Smiling seems pointless to me now, there is nothing happy about this world. When I was halfway down the stairs, I heard my mom mention my name while talking on the phone, so I stopped. “ I don’t understand what I can do to make her open up to me. Angie has been acting awful lately, and I am guessing it’s because her dad passed away. I know it’s hard for her, it’s hard for all of us, but it has been a year, she needs to let go.” confided my mom.  I can’t believe my mom would say that! I can’t ‘let go’ of the person I cared about so much that easily. She says it as if letting go of dad’s loss is like pressing a button, simple and easy. She doesn’t understand and she never will. I continued walking down the stairs and as I turned into the kitchen, my mom quickly hung up. “ Who was that on the phone?” I asked as if I didn’t hear her conversation. “ It was your grandmother.” she said. “Oh” I answered dryly. 
On my way to school, I couldn’t help but think about what my mom had said earlier. Did she mean that she has forgotten about dad? Has she moved on? I didn’t ask her because I was too afraid to know what the answer would be. The whole car ride was silent until out of nowhere a red Toyota came speeding in front of us and my mom pulled the brake as hard as she could, causing me to nearly fly out of my seat, but luckily I was wearing my seat-belt. All of a sudden, the memories of that horrid day came into my mind.

The call, the phone call that caused my mom to drop her phone instantly and grab me then rush out the door. She wouldn’t tell me what was going on but I could see the fear in her eyes. She was shaking uncontrollably and I was clueless. My dad was dead and I was clueless. When we got to the scene, I saw about five police cars and an ambulance. At that point I knew something was definitely wrong. As I looked around, I saw my dad’s navy SUV stopped in the middle of the road, the whole front completely demolished. Then, I noticed another car. I didn’t pay much attention to what kind it was because at that point I became worried. I saw my mom talking to a policemen and so I took the chance to go find my dad. I looked into his car and found blood all over the seat, but no airbags. After that, I turned to the ambulance and froze. I nearly fainted. My dad was sitting there, unconscious, with doctors all around him. My mom rushed over and took me away. At that moment, I had lost all my emotions. I didn’t cry or scream. I refused to believe that my dad was hurt and in an ambulance. My mom was sobbing as she drove me home. The next day, it was official. My dad had died because a drunk driver, who is still alive, hit him. My dad’s airbags didn’t work for some reason, but if they did, he still may have been alive.

“Are you okay? I am so sorry I have no idea where that guy came from, it was so sudden!” my mom said frantically. “ I’m fine just take me to school.” I answered. I wasn’t fine. I will never be fine. Now I realize no matter how hard I try to forget those painful memories, they will always be in the back of my mind and I will always remember them until the day I die. After a while we arrived at school and by that time I had calmed down from the incident I had just encountered. I looked at the long red building and sighed. I find no interest in this school like I used to. Then again, I don’t find interest in anything the same as I used to.
Entering school, I quickly searched for my best friend Claire, but she was nowhere to be seen. Claire is the person i got to when I need to get something off my mind or if something is bothering me. I don’t talk about my dad with Claire because the topic isn’t something I like to discuss. Claire never brings up my dad because she knows about the tough time I went through, and I appreciate her for that. After a few minutes of searching, I gave up and shoved my way through to get to my locker. That’s one thing I truly hate about school. I have to shove everyone in my way because the words ‘excuse me’ aren’t in their vocabulary.

First period ended and now I am on my way to math. I’m not usually upset when I have math class because I’m a very good at that subject, but lately, I’ve been getting so confused every single class. I just can’t focus on anything anymore because everything is meaningless. After fifteen minutes of boredom, the principal came on the speaker. “Attention all students and teachers, we are now going into lock-down. This is not a drill I repeat this is no-” The principal got cut off in the middle of his sentence and all you could hear after was a big thump, which sounded like the principal got hit and fell to the ground.

My teacher, Mrs. Camilia, quickly covered the windows and locked the doors in a panic. At this time, all students were calling their parents, crying, and running around the small classroom. There are 15 students in my math class and my math class was not that large so everyone running around made it harder to stay calm in this situation. Mrs. Camilia made everyone sit along the back wall and keep quiet. A girl came and sat next to me, but I never really talked to her before. I heard her talking on the phone with her mom. The girl was pouring her heart out to her mom, saying how much she loved her as if it was the last time they are going to speak. At that moment, it hit me. This was in fact the last time they were going to speak.  For once in a very long time, I gained an emotion. I was frightened. I didn’t know what was going to happen to me but I had time since my class is on the last floor of the building. I looked down at my single pearl necklace and suddenly felt a tear rolling down my cheek.

My emotions were back. Angelica Lenins was back. While looking at my necklace, I gained the strength and courage needed for this situation. I quickly pulled out my phone and called my mom. “Hello?” she answered. “Mom, I’m in lock-down right now and I’m not sure what is going to happen to me but before anything happens, I need to say this. I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I know I haven’t been the best daughter lately and you’re right, I miss dad. Losing dad made me think that I had lost everything, but I was wrong. Being in this lock-down made me realize that things happen for a reason. You can’t blame anyone or anything for them happening. This lock-down is happening for a reason and that reason is to open my eyes and help me see what I am missing. I am missing love. You love me, and I tend to block you out all the time. If I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you.” Saying that made me feel even stronger. Those words have been stuck inside of me for so long, waiting for the right moment to jump out. “ Angie,” my mom said in tears, “ I love you so much and you have to have hope that you will be safe, I know I do. Remember, I will always be with you no matter where I am or where you are because I love you.” That line sounded very familiar, and I knew exactly why. As I held my pearl necklace tight, I heard the old door knob of the classroom start to rattle and someone was banging on the door aggressively. Then all of a sudden, it began to rain.