My name is Wade Matthews, I have had what they call, “impaired vision” since I was 12 years old. Now when I say “visually impaired,” what I mean is that I am as blind as a bat. That is just the “nicer” term that the doctors used when it first happened. One day I was taking the 5 minute walk home from my middle school, looked up right at the sun and it all went dark. At first we thought it would be temporary but never got better and here I am now, same problem just more of them.
It really is like they say, “Stay golden Pony boy.” I think that was something else, oh right, “you only miss the rain when it starts to snow.” Ya, that’s the one, so sad but so true. I never knew how much my sight meant to me until I couldn’t see anymore. My house, my friends, my parents' faces. But I couldn’t change anything now, the past was the past and I couldn’t take anything for granted anymore. .
Today, I am starting my first day of High School. It happens to be three years later than it should have but nevertheless, my first day. I rarely leave the house and never hangout with my friends, if I had any it might be different. Not paying that I have never had any, but they always left after a few weeks. The only reason I was really happy to go back was to get away from the parents who had been around me 24/7 for the last 3 years of my life.
Today, today would be different. I was going to have a fresh start in a new state and I knew no one. It was either going to be heaven or hell. No in between. I couldn’t be excited, I had never gone through anything like this before and had no idea what to expect.
With such new things comes a rush of adrenaline, the type one gets driving in a race while driving the most expensive, fastest, and aerodynamic machine one could afford. This was my dream, yet was likely to diminish due to my circumstances. Nevertheless, the fight or flight response is triggered when one does such a thing. And today, it was flight, along with so many other days.
Every day was a blur but today especially, something happens to you when you are unable to see, your other senses become stronger, at least that is what the doctors said. Most of the time I can choose what sounds I want to block out and what I want to listen to, but today I had no control. Every class I let my imagination take over until I needed to ask a question or I was called on in class. I rarely got called on, it seemed that if the teacher called on me they would feel all guilty and have everyone thinking they were picking on the blind kid. My mom asked me to try a meet someone in every class and since I didn’t know anyone I thought I could at least try. I hated this, the whole meeting new people thing was hard, what was I even supposed to say? “Hey I’m blind, want to be my friend?” I never in a million years thought that would work and was going to save that as a last resort.
After this first bell of the day I went up to a couple of kids that I heard talking in the back corner of the room. They were spouting on and on about their fantasy football team and how they were so mad about whoever it was getting hurt. I could already tell this wasn’t going to work. Football was never my favorite, I enjoyed cars much more but ever since my accident the appeal to any sport was gone. I hated listening to them, I felt too far away from the action and good luck getting a blind teenager into the nosebleeds at a Panthers game.
I’m not really sure what I said, it all came out in sort of a mumbled form of some other language none of them knew and neither did I. They must have thought I was stupid and blind because they just giggled. I heard an “Uhhhhh” and then some shuffling. A backpack zipper made the sound I knew so well and heard a pair of basketball shoes squeak on the tile floor. I waited for a second, trying to see if anyone was still there. Nothing, I had been completely ignored and made myself look like an idiot in the process. I figured it would take some time to meet a new friend so I went back to my old and lonely habits.
Eventually my deep thoughts turned into daydreams, someplace new every class. Going to a faraway place where nothing bothered me and I could be alone to take in the beauty of the world. Something I had always taken for granted up until the day I would never see it again. It all seemed lost to me now and I wish that I could just get one more look at at the world. Rudely, these were cut short by the loud noise from the bell that I always sat furthest from. With no anticipation looking at a clock, it always made me jump. Then some random student or teacher, I forgot which, would take me to my next class with a leash around my neck, I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything, one class to the next, that’s how my first day of high school went. At least until I heard someone beside me ask, “What’s your name?”
I wasn’t quick to answer, in a room full of crowded kids, I never assumed anyone was talking to me. This time it was different, like I was alone in a room with this one kid and that was all I could hear. I turned toward the direction I had heard it from and replied timidly, “I’m Wade.” I waited a couple of seconds for someone to respond, nothing. I was sure that he wasn’t talking to me and I felt my face get hot. It felt like all the eyes in the room were on me. I soon found out that there was no one near me and the day had blown past me like the cars racing past the checkered flag at the Indy 500. “Stan,” I heard rather loudly.
He explained to me that classes were over for the day and he was the last one in class. “What time is it?” I asked, still nervous of who or why this stranger was talking to me.
I heard a ruffling sound in his pocket as I slowly stood up. “2:47, why?”
“Well I’ve got to be on the bus by 2:50 and I have no idea where it is or how in the hell I’m going to find my way home.” I had only spoken to so many new people in my life that were my own age that I was very trusting. Maybe a little too trusting seeing as I had no idea who this guy was or what his intentions were. He seemed genuine so I continued talking to him rather than the dreaded phone call to my mom telling her that I missed the bus.
