The moment I stepped outside, the cold, crisp, October air nipped at my cheeks, surely turning them into rosy balls of flush. I spotted Ryan sitting in his bright, sunny yellow, door-less jeep wrangler. He smiled through the windshield at me as I approached the passenger side of his ridiculously colored car. He leaned over from where he was sitting and opened the door from the inside. It’s not like I was incapable of the action, it’s just that Ryan is old-fashionably chivalrous; which I find extremely attractive. I plopped in his car and let the heat thaw out my face and fingers. “Good morning, sunshine” Ryan said, flashing me his adorable smile once again. “Good morning” I repeated. His hair had that nice movie star look, which made my breath catch in my throat. He was wearing a dark, tan leather jacket that had several pockets in the front and zipped up on the side. He wore that over a white t-shirt with light blue Levi jeans. He didn’t seem to show any surprise at my choice of dress. I was pleased at this, one less thing for me to hyperventilate about. We rode in comfortable silence for a few moments while I fiddled with the radio for something slightly less obnoxious than what he was playing before I arrived. I left it on the station that played mostly Adele and leaned back in my seat satisfied. I could tell by his expression that this would not have been his first choice, or his second. “So” I said angling myself towards him. “Did you ask your mom about tonight? Can you come over and help hand out candy to the trick or treaters?” Ryan turned left onto the road that would take us directly to Nestucca High School in Cloverdale, Oregon. “Yeah, I asked her and she said it was cool, but I am only coming over if we get to have a ‘Saw’ marathon in your living room.” I grimaced when he said this. I, out of everyone in this world am the only one who would freak out at a little kid, animated movie like ‘Monster House’, not to mention ‘Saw’. Ryan knows this to; he talked me into seeing the movie ‘Paranormal Activity’ with him, a little over 2 weeks ago. During the first 10 minutes I was practically in his lap, screaming like a baby. On second thought maybe having this little marathon at my house is not such a bad idea. “Alright fine. We’ll have the marathon, but you’re on snack duty.” I said. Normally you think because it would take place at my house I would provide the rations, but my parents are super crazed healthy people, and have nothing but organic crap. And I know for a fact Ryan would not enjoy munching on carrots and celery for the duration of the evening. “No problem.” he said, understanding my request. We turned into the school and parked in the closest parking spot near the exit. Things tend to get hectic when students are in a hurry. We dwindled around my locker until the first bell rang telling students to go to first period. “I’ll see you in English” Ryan said walking toward his first class. “See ya!” I called back. Unfortunately Ryan and I only had 2 classes together and lunch. People would think that to be a lot, but when you can’t stop thinking about someone, 2 classes just doesn’t seem to be enough.
I don’t think the day could have gone by any slower than it already was; Chemistry had a goal to completely drown my average until it was nonexistent, Geometry wasn’t any better, and I fumbled on my monologue during Drama class, making students snicker as I stuttered like an idiot. Finally it was 4th period and time for English. I practically sprinted down the hallways to get to Mrs. Zieres’s class. I rounded the corner and entered the classroom. I was one of the first people to arrive; I sat down trying to catch my breath. When I calmed down a little I strummed my fingers against the desk, keeping a rhythm that was in sequence with my heartbeat, a little too fast to pass as a casual gesture. The effort seemed absolutely void when Ryan walked in, because my breathing picked up to how it was when I speed walked to class. He smiled at me and walked over to the desk that was beside mine. “Hey” he said. “Hey” I replied a little more cheerily than necessary. I tried to sound like I normally did when I knew that he would only be my best friend, and nothing else. “So you will never guess what just happened to me” Ryan said, leaning towards me. “What?” I said, curiously. “You know that girl that’s in our gym class?” “Oh yeah that one girl.” