We’ve all heard about depression. We all know people with it, even if they haven’t told anyone about it. Throughout the planet, over 350 million people are diagnosed with clinical depression. Some people are sick of hearing about this condition. Everyone thinks that they are depressed, that the world is depressed and decide that it is an overused pile of crap. However, depression could not be more relevant, especially when you have a best friend with a severe case of it. I love my friend and he loves me back. We have a great friendship, however, he is unable to accept my love, as well as all of our other friends’ love for him. As a matter of fact, he is unable to accept any love that is offered to him, no matter who it is from. I wish depression didn’t exist. I wish I could somehow make him believe that he matters to me, no matter what his stupid thoughts tell him. I wish he didn’t have to live in such a hateful environment. I wish he would believe my compliments and I wish I could find something to make him happy. He says having all these new friends helps, but sometimes I’m just afraid that we won’t be enough to hold onto.

Depression is a complete mystery to me. As a joyful person, I cannot comprehend how some people don’t experience joy. Joy is everything. Joy is what gets me through the day, what motivates me. Joy is all around me, everywhere I look, yet every time I look at him, he’s sad, holding in the pain, masking it with a smile.

Everyday I ask him how he is and he’ll say something like “I’m great. Fantastic. Never been better,” but I know he is merely hiding his true feelings with the lies he feels obligated to tell. He has to live in this beautiful world with a black and white mask over his eyes, blocking out the colors of this Earth. He is such a beautiful person with so many talents. If anyone had to save the world or come up with a cure to cancer or be the next superman, it would be him. He is smart and kind and would do anything for anyone. Anyone who knows him as well as I do would attest to this; He’s amazing. Without him, this world would be less bright, unable to shine wholeheartedly without him.

Depression makes me so angry. It isn’t like a disease that you can cure with some medicine, time off of school, and a smile. It takes years to even chip away at it ever so slightly and even that has the possibility of having no effect. Being an aspiring nurse, this is the most frustrating thing in the world. I’m unable to simply give him a bandaid and a hug to solve his problem. Depression is so much more than that. It consumes every part of him, taking over his life, his mind, every thought, every second of anything he does. Depression could kill him in an instant; the second he lets it take him over completely is the second he’s gone forever.

It makes me even more upset when people don’t understand his condition. He doesn’t choose to be like this. It just happens. He is the victim, being taken over by his disease.

“They say it’s my fault, but I can’t help it. I just don’t know what to do anymore.” he’ll tell me. Yet all I can manage is a smile and a quiet reassurance that I know it’s not his fault and that I love him more than he knows. I’ve almost lost him eight times now-and those are just the ones I know about. He’s too creative; he keeps coming up with new ideas, new ways to hurt himself.

People torment him and call him names and treat him with disrespect. They shout his name and giggle, trying to make him upset, yet they have no idea what that does to him, what ideas that puts into his mind about the world, himself, let alone his self-worth. Even I don’t understand his condition, which makes me even more upset. I wish I could take it for him, or lessen the burden for him, so I could understand as well as make his life a little easier, but I can’t. I can’t help him.

The worst part is I’m being so selfish in all of this. He is the one struggling and I’m worried that I’m inadequate or how I’ll feel if I lose him when I should be focusing on him and everyday I have to spend with him. He deserves anything and everything this world has to offer and I am heartbroken that I cannot give it to him. One day, I hope he will open his eyes, remove his mask, and see the world anew. Maybe he will see how much the people love him, even if they aren’t the people that he was expecting to. I wish he could feel how I feel about the world even for just one day. I just want to help.

But I can’t.