When you have a father who only cares about himself, it may be hard to deal with. There will be times when he drags you to the mall on a bright Saturday morning so he can get first dibs on the sales going on. Don’t be surprised when this becomes a weekly routine because he is constantly needing the best things for himself. All you want is the new Barbie doll, but he doesn't care what you want. “That’s too bad, honey.” he’ll say. You cannot cry. You aren’t weak. Years and years of this will go on, he will treat you and your mother so horrible, don’t say anything. Wait until you’re alone in your room to write down everything you’re feeling. On your 10th birthday after all your friends have gone home and your parents call you down for a “family meeting” and the announce they’re getting a divorce, just laugh. It’s been what you’ve been waiting for since you were old enough to speak. As the divorce becomes finalized 3 years later, listen to your mother cry because these three years have been the longest of her life.
On your first visit to his new apartment, he will make a stop at the mall on the way there.He would rather buy himself rolexes instead of buying you a sweatshirt. You’ve been wearing the same three for two years. You’re used to this though. “Money is tough right now,” he’ll say to you as the new watches on his wrist and rings on his finger glimmer when the sunlight hits them. Your next visit, “Daddy got a new car! How do you like it?” he asks, as he unveils a gold jaguar that must of cost a big chunk of money. He’ll walk up and hug you and your brother, “I love you guys so much,” he says. Those words will disgust you though, how can he love you and treat you this way? When he does this, just think about how your mother hasn’t had enough money to take you and your brother out to eat this week. And as you walk into his apartment you see a brand new 60 inch flatscreen. Think about your mother.
Three years later, on a friday night as your tying all loose ends before your quinceanera the next day, your mother will tell you that your father still hasn’t paid his half. You will be surprised this time. “I guess your uncle and I will have to take care of it,” your mother will say as her face seems to sink with stress on how to muster up this money. “I’m his daughter too! He dosen’t love me,” although you try to hold in your tears it doesn't work but that is okay. Crying is okay sometimes. Six months later you’ll find yourself in a family therapy session. It dosen’t work. No one can fix him. Two months after that, he tells you he has a new girlfriend. She has a daughter. You’ll think to yourself, “What if he likes her better than me? What if she doesn't argue with him like I do? What if she is easier to get along with?” but you push those thoughts to the side, he would never. But then, weeks later, you’ll find yourself flipping through channels in his lifeless apartment, waiting for him to come from her dance recital. You notice though as he’s leaving, he’s carrying a bouquet of flowers.