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes; I seemed to be doing that a lot this morning. Ryan narrowed his deep blue eyes at me “ok Mrs. Sarcasm, her name’s like Erica Donahugh, or something like that.” I nodded in clarification. Erica was the beach blonde, absolutely gorgeous, captain of the volleyball team. Anytime she walked in the room, guy’s gaze immediately roamed to one specific part of her body, and she liked it. I was shocked he had the nerve to pretend he didn’t even know her name. Fear gripped me. What if Ryan had a thing for her? What straight GUY wouldn’t have a thing for her, I mean come on she could be a freaking model. “What about her?” I said, glumly turning my gaze from his face to the agenda for today on the board. “She invited me to the, uh, party of the season at her house tonight.” He said dusting his shoulders off, like he was ‘so fly’. I could feel tears beginning to form inside me, threatening to brim over my eyes, but I held it in. “really?!” I said with fake enthusiasm. “You’re going right?” I asked. My voice didn’t sound right, and judging by Ryan’s cautious expression he knew it too. “Are you sick or something?” he asked with genuine concern. I’m about to be, I thought silently to myself; as if in agreement with my thoughts. Nausea twisted in my stomach and I had the sudden urge to throw up. Ryan was definitely never going to feel the way about me like I do to him. He got invited to Erica’s party, a dream in which was only granted to the fortunate ones.
“No-Yeah. I-I’m not feeling so hot.” Ryan immediately got up. “Come on.” he said “I’ll walk you to the clinic.” “No, no, no.” I said “I’ll tough it out.” I was not going to go home and be organically treated with herbs from the garden, there is no way. My mother is just too stubborn to buy Pepto Bismol and be done with it. “It’s better if you try to heal yourself naturally.” She would say to me. Usually when we get into those conversations I just say the word ‘epidural’ and she shuts up. “Are you positive?” he said, slowly sitting back down. “absolutely.” I locked eyes with him to show him that I was undoubtedly serious. He just raised one eyebrow in response and turned his attention to the board where the consistent twelve assignments awaited. I sighed and opened my textbook glad to have escaped any conversation including Erica Donahugh. She was so beautiful it made me sick, literally. I was positive Ryan was going to walk up to me during gym and tell me he was going to take a rain check on our, well planned out movie night so he could go to Erica’s stupid party. I think I honestly might just fall to the floor and die. There was no way on earth I could compete with her. She’s rich, athletic and not to mention hot! There was no more conversation during 1st period, which I was thankful for. It would put off my death considerably. When the bell rang I hurriedly packed up my things looking at Ryan only through my peripheral vision. “I’ll see you at lunch.” He said as he stood to exit the classroom. “No you won’t.” I shocked myself with this reply. “How come?” Ryan’s eyebrows creased with confusion. My brain searched for an answer. I had no idea why I said that. Probably just to get out of seeing Ryan and him canceling on me to go flirt with the queen of the flirts. “I, uh…have to make up a test that I was absent for.” My lying wasn’t very professional. Usually when I try to lie I just smile like an idiot and avoid eye contact. But I had to make sure that this lie came across as the truth. My teenage heart depended on it. “When were you ever absent?” he asked, his eyebrows still in the same position, this time creasing even more as his confusion grew. Ugh why did he have to be the one guy on this planet that actually paid attention to detail? “I don’t know.” I said a little irritated “I just need to make it up.” “OK.” He said dropping the subject. “Well than I guess I’ll see you in gym.” He flashed me the dimple and dashed out the door. He would probably be late considering his next class was all the way across the school. “See ya.” I sighed, talking to no one in particular. Mrs. Zieres eyed me questioningly above the novel she was reading. I got the feeling she knew what was going on inside me, even though Ryan seemed to be completely oblivious to it. I just muttered ‘what are you looking at’, too low for even my own ears to hear, and walked out the door.

