" Aggh", I moaned as I opened my eyes falling out the closet on my back . Looking up I saw my mom standing above me with hand over the closet door knob "Amira , what the hell are u doing in your closet?"Letting go of the handle my mom put her hands on her hips, frowning down at me waiting for an explanation. Groaning more I slowly pulled myself up until I was sitting on my butt and crossed my legs . Looking up at my mom I said" I had a nightmare okay ". My mom shaking her head said "did you take your medicine before bed ?" Shaking my head I got up and headed across my room to my bathroom while saying "I told you I'm not taking that s***, it messes with my head and I don't like it."My mom matched my pace and grabbed me by my arm "if you don't take your medicine ill call doctor Michael's and get him to admit you to the hospital".Jerking my arm back I slammed the door and screamed "I f*ing hate you ,you horrible b****". Falling to the floor I pulled my knees to my chest and crossed my arms over them and put my head down and cried.When I finally pulled myself together I got up and took my shower taking my time. Thirty-five minutes later I walked out the bathroom in my towel secure around my body. Walking to my closet I pulled out a pair of dark skinny jeans and a plain grey t-shirt.Sitting on my bed I dried off and put my clothes on checking my phone I forgot to put on the charger the night before I saw no new text or missed calls. Sighing I put it on the charger dried my hair and went back to the bathroom to blow dry it. When I was done I ran a brush through it and went back in my room to get my bag and my converse by my bed. I picked my phone up and called my boyfriend Rylan , after three rings he finally picked up "yea Amira what do you want ? "sighing I answered"are u still picking me up or should I just drive myself ?"He didn't answer for awhile then he said "ill be there in ten", and hung up. Throwing my phone I got up and walked downstairs to the kitchen and found my dad passed out at the kitchen table. Ignoring him I walked over to the cabinet and pulled out the box of cereal bars ,took four out and walked back upstairs.Taking the phone off the charger I put my shoes on and grabbed my bag shoving the cereal bars in it . Heading back to the bathroom I put my makeup on and heard a car horn from outside which was probably Rylan. Hurrying I ran downstairs but not before hearing my mom from the leaving room say" doesn't he know how to come to a door". My dad hungover stumbles into the room "leave her the hell alone, stop being a b**** ". Feeling an argument I walked down the rest of the stairs and out the front door slamming the door but not before hearing the start of another fight. Walking over to rylan's truck he was getting out to open my door once he closed my door he got back in and headed towards school. We didn't talk the whole way out my neighborhood and last night came back to my mind.

It was Sunday night and we were celebrating 3 years together.We'd decided to keep It simple and do a dinner and a movie. We dressed normal jeans , shirts and his hoodie for me and we went to Applebee's . Everything was great we ate dinner, laughed and played music all the way to the movies but that's when everything changed. We got our tickets and snacks and went to the theatre. Inside we found seats at the top and laughed at people trying to get seats at the top coming in 15 minutes late. When the movie started I leaned against him and he rubbed my arm and I flinched. Confused he look down at me and I shook my head. Sitting me up he pulled his hoodie sleeve the hoodie he had lent me Friday up and looked at my arm."Amira what the hell did u do?" Not bothering to look down because I knew what he was referring to I didn't answer. He ignored the fact I didn't answer and kept going. "I thought we talked about this ? I thought you told me you would stop? What happened to calling me if you ever felt the need to cut?he whispered angrily."At that point the tears started rolling down my face, and I wiped them away with the back of my hand but they kept coming. In a shaky voice I croaked "I'm sorry babe I'm so sorry , but I did call you that night you weren't picking up . My parents were fighting and Ashely was telling me you were hooking up with her and I didn't know what to do".Looking at me he said"do you honestly believe I would hook up with that whore after she tried to countless times before to break us up. If you honesty believe that your dumb, you know your the only girl I've ever been with." Crying harder I asked " can we not do this right now"? He looked towards the screen "there's nothing else to say you broke my trust". Those were the last words we spoke until the movie was over I could barely focus on the movie. After the movie ended he abruptly got up and walked down the stairs towards the exit. Glumly I followed after him back in his truck we just sat there. After awhile he said " how can I be there for you if you never let me. Don't answer that just think about it."Without another word we left the parking lot and he drove me home neither of us saying another word.Coming out of my flashback I looked over at him and said "Rylan , how long are you gonna give me the silent treatment, you know I cut you've seen seen my old scars. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but you can't punish me forever."We stopped at a red light and he looked at me "I'm not punishing you Amira I just have nothing to say".briefly he looked down at my bare arm with the cuts and got his jacket from next to him I left in his truck and gave it to me. Putting it on I grabbed his arm closest to me and made him look at me " Rylan I love you I'm sorry I don't know what else I can do." Pulling me across the seat next to him he put his arm around me and keeps driving. Feeling forgiven I leaned more into him and breathed in his sweet cologne."I love you",he whispered eyes still on the road . Looking up at him from the crook of his arm I whispered " I love you too".

