Jake Powell. 10th grade. He bullied me for as long as I can remember. Never will I forget the day that he shoved my head in that toilet. That day, I nearly drown and who knows, maybe I was better off that way. Him being a fellow policeman’s son, dad never suspected him to be my enemy.

“Hey Jake. How’s your dad?”

“He’s doing great. He’ll be back in service in a week.” He said with a smile that sickened my guts.


As soon as dad pulls off and God I wish he hadn’t, I could feel my stomach go numb as my body came in contact with the ground.

“Get up dweeb!”

Rrrriiiiinnnnggg! The bell for first block. I was safe… for the time being.

“Don’t get too relaxed. See you in third!”

When I was sure that he had withdrawn, I gathered my breath and prepared to make my way towards the wolf’s den. With each step, my stomach throbbed. I just barely made it to the classroom on time.

As I walked into the classroom with my head down, I could feel several pairs of eyes glaring at me as I made my way to my seat. Klump! Outbursts of laughter filled the room.

“Look! He’s right where he belongs!”

Those words came from a voice far too familiar. None other than the idiot Senior, Josh Harding, who’s flunked Geometry three times. He loves to pick on my because I’m what they consider “fresh meat” and I happen to be the only ninth grader in the class, making me an easy target.

Another round of snickering.

“Quite down,” said Mr. Thomas.

Thankfully, Mr. Thomas’s warning kept them at bay, but it was short-lived.

Towards the end of class, my fellow torturers began to send me texts, threatening ones like “No one loves you, not even your father.” and “Why don’t you just lay somewhere and die.” Most of them were coming from my use-to-be girl of my dreams, Ashley Banks, who for some reason just hated my guts.

One day, I dropped a love letter in her locker but unfortunately for me, Jake’s hand grabbed it and he read it aloud for everyone to hear. Laughter burst through the hallway and my head sunk lower into my chest. When I quickly glanced at Ashley, her expression of embarrassment and hatred overwhelmed me. I ran. All that courage and love I put into that letter was now washed away.

The texts kept coming until it became unbearable. I screamed in my mind “Leave me alone,” but apparently it wasn’t just in my mind because I could hear Mr. Thomas call my name “Kyle, step outside for a moment.”

On my way out, everyone had sinister smirks on their faces ready to blow as soon as I left that room. The door closed behind me and I was left alone with Mr. Thomas.

“What’s wrong, Kyle? Not only have you disturbed the class but your grades are slipping from A’s to D’s. Kyle, I know you’re a good kid and I just want to let you know that you can tell me anything. So what’s wrong?”

Those words touched me a little but I rubbed it off and said “Nothing. It’s just that I’m stressed out.”

“About what? Come on, tell me,” he pleaded. His pleading made me hopeful and I finally felt like someone cared. I opened my mouth, ready to expose all my misery to finally be free of the chains that bonded me, to have sweet revenge on my persecutors.
“Oh. I understand. The upcoming exams are stressing you out. No need to worry, just study and call me when you need help! Okay?”

And at that moment, my chains sealed me again. I put the fakest smile that I could possibly put on my face and said, “You’re right. I’ll just have to study harder.”

“Good,” he said. And with that the bell rang and I was dismissed to next block.

The texts kept coming until it became unbearable. I screamed in my mind “Leave me alone,” but apparently it wasn’t just in my mind because I could hear Mr. Thomas call my name “Kyle, step outside for a moment.”

On my way out, everyone had sinister smirks on their faces ready to blow as soon as I left that room. The door closed behind me and I was left alone with Mr. Thomas.

“What’s wrong, Kyle? Not only have you disturbed the class but your grades are slipping from A’s to D’s. Kyle, I know you’re a good kid and I just want to let you know that you can tell me anything. So what’s wrong?”

Those words touched me a little but I rubbed it off and said “Nothing. It’s just that I’m stressed out.”

“About what? Come on, tell me,” he pleaded. His pleading made me hopeful and I finally felt like someone cared. I opened my mouth, ready to expose all my misery to finally be free of the chains that bonded me, to have sweet revenge on my persecutors.
“Oh. I understand. The upcoming exams are stressing you out. No need to worry, just study and call me when you need help! Okay?”

And at that moment, my chains sealed me again. I put the fakest smile that I could possibly put on my face and said, “You’re right. I’ll just have to study harder.”

“Good,” he said. And with that the bell rang and I was dismissed to next block.

After cafeteria came a bathroom break in which I hated most because Jake would be there waiting for my arrival, waiting to pound me until I begged him to stop. For the past few days, I’ve been able to avoid him but this time wasn’t possible. I really had to go and there was no way I was going to just pee my pants or go into the girls restroom. Also, the others were too far out of range.

So I faced my doom, walking into the death pit knowing that I wouldn’t come out without some scars. To my luck, he wasn’t there. So I scurried into the bathroom, handled my business, and washed my hands. Yes! I escaped his grasp!

My joyful expression changed to horror as soon as I opened the door. There standing at the entrance was none other than my friend, my betrayer, and worst enemy, Jake. I backed away into the wall in fear as he and is jock posse blocked the exit, my freedom.

“So you thought you could escape?!” said Jake.

From there, I knew there was no hope. He signaled for Michael and Shane to grab me. I stunned Michael by kicking him in the stomach, but ultimately, my attempts were to no avail. Shane punched me in my stomach and I fell to the ground in agony. Shun recovered. They grabbed me brutally and slammed me into the wall. I moaned in anguish. Then Jake came over and began pounding me in my stomach and ribs until I begged him to stop by saying “I am Jake’s worthless slave” three times.