The day went by with unreal speed. It seemed that I was in gym before I even registered the fact. Of course I didn’t really have a test to retake, so I just hid out in the girl’s bathroom for the duration of the lunch period, and nibbled on the crust of my sandwich. Butterflies accumulated in my stomach as I dressed out. It didn’t help that 3 feet away, Erica Donahugh dressed out, while exposing her flawless physique. I shot daggers of jealousy towards her. It wasn’t fair. Why was I so plain? I don’t do my make-up as elaborately as some girls in this school who just look fake; and I would never die my hair an unnatural color; maybe I should start since I don’t get the same response from guys as other girls do. I shook off the feelings I had toward Erica and my appearance, and marched out the door leading to the gymnasium with dignity. I sat down in my assigned seat on the concrete to wait for Coach Rocky to take role. A few minutes later, Ryan emerged from the boy’s locker room, looking as good as ever in his sleeveless yellow shirt and black basketball shorts. Ryan spotted me and held up the OK? Symbol, probably making sure I was well enough not to throw up chunks across the court. I nodded and smiled warmly at him, as to convince him of the positive. He seemed satisfied enough; he walked over to his assigned spot across from the girls and plopped down. I sighed and shifted my attention to the coach who obnoxiously blew his whistle 3 times, when just once would have gotten the point across. Coach took role and split everyone into 4 volleyball teams. I didn’t recognize who was on my team, I just knew that I was up against Ryan and Erica, because apparently Coach Rocky decided to make my life suck even worse and put the two people that I wanted the farthest from each other on the same freaking team. Whew-hoo. It pissed me off when I saw Erica playfully pushing Ryan around the court. I was so furious I could have been blowing smoke out of my nostrils and not even noticed. Coach blew the whistle that signaled us to start playing. I was serving first; and it took all my power not to send the volleyball hurtling towards Erica’s flawless little face. I ignored my instincts and behaved by sending the volleyball over the net with reasonable speed and distance away from little Ms. Perfect. The game escalated from there, I have always been competitive, but this new flirtatiousness between Erica and Ryan sent my competitiveness up to new heights. It was now on like Donkey Kong. The game was close at the end, but my team or mostly I brought the game to a winning 26 to 21. When it was time to go in Ryan ran up to me and playfully bumped his hip against mine. “So Melanie Carson, How does it feel to be a cheater?” he said, poorly imitating a news reporter. I laughed despite my crappy mood. “How does it feel to be a sore loser?” I mocked in the same tone. He smiled at me breathtakingly and departed to go to his part of the locker rooms. However, before he reached the safety of the locker rooms. The devil herself bounced up to him and began to talk, twirling her blonde curls around her fingers. Oh how I wished I had a pair of scissors in my hands, then she wouldn’t look so cute up there next to Ryan. They were just out of reach that I couldn’t fully understand their conversation. Jealousy took over, and I slowly shuffled over to the water fountain that was a few yards away from them. Pretending to drink, I listened.
“So you’re coming right?” the devil said. “Definitely.” Ryan replied. The nausea from this morning came back with a vengeance. I walked away fast. But not fast enough to not hear what she said next. “Yeah, and it’s kind of a closed invitation.” I didn’t have to see her to know that she was staring at me. I burst through the gym door with a cold sweat, thank God we were in gym so that wasn’t out of the ordinary, but puking all over the floor might not be considered as normal. I didn’t bother to change since it was last period; I just grabbed my stuff and headed out of the door as fast as possible. Girls murmured annoyed comments as I pushed past where they were standing. The bell didn’t ring yet, but that really wasn’t a concern at the moment. I pushed my legs to the maximum, trying to get away from this stupid school as fast as possible. I was halfway to the parking lot when I stopped mid-stride. Crap, I rode with Ryan to school, what the heck am I thinking? He is going to know something is up with me if I randomly choose not to ride home with him in his car. I slowly walked back to the entrance, defeated. There was no way I could get out of this. I would just have to tough it out and ride with