Pulling into our beat up looking two - story high school , I reached down to get my bag.Pulling into a vacant parking spot.I waited in my seat as he turned the engine off , grabbed his stuff and came around to open my door. Reaching for his arm as he was turing away he looked back at me "yes"? Smiling I crooked my finger at him telling him to come here. Coming towards me I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer his hands around my stomach . He bent down and kissed me softly on my nose and then my lips. Kissing him back I deepened the kiss and ran my fingers through his soft blonde hair. Moaning softly he pulled back still bent down but now staring in my blue eyes. Staring back into his green eyes I asked " what's wrong why'd you stop?,"frowning a little. Smiling down at me he answered" because Amira we're gonna be late and you know how Mrs. Jameson can be." Nodding I hopped down and grabbed my bag closing my door I reached for his hand and he accepted. We walked hand in hand towards the school greeting friends on our way. Inside we stopped by our lockers and headed to first period. Mrs Jameson is the type of English teacher that unless she likes you in the beginning of the year. Then she hates you and that's never a good thing, because if she hates you that's a lot of homework every semester. Grabbing our seats we said the pledge and did our daily warm up. After collecting our warm up ,mrs. Jameson made an announcement that we would be doing a term paper on something in our life we wanted to change it could be fiction or non fiction .We were gonna do an oral essay on what we wrote at the end of the semester. Sitting up I thought about my life at home and I how I wish I could change it.How I could write about it and maybe it would help me forget about cutting.

After class rylan walked me to my next class and kissed me on my cheek before he headed to his. Seeing Ashley already in class knowing she saw the kiss I held my head up high and walked in. Finding my seat next to my best friend Pat, he looked at me . "What the hell happened to you"?Saying as he moved his stuff .Sitting down and throwing my bag on the floor I put my head down on the table."Ugh, please don't make me start on that".Peeking from the side I can see he's not gonna let up. Groaning I sit up and replay everything that happened . When I finnish the first words out of his mouth is "that damn whore. Where does she get off saying dumb s*** like that. You know Rylan wouldn't do that right I've known him since pre-k". Shrugging "maybe idk , he's been weird since yesterday." Leaning back Pat said "you can't blame the guy you did hide that from him I would be mad too". We couldn't talk after that because class started. The rest of the day dragged on in a bore. I looked forward to lunch the most because Rylan was taking me off campus. After he picked me up from history, we headed to the parking lot. After getting in I leaned over and kissed him on the jaw. Smirking he squeezed my thigh and we left.We decided to head to our favorite pizza

