The day had finally come. I thought I was prepared for the next fifteen months. Yet, nothing could have prepared me for how my life was about to change forever. I was finally home after trying to sit in class all day. I ran from my bus stop, around the corner of my street. I had to get there as fast as possible. I burst open the front door and searched through the house. There were voices in the kitchen. I began my sprints again at the speed of light trying to get to them. I came into the kitchen and my whole body melted. My legs gave out as I fell to the floor. I needed to get as close to him as possible. I scooped up my little ball of fur and fat. I am in love.

The next fifteen months passed by fast. It started to get harder and harder to scoop up my baby. Muscle and bone replaced his fur and fat. Soon he weighed more than me. He always won tug of war. He rendered me incapable to take him on walks. He made me feel unable to take care of him. Yet I was still able to love him and give him all that I had. In this moment I was happy. As the seasons changed, the day I had to say goodbye neared. I dreaded passing time more and more. I was not prepared for the physical challenge of taking care of him. I was not prepared for the emotional heartache of losing him. My heart cracked. Once again the day returned. The first time they brought me happiness. This time they were taking it. There was one last walk as a goodbye to his forever home. One last walk as a goodbye to his forever family. My heart cracked even more. By the time we got back, the van that brought me my baby and I was once so happy see, cracked my heart in half. The eyes that were once filled with happiness were now filled with despair. My attempts to wrap my arms around my baby were unsuccessful as he was no longer a baby. My heart broke.  Phoenix only greeted the new faces, without saying goodbye to his family. My puppy had grown into a mature dog. I was sad. The collar I put on him the first day, now laid in my hand as I watch him leave the same way he came. My heart split. The same corner I ran around to see him for the first time was the last time I ever saw him. I wanted to chase after him as sobs escaped from my chest. My family pulled me into their arms. There was no amount of love that could ever refill the amount that had just been ripped out of my heart. I was devastated.

A year later and everyday I still think about the best fifteen months of my life. I have grown into the person my baby would be proud of. There are times in my day where I yearn for that feeling of security when I pulled him in as tight as I could. So many memories made. They are forever stored in my necklace that I have yet to take off since that day. It is in memory to him as my puppy and to his future. I do not only have heartache. There is regret as well. I should have walked him more. I should have played with him more. I should have cared for him more. Yet the hard truth is I will never be able to redeem myself for those regrets. I have to come to terms with my past, present, and future. He is working as a Seeing Eye dog. I fostered and trained him for fifteen months. He was not my puppy. Yet I still cared for him as if he was. He is now in New York working for a blind college student studying music. I still think of him everyday. I still wonder if he is happy. I still wonder if he misses me. Yet, I still know that he is gone for the better, and I still have to move on. But I still feel incomplete.