Ryan. I paused, and instead of heading back inside, I sat on the wall of the outside building. I am totally and indescribably disgusted with myself. What am I thinking? This is Ryan; the guy who knows everything about me, the good and the bad, and yet still chooses to be friends with me. Merely friends. That is the problem in this whole scenario. Can I really stand by and watch Ryan be sucked out of my life by a naïve little girl who probably has as much depth to her as a kitty pool? Whatever the outcome of this situation, I will stand by him. How could I not after all he has done for me in my life? He is the person I call when my parents aren’t at home and I started my period. He is the shoulder I choose to cry on when it seems as if the whole world is on top of me. I could never see my life without him in it. This is no petty teenage crush; it’s a relationship that has grown with time and troubles. He was with me when I went through a time of depression; when life didn’t seem like it was worth living, a time when I would get up in the morning and wish that I never had awoken; and I was with him the year his Sister passed away when she was just a baby. I saw him fall apart in front of my very eyes. We have not only grown as people together but we have experienced the love of God, and both pursue it daily. I guess one could say he is the peanut butter to my jelly. That sounded ridiculous just thinking it. I sat still for a few more minutes, pondering my options. I ran my fingers through my hair, performing this action always seemed to calm me. I exhaled loudly and got up. The bell rang, so I decided to wait until Ryan would come out the door that was next to the girl’s exit.

I waited on the wall as clusters of students exited the building excitedly. The teenagers were all hyped up for the weekend. They had parties to attend, and teacher’s houses to T.P. I sighed, for I knew my agenda now consisted of sitting at home watching soaps with my mom, as we both stuff ourselves with chocolate and peanut butter. At this moment the only things that can fill the cracks in my heart, are Jesus…and food. A gust of wind blew my hair away from my face, at the same time, Ryan came out. His cheeks were still flushed from our volleyball game, where he did most of the work, while helpless Erica stared and cheered. “There you are.” Ryan said, relief flooding his features. “How come you’re waiting out here?” I stood up from the wall that I was leaning on. “I was just enjoying the air. I want to take advantage of this weather while we still have it.” He smiled at me and I almost cried. It wasn’t fair; no one else should be able to enjoy that smile. I wanted it to belong to only me. “Let’s go Mel.” He grabbed my duffle bag from me, staying forever chivalrous. I released it willingly and trailed behind him as we headed toward ‘Big Bertha’, his jeep.


We rode in the comfortable silence that comes with the archaic friendship we share. I thought about a lot of things in the short time it took to get from the school to my house. I reminisced about the play dates we had as children, and the sleepovers. I remembered the time when Mia passed away, his little sister; and he stormed out of the house shortly after her passing, I silently removed myself from the scene of his family huddled on the floor sobbing. I didn’t feel right in the picture. The only reason I had been there was because Ryan said he needed me to stand by him. But even with his consent I felt as if I was intruding on a private family moment. I walked into the living room the cries of Sarah, Ryan’s mom, dimming slightly. I took in my very familiar surroundings. Mia had died of a lung infection, Sarah and Michael hadn’t noticed the symptoms soon enough for effective treatment. I stared at the picture taken at the hospital, when Mia was born. Sarah cuddled her professionally in her arms, only the way a mother could. Michael ducked next to Sarah, his hand on her shoulder. And in the seat on Sarah’s right was Ryan, smiling proudly. It didn’t take a genius to know that Ryan was excited to be a big brother. Just looking at his eyes showed that he was ready to be the brother Mia depended on. He would do anything; say anything, if it meant it would make her happy. That didn’t matter anymore because he would never see her grow up into the women she was meant to be. A tear streamed down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away. I couldn’t be weak now. Ryan needed me to be strong enough for the both of us. I walked out the front door, knowing exactly where I was going. I got in my mother’s car which I used to drive over there as soon as I got the