How do fights start? And why do they escalate beyond anyone's control? I don't know and I'm here to figure it out. I've had a pretty rough sophomore year and it's not even Thanksgiving break yet. So basically I'm going to explain it all as best and accurately as I can and give both sides of the story.

There's this girl, Lexi, who I used to be friends with. But at the beginning of this story we're still very close. There is also this guy Tommy. And another guy named Sam and another named Jake. But we aren't there yet.....

Lexi and I were practically best friends. We became close at the end of Freshman year because she wanted to get to know one of my close guy friends, Tommy. She thought he was hot like most girls do and she wanted me to introduce her to him; we were vaguely friends because we stood next to each other in choir, but that was really it for Lexi and me until Tommy came around. Over the summer we texted a lot and were super excited for school to start and have homecoming and parties, just tons of fun. Homecoming was the first issue. I was really nervous for homecoming because I didn't think I was going to get a date and at our school you don't go stag. We go to a private Catholic high school and some things are still very old fashioned. Like getting dates. So Lexi and I would constantly talk about it and I would always say how I'm going to slyly sneak in the dance when I'm with Tommy so that maybe he will get the hint and ask me. Because I like him. But Lexi wasn't aware I still had feelings for him so she kept pushing for me to let her have him and to find me another date to the dance. Great friend material right. Of course I wasn't thinking like that because I was so happy how close we had gotten and how much I loved being almost best friends with her.

So school starts and right away all the girls can talk about is homecoming which is totally understandable because at my school freshmen can't go so it was our first time around. I agreed to helping Lexi get Tommy to ask her, but it was hurting and didn't feel right. So I continued flirting with him because I still really wanted to go with him. Every morning we would hang out in the cafeteria with my real best friend Erin. And after school, I stayed late because I can't drive and my mother works so I would see him then when he would wait for the late bus. Two weeks flew by when out of the blue I got a text from this guy I had bio with last year, Max. He said this and I quote, "I know this is informal but if you say yes I'll ask you more formally, but will you go to homecoming with me?"

I said yes of course because it was so exciting, I had a date to homecoming! All of my friends and I were flipping out because I was the first to be unofficially asked and it was crazy. Lexi was very happy for me and now I fully understand why. The next morning I was in the caf doing my homework with Erin when Tommy comes in like he does every morning. Nothing special. We somehow were talking about one thing then another when he said that he was hoping he could go with me to homecoming. I was speechless. Shocked. I actually didn't say anything for 5 seconds because I didn't know what to do. I had to say no of course because I had gotten a date less than 12 hours prior, but that was so hard.

After lunch he asked Lexi if she would go with him and she said yes and was elated. She knew he had asked me that morning but she didn't care; in her book I turned him down so he was 100% fair game. This is when my depression started.

The next few days were about me moping around because the guy I liked asked me to the dance but I had to say no so my friend was going with him instead. I'm not a bad person for hating the idea of them going together, who wouldn't? But eventually I realized that I had a super nice date who I used to be friends with and that was good enough for me. Now the drama with Lexi begins.

She is a very insecure girl about herself. She became fearful that Tommy didn't want to go with her (which was true) and so I had to constantly reassure her that he did or else he wouldn't have asked her. She began to accuse me of bringing up him asking me first to make her feel bad but then she would go back to normal Lexi, my almost best friend. The dance itself was so fun, I was right to be as excited as I was for it. Lexi was a definite downfall though, not because she was with Tommy, but because the whole time she was slyly cutting me out of the circle we were in while dancing. But other than that it was actually great.

The next weekend we all went to an away game: me, Lexi, Tommy, and Sam. There were other people there too who we were all friends with but they don't have to do as much with this story. Lexi was hanging on Tommy the entire time so I talked to Sam for most of the game. We were having no laughing contests, and back massage competitions. This is when I became confused. I hadn't known Sam freshman year, but I realized that I was starting to like him. I honestly don't understand myself most of the time. I was still confiding in Lexi which wasn't smart, but I don't normally think about that until it's too late like it is now.

Lexi was really encouraging me to go for Sam, which I now know was because she wanted Tommy to herself. We planned a movie night with us 4 and 2 of our other friends who both liked each other but hadn't done anything yet. In Lexi and my's heads it was a triple date but the guys didn't know it. On Wednesday after school, I finally told Lexi that Tommy didn't like her and she flipped out at me calling me an awful friend who was always trying to hurt her. But when I explained it some more, she forgave me and it went back to normal. The movie was still on but Tommy ended up not being able to come due to a prior commitment.