Our pizza place is called Juliano's and we have a table we always sit at by the front window. Juliano the owner knows everyone and if he doesn't you can bet by the time you leave he'll know everything about you.Walking in we greeted him from across the room and sat at our table. Rylan looking out the window looked like something was bothering him. " Babe are you ohkay?,I asked as Juliano brought our drinks. Mt.dew for me and iced tea for Rylan. He looked from the window to me "sure babe everything's fine." I didn't believe him but I guessed he wasn't gonna say anything else on the topic, because he started talking about some thing that happened in his trig class. When our food came a large meat lovers with extra cheese we dug in.After we finished rylan paid the bill and we left heading back to school. Back in the school parking lot we sat there for awhile we still had ten minutes before lunch was over. Leaning back I covered my eyes with my hand. "Rylan if you tell me nothing, nothing will get fixed". Looking over at me he turned to me and pulled the hoodie sleeve up. Looking down at the three day old cuts he bent down and kissed every single one softly all twelve.Looking back up at me he said "I hate when you cut it breaks my heart. I know you say it helps you deal but baby I'm right here. You can talk to me or call me and say pick me up I need air. We can go to the park until you calm down. Baby I don't want you to die from this , I don't wanna see you hurt yourself anymore. If leaving you will make you stop ill do it to protect you". Springing up I looked at him"what the hell rylan? You really think leaving will change things it'll only make it worse cant you see I'm only better when I'm with you. I don't need to cut and I don't think about dying. Your my life babe , your the only reason I'm alive and keep moving . I can't leave you. Remember you said your here for the good and the bad. Don't go back on that I promise ill try to stop I've been clean for three days". Nodding rylan nudged me to his shoulder and ran his fingers through my hair. "Yes,baby I'm here I'm not leaving I just didn't know if I was the problem. Ill always be here for you just don't forget that". To lighten the mood I leaned back and smiled. Looking down at me he asked "what"? Laughing I moved back to his seat and kissed him on his cheek "we have five minutes left lets make the most of it". Smirking he leaned over and started kissing me my neck and then my lips and my jaw.

Five minutes later I was sitting in trig when Ashely came over. So I see you and Rylan are still together. Ignoring her I went back to my worksheet. Can you leave me alone, I really don't feel like dealing with you right now". Feeling her hot breath in my ear she said "just so you know if he denied it he's lying ill send you the pics if you want". Getting up I got in her face"take your bullshit lies and go tell them to someone who cares. Everyone knows how big of a liar you are and they all hate you". She started to smirk "it seems you care or you wouldn't be in my face. Just Realize your boyfriend doesn't want you anymore. You don't know how to be the type of girl he needs ,your to clingy and dysfunctional".Right after dysfunctional left her mouth I punched her in the face. Hearing fist connecting to jaw people turned around. Not stopping I pushed her to the ground straddling her I started punching her and pulling her head. She tried to fight back but my anger gave me an advantage. In the middle of her screams to our classmates to pull me off. Someone ended up pulling me off turning around it was Rylan. "Amira what are you doing?!? Are you crazy? Do you that's ten days out"? Moving past him I ran out the classroom I ran outside the building to the parking lot. Pulling my spare to his truck I got in and cried. Not much after the drive r's seat door opened. "Your not in trouble because the teacher wasn't there and no one believed Ashley or backed up her story. Your off the hook with the school but not with me. Tell me what the hell happened". Pulling up my knees I said"Ashley said there's pictures of you and her and that ,if you denied doing anything with her your lying". Angrily he slammed his
Fist on the steering wheel . "Are you fucking serious Amira ? Why do you have to always believe her over me? Why can't you ever believe your boyfriend, me? I've never done anything to make you not trust me. I've always told you the truth, I've been here through everything. Don't you think if I was gonna cheat on you I would've left you after? Answer me dammit?" Nodding I agreed, I didn't know what else I could say. "We're leaving , Ill pick up our stuff after baseball practice." Nodding again then I panicked " we're gonna get in trouble for skipping ." Laughing he said your not worried about Ashley finding a way to get you in trouble for beating her up, but your worried about getting in trouble for skipping". I started getting angry " you know my mom will kill me if I skip again." Laughing again he said "I went to the nurse and told her you were throwing up and stuff and she said I could take you home . Calm down babe ,still laughing, your gonna bust a vein."