call from Ryan. I drove down the streets that had seemed to change drastically since we were kids. The gravel was no longer dark and smooth, the sun had bleached the color, and rain eroded the sides, till they were cracked to bits. I arrived at the opening of Sykes Creek Park. I parked on the curb and got out. I sighed, releasing all tension that the grieving process over Mia, had brought on. I took my time walking the long narrow path that led to our secret spot. Well, a pavilion overlooking a pond wasn’t that secret, but it was a place we always escaped to when we felt troubled. Within a minute I reached the long boardwalk which led to the pavilion. I could see Ryan’s silhouette crumpled on the floor, his shoulders shaking with sobs. Something broke in me then, my legs shook as I slowly approached him. I sat on the floor next to him, as close as possible. His sobs continued for a moment in short heaves. I stared at the water in front of me, giving him as much time as he needed. He looked up at me after his cries subsided. “I’m sorry Mel.” He whispered. Another tear escaped me. “No.” I whispered back. “You shouldn’t have to see me like this. I’m the guy I’m supposed to be strong. I have to be, for my parents.” Sobs threatened to erupt again from him. I took his face in my hands and made him look into my eyes. “Ryan, you don’t have to be anything for anyone.” Tears spilled out of his eyes and onto my hands. “This time.” I whispered again, remembering the horrible depression I went through a few years ago. “Let me be strong for you.” The cries he was trying to hold back came forth then, breaking through his resolve. I crushed him against my body, my hand on the back of his neck. We sat there in that position for a long time. Only until the sun started to rise did we break our hold on each other and return back to his house.
Before I knew it we arrived at my house. I waited for him to say ‘I’ll see you tonight’ or ‘what kind of snacks should I bring.’ But no, all he said was “see you later”, as in ‘I’ll see you at school tomorrow, because I’m going to go hang out with the devil at the coolest party of the century, and she is going to eat my soul.’ Dramatic much? I think not. “Ciao.” I said, a tad bit bent out of shape. I grabbed my duffel and my school bag and went inside. The comfort of entering ones home is an indescribable feeling, especially when it smells like cookies. I dropped my bags at my feet, while also kicking off my shoes. I walked into the kitchen, my mouth watering. My mother stood at the counter, scooping dough onto a cookie sheet. She never looked so beautiful, then when she was here in this kitchen. Her black curly hair was pulled back into a messy bun, and flour was wiped in random splotches on her face. Her sea green eyes looked up from her work, to me. “Hey honey, how was-“I interrupted her before she could finish. “Please. If you value my sanity, do not ask me how school was today, because honestly I think I might just explode.” She bit her lip, trying to hold back laughter. “Tough day?” she asked, still smiling. “That’s a bit of an understatement.” I sighed, sitting down at the breakfast island that we never seemed to eat at. She walked around the marble counter that stood in the middle of the kitchen, with a plate of wonderful in her hands. “Here” she said placing the platter in front of me. “This will make it better.” I immediately picked up a cookie and sunk my teeth into it. I groaned, there was nothing like my mom’s cookies. I looked down at the little circle of calories, avoiding my mom’s gaze. I knew she wanted to know what was wrong, but she was not the kind to pry. After successfully counting all the chocolate chips at the surface, I gave up. “I have a thing for Ryan.” I said, looking up at the ceiling. I didn’t want to look into her eyes. After a moment I decided to sneak a peek at her. Her face didn’t show any surprise, she actually looked expectant. “Well it’s about time!” she said throwing her hands up in the air. “What?” I said utterly confused. I could feel the creases in my forehead form. “Melanie, I have been waiting for the longest time for you two to finally realize your chemistry.” I raised an eyebrow she had no idea that in fact the feeling was not mutual between us. Apparently Ryan had a thing for female dogs. “Yeah, well why don’t you tell him that.” Now she was confused. “What do you mean?” I slapped my head against the marble. “Because he is ditching me to go kick it with Cruella Da vil.” I muffled through the table. “With who?” I exhaled loudly. “Some chick from school.” I explained. I peeked up at her, she pursed her lips together. “That’s never