¨Beep Beep Beep¨ every day this is the same routine that I wake up to and that I follow I wake up to a foul sound bursting from my ratchet device. As I droop above my covers to greet the day, I walk past the counter top having my final hopes and dreams left in a singular letter. The task of opening such a sacred item feels daunting as I slowly grasp it into my palm and open it. Inside I find a phrase I have become accustomed to ¨We are terribly sorry to inform you that your college application has been denied.¨ With a sigh I place the envelope back onto the placement it had been prior. 

My head swirls through what I can do now that all of my college applications have been denied and it is my senior year. My eyes begin to glance rapidly and my mind paces back and forth trying to come up with a solution to this inevitable outcome. I had always known that I was not the smartest student in the class, but I still was not prepared for the mental tourture of being rejected so many times while everyone around me gets in somewhere. Everyone in my year level had found their place while I had remained behind struggling to grasp the reality I needed to face. Then as I pour myself a bowl of cereal while contemplating my choices I hear a rapid series of knocks on the door followed by the door bell being rung. I slouch over to the door to find my friend Ann at the door holding a piece of paper in her hands as they shook profusely. I then asked her ¨What are you doing here right now,it's mighty early?¨ She then responded to me in a indescribable tone with a mixture of happiness and exhausting ¨Look!¨She then forced to paper into my face and I had read the headline which had stated ELA WRITING CONTEST, As I briefly skimmed through the pages I had been baffled to see the 1śt place prize was a free scholarship to my first choice college.

Ann had been my only true friend I´ve ever wanted or ever needed to have. She has always been confident while talking to others and had many other friends besides me. However, she had always held me in a special regard above everyone else strangely. I had meanwhile never wanted nor needed friends but for some reason Ann had been different to me when in actuality she had never done anything extraordinary. She exclaimed , ``This is the best thing ever for you.!¨ I responded collectively ¨This is great, except for the one minor issue.¨ I struggled immensely with writing. In fact it had been my worst subject through the years; it had never really clicked with me but rather was just an abstract idea that I could not yet fathume properly. But if I had only one option to get into my number one college then this is a pill I will be forced to swallow as well as a number of challenges I would need to face. I responded with ¨Wow is this really a thing that I can do¨ She proceeds to nod her head enthusiastically and profusely. She says ¨I had been able to find this opportunity through the school!¨ I looked at her with a shocked expression and said ¨Oh wait I need to go to school.¨ She smiled at me and said ¨yup you do.¨ I proceeded to thank her before closing the door and heading to school. 

Once I had arrived there I had seen many familiar faces and many familiar voices from teens in my year level. Once I had gotten to first period I had already felt exhausted and felt like not going to school ever again but then I heard my teacher mention the contest and my head lifted from my desk as I keenly listened to what she was saying now. She had mentioned how the essay writing would take place after school that day and we would only be allowed two hours to write the complete essay. That had not sounded pleasant to me but still I had gone through the day passing others who leered at me and silently judged me. This had been nothing strange because I never had been the most liked student and people felt empathetic towards me while at the same time hesitant to engage me. But after school I told Ann that I was going in. She wished me good luck as I walked inside of the classroom with little confidence but high hopes. 

As the time passed I felt more and more pressured but I also loved the feeling of the excitement. But then finally the bell chimed its wicked sound as I slowly trembled to the inbox. I felt the paper loosen from my hands before collapsing into the box. Afterwards the teacher had told all of us that the winner would be announced the next day on the loudspeaker and that she had been very proud of all of us for participating in this event. 

That night I had mentioned nothing to my parents for the fear of failure on the assignment. I had kept them in the dark about my schemes. As I lay awake in bed I had wondered what could come to be if this plan failed and what could I do to continue onwards in life. I had always made a perfect plan for myself to follow and succeed in and that I could do anything if I just followed the path. But over the years my path had practically become faint and hazed into mist and with no direction I would have no hope at achieving my dreams. I would be a failure and an embarrassment and that I could never succeed. I did not want to have my name erased from my family and I did not want to be a forgotten man who no one knew nor wanted to know. I had then started to break down. I had not wanted this but rather I needed this to work,everything I had been working to achieve in my life,all my dreams were riding on this one moment. But as my slighlent whimper turned to blak my mind was rambling with no end in sight until I had heard Beep,Beep,Beep. As I rose out of bed and wondered how much of that had been a dream and what had really been me in my bed in sorrow. My heart felt as if it had been drowning in a black ink and that it was growing inside me and that it would eventually become overwhelming. I had slowly reached out for a glass of water to purge this feeling of entrapment in my heart and clear my throat . 