We ended up going to the mall and Rylan ended up buying me clothes. Well I picked them out he paid for them. He said that he felt bad Ashley was being a b**** and he wanted to make it up to me. Tired and feeling sore from carrying all the bags we headed to the food court. Leaning back in one of the plastic chairs I looked over at Rylan. In a flirty voice I said "Hey hun you know you want to get up and buy us someChick-fil-a. Groaning he leaned his head back "babe I'm so tired though why don't you do it." Frowning I said "your the guy come on dont be a whimp". Jumping up at the at the realization of his man hood points going down. He took my order and went to get our food. Smiling I crossed my ankles at the heel and leaned back watching him stand in line. When he came back he said " Amira you are one sneaky girl". Laughing we are our food and left sore but full. When I got back my mom was standing on the porch hands on hips and frowning. Rylan opening my door and helping with my bags look worried. "Are you gonna be okay I mean if you wait until I'm done with practice you can crash at my place. Shaking my head I said " no it's okay she won't do anything she's on parole she can't." Nodding we walked to the porch together. Not even saying a word she walked back in the house.Letting the screen door slam behind her. Opening the door for me he helped carry my bags to my room. Locking the door behind me I dropped the bags and walked over to him kissing him he put his hands around my waist and picked me up carrying me to the bed. Setting me down he backed up and said " I do but your mom's here, I have to get to practice and you have to put your clothes away. Frowning I said " will you come over later when they go to sleep ?" Nodding he kissed me once on the lips and left. Looking out my window I watched him drive away and saw the tree from my dreams. Shuddering I moved from the window and started putting my clothes away.

"How was your day Amira?" Hearing my moms from the doorway I turned around. "Um,good I guess I have a project in English." I could tell she didn't like my answer. Walking over she sat on my bed. Crossing her legs said " well I got a call from the school nurse a couple of hours ago. She told me that you were throwing up and that Rylan would be bringing you home shortly. Amira how far from school do we live?" Looking at her I said " like ten minutes." Nodding she said "so why are you home two hours later with shopping bags?" Getting annoyed I said " if there's something you want to say just say it I have stuff to do and talking to you wasn't on the list." Getting up she walked over to me and slapped me in the face. It was a hard slap because
my head jerked to the side. Rubbing my face I said"get the hell out of my room before I call the cops and you go back to jail." Walking away she said "that pretty little boyfriend won't always be there got you, one day he'll leave you and you'll have no one." Closing my door I threw a my clothes around my room. Shaking I walked over to my bed and got my phone. Calling his number I got his voicemail. I decided to call Pat he picked up on the second ring. "Yea...girlie?" In a shaky voice I asked how long is baseball practice gonna last?" He cleared his throat and said well there's a party after practice everyone and the cheerleaders are going to so idk." Realizing I was neither of those and that Rylan didn't bring up a party I got a sick feeling in my stomach. "Oh okay ,well my moms calling me for dinner." Hanging up to him still talking to me I threw my phone. How could he not tell me about party. What if he cheats on me with Ashley? Telling myself to shut up I decided to work on my paper. I decided my paper would be on cutting. Four hours later finished with my paper my wandered to the party. I started over thinking and hearing voices telling that something was happening. Ignoring them I got up and went to bed. I slept a dreamless sleep and went to the shower to get ready for the day. When I got out I checked my phone no calls or texts . Groaning I got dressed and called Rylan getting his voicemail I threw my stuff in my bag and headed downstairs. Seeing my dad passed out day two at the table I grabbed a monster from the fridge and walked out the door. Pulling out my car keys I got in and headed to school. Sitting in the school parking lot I waited for Rylan but he didn't show. Giving up I headed into school and to first. He was already I'm class when I got there walking over to him I said "what happened last night?" Looking up at up at me he confused then realization hit what I was talking about. "Oh, sorry babe I totally forgot about that, the team had a party and I liked my mind went blank." Walking away to another seat I said " whatever leave me alone today". The rest of the day sucked and when I got to trig it got worse. Ashley was waiting by my seat with a smile on her face. Walking I sat down at my seat and said"what the hell are you looking giddy for." Reaching into her bag she pulled out her cellphone and put it on the table. It was on her photos an they're in twenty different photos were her and Rylan. Kissing, making out, dancing ,and a lot more. Picking up her phone I ran out of class and headed to the chemistry hall where Rylan was. Storming through his classroom door I found him and threw the phone at him. Catching it while saying " what the hell Amira", looking down at the pictures and back up at me . He said" s***, Amira I can explain." Running out the classroom and to the student parking lot I could hear Rylan behind me telling me to wait. Getting in my car I speeded off towards home.