good.” She said shaking her head. “Gee thanks for the pep talk mom.” I said, putting my head back down on the counter. I winced when the bobby pins that were holding my braided crown tightly against my head, dug into my scalp. Irritated I yanked out the stupid pins and fingered through my hair until it was cascading down my back like a wavy waterfall. “Are you up for a movie night?” I shot up real fast my eyes wide with relief. “I thought you would never ask.” She smiled pleased that I was so eager to spend time with her in front of the T.V with a plate of cookies. I got up and hugged her warmly, my head on her chest. “Thanks mom.” I said appreciative that someone still remained faithful in spending time with me. She put her lips on my head and said something I couldn’t make out because I was muffled against her boobs. I pulled away. “Now, why don’t you go get into your pajamas and ill pick out something for us to watch.” I obeyed and hurried up the stairs. I put my sweats and old camp T-shirt from last year on in a rush, anything to keep my mind busy and the offense I had toward Ryan away. I galloped down the stairs, and jumped over the back of the couch onto my mother who was also in her pajamas and had the movie in ready to play. The way she seemed to do things quick and efficiently, without breaking a sweat will never make sense to me. She screeched when I jumped on her, but when I got settled with my head huddled on her shoulder, she laughed and kissed my forehead. “So what are we watching.” As if on cue with my question the opening credits showed the title. ‘He’s just not that into you.’ I smiled a little when the title came up. It fit the occasion perfectly; because honestly Ryan’s just not that into me. And seeing the men and women in this movie acting totally and completely desperate, made me feel better about myself and my little dilemma, well dilemma.

Soon enough the movie was over and my mother had a meeting to go to, as well as my father. Mason had a sleepover to attend after he went trick or treating tonight. So I was left alone at home with nothing but cookies and a blanket. That was quite enough for me. I had taken a bite out of my third cookie when the first group of kids rung the doorbell. I smiled and handed snickers to a ballerina, Frankenstein and Dracula. I closed the door and sunk back to the spot that had captured me before I was so devastatingly interrupted. I browsed on Netflix to find another movie that would make me feel better about myself. I paused when I saw the movie ‘saw’ staring me in the face. My brow crumpled together in stubbornness. With or without Ryan I was going to watch this. I hit the play button with determination and sat back. It wasn’t until the opening scene where some kid had almost drowned in a tub that I began to regret my decision. I pushed past that feeling however and continued to watch. I was interrupted with another group of kids. I quickly distributed their goods and returned to the movie. Within a few moments another knock at the door sounded. I grunted in irritation, and contemplated just turning off my house lights and ignoring the stupid trick or treaters, so I could pig out on the left over snickers. I sighed as I headed over to the door with the big yellow Halloween bowl. Five big bangs sounded outside the door, stopping me in my tracks. My heart thudded in my chest, and adrenaline made everything so clear. Consecutive bangs sounded again, my instincts took over, as well as fear. There was no way this was a group of kids. I headed toward the kitchen and pulled out the big butcher knife that was always kept out of reach of mason, for it was very sharp. I don’t know what has gotten into me, it was probably the movie that was making me all jittery like this. I put the bowl on the table and slowly walked over to the door. I stood on the tops of my toes so I could reach the peep hole that was made way to tall for the door. It was too dark to see who it was. One would think the porch lights would illuminate the long walkway that lead to our front door, but the bulbs were too weak to reach that far. I sucked in a ragged breath, scared of what or who I was about to open the door to. I unlocked the top lock and hurriedly did the second one; I swung the door wide open, while still maintaining my grip on the knife. The sight I saw was definitely not what I was prepared for. Ryan stood in the darkness. I could barely see the outline of white vampire teeth in his mouth. “Hey Mel!” he said sounding like Count Dracula from Sesame Street. I screamed and dropped the knife to the ground. His eyes followed it to the floor. “What the-?” I interrupted