As I gulped down the drink I hobbled out of bed feeling a sharp pain in my right leg. As I continued walking down the hall I contemplated all of my choices and what I had accomplished during my time in high school. It had all seemed to pass so fast and it had felt like it was just yesterday when I had been in middle school with my small group of friends. I just wish I could hold time in a bottle for that one moment and stay there laughing and having fun with the best group of people I have ever known. But sadly things have to change and change comes whether you like it or not and for me it has been the ladder.

 I then started to walk to school watching the trees bristel in the wind as the warm sun beat down on my face. Growing up I had always loved this time of year, it had been a time of closing out doors and opening new ones. But this year instead of having this feel like a new adventure it instead seemed like a looming shadow gazing over me. Then before I knew it the first period of the day had started and I took a seat as I waited for the announcements to start. Then after what seemed like years of waiting it finally happened the announcements lead out and it had said who would be representing the school in this competition. ¨Congratulations to…. Tyler Evanston!¨ I had been in pure shock and awe at what my ears had heard. I would think I had misunderstood the announcement until I saw all of my classmates slowly look over at my desk. As my muscles began to tighten I sank back in my seat, I had never wanted to be noticed and now it was occurring at the worst level perceivable. But as the silence pieces my heart and releases the black ink from the imprisonment it had been in before the teacher starts clapping and soon follows the entire class. After the shock of having my name said on the loudspeaker sets in I slowly glance around my classroom to find faces varying from disinterest in the subject at hand to being baffled at the prospect of me earning this opportunity.

 As the period ended I walked outside of the classroom and was congratulated by Ann. I then say to her ¨ Thank you so much for letting me know about this contest and believing in me that I can do anything!¨ She responds with her eyes welling with joy ¨That is what friends are for.¨ I then proceed on with my school day as normal and everyone else treats me like the same which I am glad to see because I have been accustomed to being a ghost among my classmates. At the end of the day I go into the classroom of the teacher that had hosted the event to see her face turn from disgruntledly annoyed at moving packages to joy as she sees me in the hallway. She then proceeds to open the door and praise me for my writing and how she had absolutely loved the piece I had written. The mess of dark ink in my chest was begging to weave itself into a masterwork of words and complex thought. I had asked her ¨So when is the contest with the other schools?¨ She replied ¨Oh in about a weeks time it should occur.¨ I had then thanked her for her time and had walked through the doorway feeling as if this would be the next step in something and it would be my job to find out what that thing is. 

That next week had me anxious to the bone about how I was going to say some certain lines and whether or not I should emphasise some themes or not. I had become trapped in my own web of writing and the elegant work of writing I had developed had returned to the ugly mass of ink it had been before I wrote my story. I was fearing disappointment once more and as the day creeped closer I had felt like this had become less of an exciting event but rather a force of frustration, stress, and anger growing ever closer to me. But then the day had come that morning I had gotten up and out of bed like any other day but this was anything but a normal day; this would be the day that would dictate my future and possibly my life as a whole. But I still pressed on through the day and walking to school accompanied by Ann I started down my saving grace as well as my demons at the same time. 

The English teacher had told me that after school we would go to the local theater and read our scripts aloud to the audience and have the judges make the final verdict at the end of the event. I had been able to have the English teacher drive me because I had still wanted no involvement with my parents and had not wanted them to be disappointed that I would possibly lose the contest and not be able to possess the support emotionally as well as financially from my parents. So as I was in the car I had kept trying to mold the mess of ink inside me but it kept collapsing in on itself and was unable to stabilize firmly in one position. But as we arrived at the theater there was no time left and so I slowly dragged myself over to the entrance as I had the cold gaze of the windows peer down overtop me. I had followed my teacher to the back of the stage.

 I would be presenting my essay second to last out of a total 9 people and so as I had felt at ease with that notion I slowly leaned back onto a wall and listened to the first essay being spoken. Then after that I looked to my side and saw a younger girl sitting next to me and I had asked her what she was doing and she responded with ¨I am just observing the other stories. I assume you are doing the same?¨ I had responded with ¨Yes.¨ Then I had asked her what she had written about and why she had wanted the scholarship to the school. She responded with ¨Well my mother has always taken care of me and had always wanted the best for me and so she had wanted me to succeed and so I had entered this contest because my family does not possess the funds to go to a college.¨ I sympathetically had given her my hope that she would win but internally I was conflicted now because I did not want to strip this opportunity from her. I then questioned her once more ¨Do you not have a father to provide income?¨ She silently shook her head as her eyes seemed filled with sorrow and remembrance. I slowly turned my gaze to the ground now having the mess of ink in my heart be conflicted on whether or not I should give her the chance I so desired. I mean it would not be selfish of me to want what I have worked for and what I needed just as badly and had deserved just as much as her. 

