It was a cold night, a rainy night, the night of December 17,2013 which changed my life forever. When they told me he died I felt like i couldn't move I just had my hands over my face, frozen as I was processing this knowing that my oldest brother is gone forever and there's nothing I could do.

As I felt the tear rolling down my face, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, run outside and never look back. I couldn’t believe it. Finally, I got up I walked to the window it was quiet I wish I could've been out there with him before he took his last breath just to say goodbye, my sister started crying. My dad called I didn't want to speak, it was too much for me.

“Are you ok?” He asked. But there it was again, that feeling like I couldn't move but, I finally said “Yes”. After that he told me how he died he said he that he popped a blood vessel in his head. But, even after hearing all this I still couldn’t believe it and what made it worse was it wasn't even that day that he died it was two days after my birthday.
         

I couldn’t handle the pain when. My mom told me to go in the shower. Then, I started crying again, I started punching the wall. The pain didn’t even hurt anymore I just wanted to break the wall. I was so angry, then my mom stormed in the bathroom.

“Are you ok” she said. 

In my head I thought, “Why does everyone keep asking me this did it look like I was okay everytime I hear those words I think about the moment”. “Your brother is dead”. He was a nice person, always did his work in school did everything he needed to do to succeed in life but now he's still gone”. But on the outside I just cried silently and then responded “Yes.” 

The pain was just too much for me. How would you react if your parents told you an eleven year old kid that your brother is gone forever, you could never see him again, never hug him again, not even get to see his face one last time.