him with a punch to the shoulder. “OW!” he said rubbing his arm. “What was that for?!” I lifted my hand to hit him again, but he flinched back. “Don’t you ever do that again!” I said, my heart still beating fast. He looked confused. “Do what? Was it the teeth?” he said taking them out of his mouth. “I’m sorry, but your neighbors were handing them out to everybody, I couldn’t resist.” Despite my anger at him for scaring me I smiled a little. Then confusion crossed my face. He was not supposed to be here. He was going to Erica’s party that he said “Definitely” to. I spoke without thinking. “Why are you here?” I said it a little too harshly, I couldn’t see his face in the dark but something about his voice confirmed he was confused. “What-What are you talking about? Now I was confused. Am I mistaken or did he outright confirm to Erica that he would be attending? I think the word is RSVP. Melanie, come on I can’t see you, can we please go inside?” I sighed and stepped to the side so he could enter. Before he entered through the doorway he bent over and picked up the butcher knife, giving me a cautious look. We stepped inside and he went to the kitchen to put the knife back in its proper location. He has been here so much he knows where everything goes. I hated that but loved it all the same. He came back into the living room where I was standing. “OK. What is going on?” he came up to me, not afraid of scaring me with his closeness. I took half a step back, he intimidated me when he was all serious like this, and wanted to get an answer. “I don’t know…” I said trailing off. “Mel. Don’t lie to me.” He made direct eye contact, bending his head to match mine. My lip quivered, I wanted to cry all over again. I felt like I was back in Gym class. Tears threatened to pour but I held them back with all my might. “You’re going to think I’m stupid!” I said turning my face away from him, anything to escape his dreadful gaze. He shook his head and smiled slightly. “Too late.” He replied simply. I gasped a laugh; it sounded more like a sob than anything else. “Tell me…please” he urged, brushing the hair that hid my face from him. Ryan had a gift to slowly break down my resolve. I looked up at him, the tears that threatened me before, returning to the surface. One escaped and left a wet trail down me cheek. This irritated me; normally I am not a crier. Crying is for the weak; but it seems right now, with Ryan out of my grasp, I am weak. “Aren’t you supposed to be at Erica’s?” I whispered, defeated. The look of confusion never left his face, but now it grew. “Why on earth would I be at Erica’s?” I suddenly wanted to punch him in the arm again, why would he deny it. I heard him with my own ears say that he was going. “I am not an idiot Ryan!” he stepped back throwing his hands up in the air with frustration. “What the heck are you talking about?” I rubbed my lips together back and forth, trying to control my temper. I clenched my fists at my side, and sucked in a big gulp of air. “I heard you today in gym tell Erica Donahugh that you would ‘definitely' be at her party tonight. “ recognition flashed on his face but instead of looking bashful like I expected. He laughed so hard that his shoulders jerked up and down as he chuckled. My throat tightened with anger. “What in the world is so funny?” I spat through my teeth. He suppressed his laughter but amusement was clouded in his deep blue eyes. I walked away from him and threw myself on the couch, arms and legs crossed in irritation. I didn’t look over when he sat next to me. He gently tugged my harms free of their chokehold on each other and turned my head to face him. “Now, what has caused you to be so upset that you felt the urge to try and stab me at the doorstep?” I shut my eyes for a long time. “I’m upset because you are laughing not to mention lying to me.” He smiled, “Mel. Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not laughing at you, this whole situation is just so stupid it made me laugh. I’m sorry if I came off the wrong way. And as for the lying part, well I have never once lied to you…however I can’t say the same thing for Erica. She wouldn’t leave me alone all day after she asked me about her stupid party. The first time I was like ‘oh ill see if I can make it’ just to spare her feelings. I should not have ever said that because after every class she would find me and ask me if I could go. I got so sick of it that I just told her yes in gym to shut her up.” My mouth dropped to the floor. Guilt rested on me then, I had snapped at him and in the end it was me being the idiot, nothing out of the ordinary. I pulled myself free from him and