I got up and he said, “Follow me.” Reluctantly, I did. We just walked and had small talk. I could tell he wasn’t in a hurry, his pants swishing together with each step. They were much slower than mine. Judging off of this, I figured he was shorter and stockier than my 6’5” skinny frame, probably around 6 foot and 200 lbs.
“So what grade are you in?” He asked timidly, not sure of what my response would be. “I’m a freshman, but should be a junior, you know, parents didn’t want me to go to school.” I replied.
“Oh so were you homeschooled or what?”
“Every once in a while, but not often. Most of the time I just sat there or slept.”
“Oh so that’s why you are so tall...” he said jokingly.
“I’m not sure, neither of my parents are very tall so probably something like that.” I said this and could hear him stop.
He let out a snort, I wasn’t sure if he could tell I was joking or not but he seemed amused at it. “Hey, I know what it’s like you know. I’m not just talking to you to be nice.” He said softly, I could tell he was trying to justify his friendliness.
“Know what what’s like?” I asked.
“The whole blind thing, my moms sister is, and she’s one of my closest relatives. She tells me everything and I do the same but she’s no different than my mom really, they are pretty much the same person. When I saw those kids ignore you, I got so mad. I tried to find you after that but had to go to class. When I saw you a minute ago, I had to go talk to you. I know how hard it can be.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, my walking slowed and I couldn’t hear anything going on around me. I felt my ears go hot and so did my cheeks, “Uhhh,” I had no idea how to respond to that, “Thanks for coming up to me, I really needed that.”
“Of course man, I’m here for you with whatever you need or if anyone is messing with you, just let me know.”
“I will.”
We kept walking for a while without talking, neither of us were sure of what to say and it was pretty obvious. I still wasn’t sure where we were going but eventually I heard him stop next to me. The after school rush of kids that I hadn’t missed one bit was even louder now. The “Mom, can you pick me up?” Or “Dad, where are you?” was at an all time high and was stressing me out. 
“What number bus?” I heard off to my left. It was Stan. It had been so long since he had said anything I forgot he was there. 
Hesitantly I replied, “I think 317,” trying to remember what my mom had said that morning when she dropped me off. 
“That this one right here. Do u need any help getting on or off?”
“No, my mom will come outside when she sees the bus.” 
“Alright man, I’ll see you tomorrow, be safe.” He said as I heard him take a few steps back from the first stair that I was on. 
“See ya.” I said as I took the next 2 steps onto the bus and felt my way to the first open seat. No one ever wanted to sit next to the blind kid and today was no different. I sat alone until we came to a stop and I heard the all too familiar voice of my mom.
 
The next day was almost the exact same. Class to class without talking to anyone. Getting lost in my daydreams and getting interrupted by the bell. The only difference was the classes today were different which meant more people to ignore me or make fun of me for my little “walking stick” as they called it.  
Finally, the time came for the final bell to ring, my teacher passed me along to my escort and we made our way to the hallway. He stopped for a second and I heard some whispering in front of me. I couldn’t make it out over all of the kids talking but after a little I felt a hand on my backpack. Who the hell was touching me? I was expecting to get thrown in a trash can or locker when the voice behind me said, “Wadeeeeee, what’s up man?” It was Stan again, I wasn’t sure if I was happy to see him but nevertheless, he was there. 
“What’s up Stan?” I replied, still a little nervous from my trash can vision. 
“Not much, just got Mr. Dumer to get lost. I’ve hated that guy ever since he failed me on his final last year.”
So that was his name, I hadn’t said more than “Hi” and “Bye” to that guy and didn’t plan on saying any more. “Oh, thanks.” I replied still surprised.
“Come with me.” He said and started slowly walking.
I heard his khakis drift off and followed in the same direction. Now that most of the hallway traffic was gone, I could hear the small details again. Soon I felt the warm breeze of a summer day fly by my face. Stan hadn’t said much the entire time, just bits and pieces of “How was your day?” And small talk like that.
            Once we got outside, we walked in silence for about a minute. Still awkward from the day before, I was beginning to wonder if he was still even with me when he blurted out, “We’re here,”. He said it so proudly and I wasn’t sure why he suddenly sounded so excited.
“We are where?”
“I almost forgot, this is my pride possession, my baby, a Ferrari 250 GTO. My dad gave it to me in his will. It’s the only thing left I have of him.”
I was confused with his willingness to share his losses, he must have felt that I had no one to tell them to. But still, I felt a connection growing between us. I mean, we had both lost something in our lives, both very significant.
I ran my hand up the side, its sleek, glossy touch warm on my hand. It was amazing. I had only been near one before. At an old car show that I went to with my dad when I was 11, but still, I had never touched one. He started the engine and I could feel the heat. Rumbling loudly, it was beautiful, I just wished I was able to see it.
“Well, get in.” He said and I heard the car door open. I finished my lap around the car, making sure to feel every surface and take in this amazing moment. I hadn’t said anything since he had said the name. One of the last good memories that I had before everything happened. I wanted to cry, knowing this wouldn’t be the best idea in front of my new friend, I wiped off the tears from my face. Slowly, I felt my way into the passenger seat.
