To the boy who stole my heart,

There are very few things in life that we can be sure of, and heartbreak is one of them. I was naive enough to believe that forever exists but I thank you for making me believe in it. Days, weeks and months later I have finally picked up the courage to accept the fact that moving on is something that we all have to do.

To say my fifteenth year was emotional would be an understatement. It was probably the worst year of my life. Yet, even then it had its good parts and you were one of the reasons for that. I cried more than I have ever cried, I laughed more than ever before, I pulled more all-nighters than I can count, I was hurt and hurt myself to an extent where it caused both physical and emotional pain to not only myself but those around me, especially my family and friends. Every single emotion I felt was intensified and raw. It went from pure happiness and feeling on top of the world one minute to the utmost sadness and aching the next. We said all the wrongs things at all the wrong moments. It had me in tears. It made me laugh. It tore me apart. I found myself smiling for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I thought that being in love was the most beautiful feeling that any person could experience. Despite the ups and downs, the arguments, the disagreements, the tears, the sleepless nights, every single minute was perfect in the most bittersweet way, because no matter what, at the end of the day, I still had you and you had me and that’s all that mattered. It made my head spin and made me go crazy, but most importantly it made me realise how strong first love can be.

My sixteenth year was inevitably destined to be filled with heartache but I have reached the point where I can look back on what we had and smile because what we had was so beautiful and you have taught me that love really does exist. You are a beautiful person with a beautiful soul and you only deserve the best in this world. There will come a time when I will no longer be in love with you, but I will always love you no matter what. There will also come a time when a beautiful girl walks into your life and will change it for the better, who will give you everything that you deserve and more. When that time comes, I want you to treat her with your utmost respect because she deserves nothing less. Falling in love and getting your heart broken is all apart of growing up and realising your worth. There will come a time in life when you will look back on what we had and realise that it shaped you into the person you are and will be.

The first time we fall in love, we take the risk and keep falling, unaware of any consequences. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. It happened so quickly, before I had any time to think about the impact it might have in the future. Falling in love with you will always be one of the best things that has ever happened to me. You have so much potential and I know you will go on to do great things in your life. Even though it might seem like the end of the world now, life will go on around you and one day you will have to pick yourself up. You have so much to look forward to, you really do. I hope that you realise how much is out there waiting for you

Life is precious, and so are you. Going to the abyss and back taught me that. I was selfish and came so close to leaving all this behind but coming to terms with the fact that what we had is gone has finally become a reality. In the end, you were not a mistake. You were a lesson well learned, and I am so thankful that I did eventually learn, even if it took a lot of heartbreak and heartache to get me there. Life itself is a learning process. I learned the hard way, but I learned in the end. I thank you for all the lessons you have taught me. You taught me that love really can exist and that it can live in someone’s heart no matter the circumstance, distance or boundaries. You taught me that forever is just a mirage but I want you to know that you will forever be in my heart.

Maybe I promised you I would never let you go. But this isn’t letting go or moving on. This is accepting that some things aren’t meant to be. To let go isn’t to forget. To let go is to be thankful for all the memories and experiences that made you cry, made you laugh and made you grow as a person. You were, and will always be my first love but also my first heartbreak. People are temporary, but that shouldn’t hold you back from experiencing all the wonderful things that life has to offer. You heart will heal, just give it the opportunity to and it will. I want you to fall in love with life and fall in love with yourself before you fall in love with anybody else. And the next time you fall in love, with a girl who isn’t me, it will be extraordinary. Even more magical than what we had and you will look back and be thankful for what our relationship taught you.

No matter how many people you fall in love with over the course of your years, your first love will be the one who receives all of you, in your purest form. You would have left a piece of yourself within them and that piece will hold the belief that love really can last forever, the one that no other person will be able to reach. From then on, you will learn to love in pieces and it will only be in pieces you will be loved back. You will learn to forgive, even though you may never forget. I want you to remember me for the girl I was, the very first day you laid eyes on me. Because that is the girl who loved you, and still loves you, to this very day. I want you to forget the girl I was during the time when I reached my lowest low, because that girl was not the real me. It has been four long months but my sixteenth birthday has giving me enlightenment. Four days, four months or four years has no relevance because sooner or later acceptance is necessary. Maybe my sixteenth gave me the maturity to realise that the sooner I accept the fact that what we had is over, the sooner I will be able to move on.

I hope one day soon you will find colossal happiness, in inverse proportion to the unhappiness you felt for so long. It has been a wonderful and irreplaceable two years with you and I thank you for every single moment. I’ve been learning to live without you. I’ve been learning to live without your love. When I am stuck between needing to move on but not wanting to let go, I take a moment to think about how lucky I was to have a boy like you in my life. Even though, you may not be a part of it anymore you will always hold a special place in my heart. 

I hope that one day in the near future, I will learn to fall in love with myself the way I fell in love with you.

Yours always,
The girl you were stupid enough to fall in love with