Unlocking the door and running to my room glad my parents were at work . I locked myself into my room and lifted the side of my bed and got my razor I used for cutting. Sitting down in front of my bed I picked my arm up and laid it across my knees. Taking the razor I slide it across my wrist while crying about everything I hated in my life. Looking down I said there was no mark. Angrily I kept doing it over and over and over again. Feeling tired I laid down I went to sleep. Waking up I realized everything was brighter. Looking down my hands weren't there. Freaking out until I saw me on the floor in a puddle of my blood. At first I didn't believe it was me until I saw the razor. Looking at my arm laying in the blood I realized there were way more cuts on my arm then I thought I had made. Realizing my mind tricked me I screamed . Hearing my door open I turned around and saw Rylan forgetting I gave him a spare to the house. Watching his reaction he looked around worried and then found me by my bed he ran over. Yelling curses he picked me up and put my limp body on his lap . Listening for a heart beat he heard a faint tiny beating. Reaching into his pocket he took out his phone and called an ambulance. Watching him do all these I was wondered why . He cheated on me he wanted Ashley so why was he trying to save me. Carrying me down stairs he laid me on the couch and sat down next to me. "Amira if you can hear me I swear I did nothing with her I was drunk as hell and I can't remember anything . Those pictures look bad but I couldn't even drive home Pat had to. I swear that stuff if it happened she made me do it. " crying he leaned over me and kept crying. A few minutes later the medics came and put me on the stretcher and took me away. "Agggg",I moaned opening my crusted eyes I saw that I was in a white room with bears. Everywhere there was flowers and bears my favorite animal. Looking over I saw Rylan slumped in a chair and my parents outside talking to a doctor. "Rylan?" Jumping awake he ran over and held my hand"Amira what the hell were you thinking you could've died." Ignoring him I asked "how long have I been out?" Frowning he said "a month you were in a coma , today's your birthday your and adult."eyes widened I slowly said " a month are you sure?" Nodding he showed me his phone with our faces from last years green day concert smiling at us. Sliding his finger across the screen he showed me the date. Today was
March 25, I turned eighteen today. Looking at him I said " you stayed with me I saw you, you called the ambulance. You told me nothing happened with Ashley. You didn't cheat on me." Shaking his head he
Said " no I didn't do any of it atleast not intentionally." Reaching up I pulled him down and hugged him, hugging me back he whispered "don't ever leave me."

The next few days before I was released were stressful. My mom was trying to get the doctors to agree to making me stay at home but my dad told her to shut up . A day later my dad filed for divorce and bought me an apartment, where we moved in all my stuff. I graduated high school and never spoke to my mom after that day in my room. Rylan and I went off to college and got married and had four beautiful kids two boys and two girls. We got a house not far away
From where my father lives and lived a happy life. One day while I was making dinner my daughter clarrisee walked up to me she was twelve at the time. "Mommy, reaching up , why do you have scars on your wrist. Reaching over I enclosed her in my arms "baby mommy will tell you when your older. Don't worry about that right now it's a sad story." Nodding she changed the subject. "So mom I saw this show"-,watching my daughter talk and nodding at the right moment I realized I'm glad I didn't die that night. A few hours later Rylan came home from work and all the kids crowed around him wanting to tell him there day. Laughing and walking over I told them to get ready for dinner and kissed my husband. " how was work babe?" Chuckling he said not as bad as your day I see". Shaking my head and smiling I said "I couldn't ask for anything better".