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The Dark Horse
Summary:
The world hasn't been the same since 2033. Not since the SSO took over in World War 3. They rule cruelly, and they use their strength to create fear in rebels.
But that it about to change. A new rebel will conquer an impossible feat. The SSO's power will be challenged, and the rebellion will have a new advantage.
A dark horse.
They have Matthew Vaughn.
b-ballplaya
The Dark Horse
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This book has 14 comments.
I just read your first chapter, which overall was very good! Definitely intriguing - I so wish I had more time to read the rest! =/
A few comments...First, in the beginning, you say he has lost his memory and doesn't even remember his own name, yet you as the narrator call him by his name. That kind of makes it a little confusing as to if he has really forgotten his name, or is that just a figure of speech? Maybe just refer to him as "the man" or something for the first part, until you say he remembered his name again.
Second, I found the very beginning part kind of confusing, with all the names being tossed around, and people talking about the SSO and Rebels without any explanation of who/what the SSO and Rebels ARE. Maybe put a paragraph in explaining who the different sides are and why they are fighting, in the beginning. =) That will help your readers keep from getting completely lost right off the bat.
Also, the whole helecopter thing. If I'm understanding right, Vaughn is a rebel, and the helicopter is from the SSO. Then Vaughn (a rebel) gets IN the SSO copter. Then he flies over a tank, which radios and calls him a Rebel and shoots at him so thus must be a tank from the SSO side too. Yet he shoots (despite the fact that Vaughn is still in an SSO helicopter, so if the tank is from the SSO too, he wouldn't shoot because it would appear that they were on the same side). ...Does that make any sense at all? =P Basically, what I'm trying to say is, He's in an SSO helicopter, so how does the tank know he's a rebel? =P
Other than that, though, this was good! I enjoyed reading =D Again, I wish I had time to read the rest! Yay for being a senior, lol.
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Favorite Quote:
Pessimism comes from our passion, optimism comes from our will.