While I had been in my head space I did not realize that 3 people had already gone and as I looked to my side she was still there and she still did not move an inch from where she had last been. I had asked her what she was wishing to study in the school and what she had replied with ¨I personally don't know, all I know is that my devotion has gotten me this far and I am not going to give up now.¨ But the tone she had said it in seemed desperate rather than intimidating. She had seemed like she did not want any trouble but rather just wanted to have a possible future which was something I could relate to and I could tell that she wanted it just as much as me but sadly hope does not always prosper. That lesson had always been prevalent in my life with many opportunities being closed off from me when I had worked hard for them and I had tried my very best to succeed and still the world gave me the cold shoulder. 

I had then come back to reality and noticed that the 7th contestant had been on and I slowly gazed across the audience and found my parents next to Ann! I had felt a wave of terror overflow me inside and the mess of ink in my chest was trying to come out and run off. But I then realized that Ann must have told them but there was nothing I could do now about it but accept my fate and walk up to the mic. Then it happened they had called me up and it had almost felt like time had frozen in place and was waiting for me to decide my fate. As I looked through the crowd I saw many faces and I saw many people whom I knew along with many I had not known but regardless I had started to read. As I read through the story I had kept my gaze upon my paper and had tried my best to not miss a beat and not trip over my words.

But as I read through my story I had felt the ink in my heart beat passionately and I had felt a jolt of enthusiasm and had felt filled with energy. As I read my smile was growing and I had felt all of my nervousness seep away and I felt completed and accomplished as I gazed up to see Ann and my parents all with the proudest looks on their faces. Finally I was finished and walked off the stage and had almost jumped for joy with my success and accomplishment. But then I looked back to find the girl I was talking to nervously walking onto the stage and then I proceeded to give her a thumbs up of encouragement. Then after 10 minutes it had concluded and the judges asked all of us to walk onto the stage and hear what the winners had been. So we all had walked up onto the stage and as I looked off into the audience I saw my family and friends with the most pride out of the entire audience on their faces.

 As I closed my eyes in anticipation and I had waited and realized that I had already won and nothing else mattered at that point or any point after this. Then I heard the mic beep to life and waited for about 3 seconds. That felt like a year and a half of my life just standing there as still as a statue. Then I heard it ¨Tyler Evanston!¨ The world stopped and I gazed at the mesh of colors that had formed, had previously been people and the tears welled inside of my eyes and I had stood tall and proud. I walked over to the mic and then said ¨While I am immensely grateful for this award I would like to thank all those who helped me along the way. My friend Ann had always supported me and had always been there for me and had always liked brightening my days and providing some more joy into my life. While that had not impacted a lot of people, those simple acts of kindness every day had been beneficial to me and had given me unspeakable amounts of joy and appreciation towards you. But nonetheless my parents had been patient with me all of the time and had always cared for me and raised  me and that allowed many opportunities to be opened for me. But all that being said I do not deserve this award but instead one of my fellow contestants will be eligible to claim this award if they do so desire. So number 9 would you please come to the stand and claim your award and scholarship.¨

 The girl then proceeded to take small calculated steps towards the mic and had slowly graped the award and looked back at me with tears in her eyes and said quietly ¨Thank you.¨ The next month passed by in an instant and then the summer came and went at the same speed. I was then able to find a community college I could go to but sadly it was too far away to commute back home with. As the boxes stacked up on the final day I sat down with Ann and we talked about how we would see each other next christmas and that we would keep in touch but then she asked me ¨What had inspired you to write that story anyway?¨ I had responded automatically ¨Honestly I just had written with the ink inside of my heart.¨ She then rose off from the chair she had been on and said ¨Well I should head out I need to get ready for my flight.¨ She then proceeded to hug me before saying with sorrow in her voice ¨Stay golden ponyboy, stay golden.¨ I responded ¨You too.¨  Then off she had when, I sat down on my porch and looked off at the glaring sun before walking back inside. THE END