progress reports on each class, it was like a study hall-my once perfect grades were now beginning to fall into the D's, heading lower into the F territory. Not only were my grades a problem but so was my attendance. I was skipping class every other day just so I could fix my make up and make it to the table before anyone. Teachers always tell us to follow what we believe, our dreams, or what makes us happy. I followed what made me happy. I wasn't about to let go of my happiness just to fall back into my old route. So I continued. One or two days of ditching turned to three and five. It was a mess. I couldn't stop. I was happy. I actually felt special. Wanted. When no one else did. He was my drug, and I couldn't get enough. Christmas break came around and I was never more happy to get to school. Once it did, I practically skipped off the bus, to school, happily waiting until I did see him. When lunch came around, I was happier then ever. He always gave me more attention then the others, including his best friend. When no one talked to me, he did, and I loved when he said my name. When the end of the school year started to come around, i panicked, my one thing that gave me true happiness, would soon leave me. I started to fall back into my sadness. Hurt that i would lose someone who actually wanted me around. I skipped more now, I failed even worse. I spent what I could with him, while it lasted. Then, my best friend gave me the saddest/best news ever. He wasn't going to graduate. Even if he would become a "super-senior", it didn't bother me. He was still perfect to me. I was happy. I liked him, he liked me. Everything was actually perfect for a change.

***

It was my sophomore year when I finally learned what a big mistake I ha made. My best friend, had liked him, but she saw through his "perfection" and came upon his flaws. I listened, not believing a thing could be wrong with him. He was mean, dangerous, awful. He had yelled at her during art club. (I stopped going when my parents kept me from staying after school until I picked up my grades.) He had said that they weren't even friends, most of, best friends. That she was stupid to believe they would be friends when he was going to graduate anyway. I didn't believe her. I didn't tell her that, I told her what she wanted to hear. Just because I didn't believe her, didn't mean I was going to take his side. I didn't let my "big crush" get to me. I didn't let his love filled words confuse me. His smiles or his notes. I paid attention to his actions, to his conversations.

That year, I learned the awful truth about him. He was using me. He didn't care about us. He was mean. His mood swings were always confusing us, and when he was mad, he took it out on us. He said hateful things. He lied. After that, I couldn't stay. I left. I went back to my old friends from freshmen year, they weren't exactly the same group as them. They were preps. You know the popular, cool, everyone loves, teachers favorite. I went back. It was there that I was accepted. Not because I was smart or pretty, but because I was me. I didn't need to change to be wanted. To fail school to be loved. To do things to be considered one of them. I was as happy as before. With more friends, love, and happiness. Of course I didn't let go of my best friend from the other group, we still talk when she's around, now that she has someone who loves her and adores her. I picked myself up and moved on. When I see him in the halls or the times I went to hang out between him and the table and my other friends, I act like everything is great. I smile. I laugh. I don't fall for his, "I love you" because that was also a lie, which he used to make his ex jealous. Which I had no clue sat with us during the time. Everything got better. I forgave him, I didn't hold it against him. I moved on. What he did, how he effected me, made me a stronger person. From that day forward, I follow only what is right. What will make me happy without hurting me. By following what my heart believes is true and right.