What is pain? Pain is when you lose someone you love and who had once loved you. This type of pain leaves you begging for any emotion. You feel empty. You drive or walk by something that reminds you of them and instantly your head is flooded with memories, once sweet in your mind, now bitter on your tongue. Maybe you look at old pictures of the two of you, and your tears stain the photo, or the droplets bead up on your phone screen. You're in the shower and your thoughts drift to happy memories of them and you realize there won't be anymore. Why do we put ourselves through this? Why do we look at old pictures, think about the person, connect everything to them? Because even though this person has caused us this agony, this awful pain, we love them and we don't want them to disappear from our minds. The irony of this is that they are the ones who have hurt us so deeply, and yet they are the only ones we want to comfort us. But the reality of this is that they will not be there to comfort us, why would they help comfort us from themselves? When we think about them, we will first think of joyful, silly memories. These will then be tainted by the grief. Happiness and grief are connected. There is no grief without happiness first, and without happiness, we wouldn't know grief. 

“When I take my last breath, I want it to be with you." People change, words change, sentences change. People say things, meaning them at the time, and then change their minds later on. "I love you." Are we as a human race, too quick to use these words? Are we as teenagers, too young to really know what these words mean? Does anyone know what these words truly mean? What if two people's souls are bonded somehow? What if soul mates are real? How do we find ours? We may say we do, but how are we sure? Because we love them? Recently, someone has shown me that you can love someone with all your heart and have them not feel it back. Or maybe they do feel it back, but not as strong, or not enough to endure challenges for the love to persevere.

Pain is when you love someone so much, and they say they love you too, but the day after they dump you, they’ve found someone new. Pain is having to hear this from a friend of yours the day after they dump you. Pain is feeling broken inside all over again just when you think you’ve started the process of acceptance. “My feelings for you aren’t just going to go away, it’s going to take a long time.” Pain is being lied to. Pain is when you find out you’ve been blatantly lied to. Pain is when you know that if you confronted them about the lies they told you, they would feel no remorse. Pain is knowing that you’ve been extinguished from their minds while their embers still burn brightly in yours. “You really are the perfect girl for me.” Pain is knowing they no longer think this. When they can move on so quickly from you, it feels as though the love was never really there. A figment of your imagination, a happy place where everything went well, and your fairytale ending really did happen, and no evil queens or anybody could get in the way of that. But outside your imagination, there will be evil queens and unless both people work together to get rid of her, she won’t go away, and she will take over, and she will finally get the ending she always felt she deserved. And the would-be princess is left wondering why the prince doesn’t want her anymore.