So the five of us were at Bella's house and we found a movie to watch. She had 2 small couches in her basement and we put her and Sean on one and Lexi, Sam and I on the other. Near the end of the first movie Sam and I started low key cuddling, but no one knew about it. He even put his arm around me for a while. We were being really cute during the second movie and covering each other's eyes and he was holding onto my wrist during parts of it as well. Halfway through the second movie Sean had to leave and when Bella came over we totally stopped. And that was it. I never told Lexi about it and I finally realized that I had feelings for Sam on Sunday night. I knew I didn't like Tommy anymore; we were just too close of friends.

A few days later Lexi tells me she still likes Sam and has for a while and I again became very confused because I had finally figured out how I felt, and she was just coming in and ruining it for me. She wanted me to stop liking Sam and go back to Tommy now that she didn't like him anymore because I told her that he didn't like her the past Wednesday.

Now it is Friday night, our last home football game of the season. I went all out for the pink out and was super stoked to hang out with Sam and my other friends. I don't think I was being too flirty or putting myself out there too much, but apparently Lexi did. After the game I got this text from her:

"okay so when you liked Tommy I backed off and let you go for it because I valued our friendship more than some guy. but then I tell you I like Sam and you go after him taunting me the whole time? it's not even the boys because that's dumb but friends don't do that to other friends. tbh im pissed and so are lots of other people, but I give up. congrats if Sam likes you idc he's a stupid guy anyways but pls consider your friendships w people before you decide if a boy is more important. thanks :))"

my response:

"Hahaha this is so great.
First of all you didn't back off of Tommy because you valued our friendship more then him you backed off because you finally realized there was no chance between you and him. Second of all congrats on a bunch of people being pissed at me that don't even have the balls to tell me they are so I don't give a f*** if they don't like me cause I'm not living my life trying to please them I want to be happy. Third of all i was never taunting you with Sam we literally were all hanging out in a group and I most  definitely do not like boys because you do sorry to burst that little bubble of yours. When I told you that I might like Sam 2 weeks ago you fricken told me you don't like him anymore and tried to set us up on a triple date the next weekend do you remember. I do consider my friendships with other people more important than getting a boyfriend for god sakes because I'm not a shallow b**** contrary to popular belief. I am so done with all of this drama that you keep stirring up and if you don't think you are the cause of all of this stupidity then you need to think again. You really don't have to reply to this cuz I'm done in case you haven't noticed; I've been done for 2 weeks now. "

That's when she stopped talking to me.

I don't think I over reacted, honestly. It was weeks worth of pent up rage and it all came out at once. Of course I ended up being the one to apologize to her the following morning, and when that didn't do anything the next Thursday I finally got her to talk to me. It didn't go horribly, but we weren't exactly friends again. This was less than a week ago as I'm writing this. Sam had a party two days later and that was one of the most fun things I've gone to ever. He and I hung out for a lot of the time, but I wasn't hoarding him or anything. As often times as I would go and talk to him he would pull me off or come over to joke around. I got a text that night from Lexi asking if that's how I was trying to be her friend again, but I didn't respond. I still haven't responded.

And now I don't know what to do. I blew up at Sam today because it seemed like he was taking Lexi's side in all of this when actually he is just as annoyed with all of this petty arguments and fighting as I am. But Lexi isn't tired of it. She is basking in the glory of the mess and destruction she has made of my life. There are tons of girls taking her side and talking about me behind my back, calling me a slut. I literally cannot be a slut; I've never even kissed a guy before. But it hurts so much. I feel like nobody understands how much this is hurting me. I'm angry all of the time when I'm at home, I flip out at the slightest provocation, I don't want to wake up or go to school for fear of Lexi. She is ruining my life. Sure I have done some stuff to keep our feud going, but not to the extent of the hell she is putting me through. I haven't been trying to ruin her life or destroy her friendships over some guy. I honestly don't even care about Sam anymore, sure he's super attractive and sweet and funny and I get excited when he texts, but no one is worth what I've been living in.

Erin understands. She has always understood. She isn't accusing me of being an awful person for listening to my feelings and trying to figure them out. My insides are all jumbled up right now and I still don't know what to do. I texted Sam saying I was out of line for getting so angry at him, but he still hasn't responded. I don't know what to do anymore. He just wasn't getting how hurt and betrayed I am feeling.