rested my head in my palms. “I screw everything up.” I muttered into my hands. “No you don’t.” He said generously. ”You just misinterpret everything.” I laughed then, releasing all the vented up anger I held. I looked into his eyes willingly this time. “I am so sorry Ry. I should not have jumped to conclusions like that.” He nodded his head in response. We sat in silence for a few moments; Ryan grabbed my hand and brushed across it with his fingertips. First starting at the tips of my fingers and slowly working his way down the back of my hand, to my wrists. After he was satisfied with his work, he moved his hand up my arm and back down again. I didn’t know how to react, he never touched me like this. Platonic friends did not do this to each other. His fingers left a trail of electricity on my skin. My breathing picked up. “So…” he said still concentrating on his absentminded sketches on my skin. “Yeah? “I said unsure of what was happening. “Why is it that you were upset at the thought that I was at Erica’s?” my heart beat, too fast to be considered healthy. “Um…I don’t know.” Wow way to be creative Mel. I told myself. Ryan finally took his eyes off of his fingers on my arm and glanced at me through his thick lashes. “What did I say about lying Mel?” I sighed. I couldn’t take this much longer. “I don’t like the idea of you being with her.” I said not looking into his eyes anymore. “And why is that?” he said going back to his drawings. “Because…she’s nasty.” He looked at me again, this time with his eyebrows raised. “Is this really about her?” he said. I bit my lip; he caught me, as always. “No.” I admitted; he could see right through me. “Mhm. That’s what I thought. “My eyelids drooped; what he was doing to my skin felt absolutely amazing. He sighed and removed his hand from me. “Melanie, am I going to have to drag this out of you?” I knew exactly what he was talking about. He knew how I felt about him, my cover was blown. This time I picked up his hand and ran my fingers up and down his arm like he did to me. I can’t imagine the action felt as good as it did coming from him. He shut his eyes and leaned his head against the back of the couch. I took this opportunity to say it. I sucked in a ragged breath and spit it out. “I’m upset because I don’t want Erica to sink her teeth into you. Not just her, but any girl. I feel enraged when someone else merely looks at you in a lustful way; I don’t want anyone to take you away from me. Because…” I lowered my voice to a murmur. “I can’t picture my life without you in it.” His eyes opened, and he was smiling. He sat up and angled his body towards me. He reached for my face and cradled my head in his hands. “Melanie, I can’t believe you couldn’t see that in all the time we have been friends, I have only belonged to you.” He laughed and shook his head. “I mean it’s not like a guy my age can resist having a girlfriend in high school, but all those other girls like Erica have never held any interest over me. I have only thought about you, I believe God put you in my life for a reason. I don’t want to go through life without having you by my side. I have fallen in love with you when we were just friends, but I never thought you realized it.” A tear escaped from me, it was such a wonderful feeling to hear those words come out of his mouth. I had been thinking them for too long, and hearing Ryan say them out loud had made everything we have been through together worthwhile. “Why did you never make a move?” I said my voice cracking with emotion. I thought I saw him glance down at my lips and back at my eyes. “I’m making one right now.” He said leaning in closer. He brought his face close enough to where his lips barely brushed against mine. We lingered there for a second then slowly moved in until we were kissing. It wasn’t one of those steamy kisses you hear about and see on T.V. It was slow and gentle and it only lasted for a moment, but to me it was the best moment of my life. The world around me became very dim; all my senses were concentrated on Ryan; the smell of his aftershave, the warmth of his body, and the softness of his lips. He removed his lips from mine and after a second kissed them again. My face was hot and when he pulled further away from me. I licked my lips, dwelling on the taste of him. “I have wanted to do that for the longest time.” He said smiling. “Me too.” I replied a little out of breath. We started the night just as we had planned. I lay my head on his lap, while he played with my hair; we watched a whole marathon on saw, but I wasn’t scared because I had Ryan, and the thought was comforting to know that he would always be mine.