Yesterday, I was sitting in one of my club rooms (seriously, that is the story of my life as I have a club after school almost everyday), waiting for it to start.  It started like any other meeting with the advisor greeting us in her wacky way and putting us in the mindset for the club. 

It’s a writing club.  At least that’s what everyone says.  We actually are a club that is 45% writing and reading of original works, 25% feedback, 30% just a party in general, and 100% of counseling session or support group.  We hear each other out about problems: annoying teachers, daddy issues, grades, school, ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, etc; then we talk about it and sometimes go find those people just to tell them how we feel about them causing issues with our members.  It really is fun.

So, when one of our juniors stepped up and started with “I don’t normally talk about my problems because others have it worse, but I really just need to get this out there,” it seemed no different than any other meeting.  She unlocked her phone and began to read.  Do you know what her problem was that she thought was just dust in the wind… unimportant?

She believed that she was worthless.  She went from the happy junior that we all knew to a sobbing mess and she struggled to read her story.  She apologized for existing and burdening people with her being there.  She admitted that she thought that she should be dead, that it would be better if she was 6 feet under with flowers to send her off.  She told us that she had felt so worthless that she had thought about disappearing, just up and leaving or killing herself.  When she finished, the room went silent for a few moments.  That was, until our advisor and our group of huggers went and tackled her into the hallway to talk about it.

The moral of this story is that there are people who feel like this, and honestly, I’m one of them sometimes.  I feel inadequate and honestly, I have had the same thoughts as she did.  And I wanted to talk about it, but I’ve never been one for talking about feelings, so I’m settling for writing it.

Sometimes we feel that way, us humans here on Earth, seemingly insignificant.  So, if we disappear, would that mean everything would get better?  Of course, the answer is no.  At least, that is what people have told me, and what I feel when I hear another person say that they are worthless.

When I heard this junior stand up and say that, my heart broke.  I have known her through soccer and her parents for over 10 years now, so hearing that one of my friends felt like this, and if it’s anything like the way I feel sometimes, it was heartbreaking.  She isn’t worthless, and I can list the reasons why.

She has a loving family who thinks the world of her, and yeah I know, sometimes that is a bit cliche or is sometimes ‘incorrect’, but it’s true. Her parents love her and her sisters love her.  She has grandparents who would give the world to her if they could. But, she thinks she is worthless.  If she disappeared, I know for a fact, they would miss her.

She has friends who would drop everything for her, loyal to a fault and protective as a mother bear is to her cubs.  They love her, just like her family does, and just like I do. So, if she was worthless, would they be upset if she left and disappeared?  Of course not, she is a valuable person, just like anyone, and is loved more than she knows.

She has a boyfriend, y’know.  A sweet boy who has stuck by her side for over a year now, and she believes that he wouldn’t care.  If she up and left him, I’m sure he would be lost, and I know he would blame himself if she did.

Does all this mean that she shouldn’t feel worthless?  Maybe, if I’m being honest, but she does.  She feels like she is dirt on our shoes, simply an annoyance, and she’s wrong.  I know how she feels, and I have felt the same before.  I have a good family, good friends, good support, but I still feel that way sometimes.
Anyways, I felt that I should write this down because maybe someone else feels the same. Maybe another story can be shared.  Maybe someone can give us a pick-me-up and tell us we’re alright. Maybe someone will understand.