The pain became too unbearable, so I built up the remaining strength I had to say it the required three times before I fell to my face holding my stomach.

“That should do. Come on, let’s leave him.” He said with a pleasingly sinister smirk on his face.

As I lay there, the only thing that crossed my mind was worthless. Worthless. I’m worthless. No one cares.

I can’t even remember how I got back to class, how I went to 4th block, or how I left to go home. The pain of my beating and the word worthless were the only things I could remember vividly.

When I arrived home, all of the pain drifted away knowing that I would finally get to play Black Ops with dad.

“Dad, ready to perish at my hands?” I placed my book sack at the door and ran to the living room.”

“Dad?” No answer.

I turned to look at the phone and sure enough, it flashed red meaning a new voicemail. I pressed play knowing good and well who it was. The phone roared to life.

“Hey son. Sorry for breaking my promise. I hope you can forgive me, but I have a major case that I have to work on. I won’t be back till tomorrow. Love you, son. I promise that I’ll make it up to you when I get back. And one last thing, I left some Alfredo in the fridge.”

And with that, the phone died away kind of like I did inside.

I reached my breaking point. The only thing holding me together was dad’s promise that was now broken. I ran to the bathroom knocking everything over in my path. When I arrived at the bathroom, I pulled open the cabinet and grabbed my friend, the razor. I sat down on the toilet and commenced cutting myself one slash after another in sync.

After I finished, I watched the streams of blood drain away into the sink where all my misery lay. For a moment, I began to feel light-headed. When my head settled down, I made sure to clean the remains so dad wouldn’t see. For the rest of the night, I withdrew to bed losing my appetite. As I lie there staring at the ceiling, I listened to my favorite songs “Anthem of the Angels” and “Dear Agony” by Breaking Benjamin. It calmed my spirit a little. Before I knew it, I had fallen to sleep.

Nightmares.

I had a dream about mom, her soft, brown hair, her lusty blue eyes, and her piercing smile that always brought joy to my soul. In my dream, I was running to her, reaching for her arms. The closer I got, the more complete I was. Then suddenly I could hear tires screeching followed by the sound of a car tumbling. Mom disappeared into the darkness only to reappear on her deathbed, lifeless.

I woke up with a start. I glanced over at my clock that read 7:45.

Dang it! I only have 15 minutes to get to class. I threw my clothes on nearly falling, brushed my teeth, and sprinted to school. For some reason, I felt like I had forgotten something, something important, but I shrubbed the thought off, knowing I had no time to turn back.

At school now, and I had approximately five minutes to spare. Unfortunately for me, it was the worst five minutes in my life. As soon as I step foot on the school campus, I could feel the whole school body staring. Some of the expressions on their faces showed concern.

That’s peculiar. I thought to myself. Never before have I had all this attention.

“Well, well, well. Look who’s all ‘emo‘.” said Ashley as she appeared out of the crowd.

My heart pounded. I came to the realization that I left my jacket, my mask that covered all my pain. Here, I stood naked for all to see.

“A cutter huh?” said Josh, as he too came into view. I hung my head down as low as I could in total embarrassment. Now, this wouldn’t be a reunion without Jake.

“Serves you right! But I don’t believe you cut deep enough. Let me help you with that.”

“Hey! Stop! That’s going too far!” said a voice from the audience.

Those words didn’t help stop the torture. I couldn’t take it anymore. I ran still with my head down through the crowd. I ran where my feet lead me. As I ran, I could hear their voices in my head saying “No one loves you.” “Why don’t you just lay somewhere and die.” “Worthless.” “You didn’t cut deep enough.”

Before, I knew it, I was home. I walked to my dad’s room, searched his drawer, and found what I was looking for. I walked to my room with the item in my hand. I gently placed it down on my bed and grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper writing my last letter. I placed it on my counter right beside my bed. I gently sat on my bed and picked up the item. Never before have I been so fascinated by it. We are alike in some ways. Cold. Hollow. Lifeless. I lifted the cold, lifeless item to my head. A tear fell as I closed my eyes. Sweet memories of my mother calmed me.

“Here I come mom.”

I stepped out of the car anxious to be back home with Kyle and put a smile on his face. I opened the door.

“Kyle? Ready to meet your end?”

No answer.

“Kyle… Kyle?”

I began to worry. Thoughts clouded my mind.

I walked to the living room and I was bewildered at the mess in there, I grabbed my gun and ran to Kyle’s room.

“Kyle… Kyle?” I said becoming more worried the more I called his name.

When I reached his room, I slammed open the door. The image that awaited me nearly destroyed me.

Klump! I dropped my gun in horror.

There spreaded on the wall like a piece of art was blood. And there lying limp on the bed was my beloved son, now nothing more than a hollow carcass. I ran to his side, crying profusely, and embraced him.

“Why.” I thought to myself. “I’ve been working overtime for the pass few weeks trying to make ends meet. All those times I promised that I’d spend time with him. I broke every single one of them… I’m so sorry.

After several minutes of mourning, I began to examine the room. On the floor beside his bed lay the murder weapon, which I traced back to the one that I kept in my drawer for emergencies. There lying on his drawer was a letter. I opened it and read it aloud.

Dear Dad,

By the time you read this, I’ve been long gone. I’ve been hanging by a thread lately, trying to hold on for dear sake but I couldn’t do it. The agony became too unbearable to take. Everyday the darkness became stronger but I found my light, the way to rid all my pain. Now, I can join mother and be in her arms. Dad, I’m so sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to understand and forgive me. I love you, dad.

P.S. Could you please release my ashes where mother’s lay so that I can roam free like her. Once this is done, I will be at peace. Thank you. For everything.

Love,
Kyle