“Where are we going?” He asked, I could sense his excitement, like a kid showing his friend a new toy. This was different, it was meaningful to the both of us, and I think we both knew it.
“Home.” I replied, still sniffling.
“And where is that?”
I hadn’t even realized, my mom used to always ask me where I wanted to go and my reply was always home. That was three years ago but I guess that some habits never really go away.
“1208 Pendleton Dr, Kannapolis NC.” I said, having to think about it because I had never really said it aloud.
“Kannapolis, that's like 20 minutes away from Mooresville. I guess I signed up for this though.” I had been to all the schools in Kannapolis but nothing ever felt right, at every one of them something was off. The smell, the temperature, anything like that just immediately set me on edge. Once I eventually decided to go to Mooresville, it would have been tough to get in if you weren’t as rich as my parents were. Normally, you would have to live in the district to go to that school but my parents always found a way to get me what I wanted. Everything but my sight. They bought a small house in the city and put that down as the address, then I was in. Just like that, I was going to Mooresville as a 16 year old freshman.
Suddenly, I felt my head pushed back against the headrest. He must have been flying, at least that’s what it felt like. I had only been on a plane a couple of times when I was younger, a little difficult to navigate the airport with someone who can’t see. This was what I remembered it feeling like. I had always been obsessed with going fast and anything that went fast. Cars, planes, boats, you name it, if it went fast I could tell you everything about it. I knew the exact specifications by heart for all things speed related. With all the free time I had, there were a lot of things I could do.
Struggling to move, I thought back to my car “unit.” Ferrari 250 GTO...Ferrari 250 GTO... 0-60 in 5.6 seconds, 0-100 in 13.7 seconds, top speed 174 mph, max acceleration .52 g. That might not seem like a lot nowadays, but imagine being blindfolded for that. That alone makes it feel like you are going 300 mph.
I could tell that Wade was trying to impress me. After all, this was his pride and joy and it seemed that his friends weren’t as into cars as him and I were. “What do you think?” He said out of breath, like he had been holding his breath through a tunnel.
“It’s amazing, my mom never drives but 5 mph over the speed limit.”
“Well I think we gotta open her up a little huh?” He said, giddy with excitement.
“Oh,” I said, “definitely.” I felt us take a sharp right turn and assumed we were getting onto the highway. I heard the engine rumble and the gears click. 3rd gear, 4th gear, we were really picking up pace now. I heard the wind flying past the car, the rattle coming from something in the back seat, it was heavenly.
“How fast are we going?” I asked.
“About 100” he replied after taking a second to look at the speedometer. For something built in the 60’s, it sure could go fast. “110.” he said a couple seconds later. “120.”
It seemed to just keep going up. I was sure that he had made some upgrades because there was no way that this car was stock. I guessed that it was a turbo of some sort.
We didn’t talk much at all the rest of the ride. I was simply enjoying the ride and I think he was letting me just soak it all in. I wished that I could just see the road. Even just for a second, seeing the cars get left behind in a blur, that would have been something. For now, I was left to my imagination that had gotten pretty creative over the years. I imagined the trees flying by as if we were on a dirt road going to the countryside. The smell of freshly mowed grass and cattle. The leaves, each shaking as we flew past them. I saw the giant windmills that we used to drive by on our family road trips. A white house with a wrap around porch and a swing. Children playing in the front lawn and swinging on an old tire swing. It was amazing.
For the first time in so long, I finally felt alive. I felt like I could do anything, be anything, like I was in control of my life and not some teacher dragging me to class or my parents checking in on me every 5 minutes. I was in control and no one could do anything about it, I thought it would never end. But all good things do and I felt the car come to a stop. I was pretty sure Wade had turned the regular 25 minute commute home into about 15.
“Here.” It was the first word either of us had spoken since we had gotten onto the highway. I thought he must have been just as sad as I was as I reached for the door handle.
“Thanks for the ride man, see you tomorrow.” I said I wanted the ride to continue. “Ya of course, do you want me to walk you up?”
“I’m alright, my mom will come down in a second.”
“Okay cool man, good to see you again, see ya tomorrow.”
With that I gently closed the door and heard the tires squeal off. Guys never really went deeper into their feelings and almost never shared them with each other. It was good and bad but this was the good kind. It was short and sweet, a simple “see ya tomorrow” and he was off. Each of us went our separate ways, maybe to collide eventually, but who knew.
As I heard my mom open the door and start her short walk to where I was standing, I had a realization. All of this was without my sight. I had been so sad and alone for so long that I’d forgotten what it was like to feel joy. I’d thought the only way I would ever be happy would be to see again. But this short little car ride had brought back so many memories that had been locked away in my mind for so long, that I had actually been in control of that moment. I thought about all the time I had wasted, waiting to be able to see again. But the truth was, that it would probably never come back and I had to come to terms with that, and I just had.
With that, I turned to my mom and gave her a hug. I could feel the swarm of questions about to come my way. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.