Killer | Teen Ink

Killer

December 6, 2011
By Tbug1997 PLATINUM, Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania
More by this author
Tbug1997 PLATINUM, Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania
29 articles 1 photo 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
When in doubt... Blame it on your siblings <br /> when life gives you skittles throw them at random people and yell FEEL THE RAINBOW


“Annabelle” I hear Carolina yell. I whip my head around my hair slices the curtains “darn it” I whisper “Annabelle get down here someone is here to see you”. I quickly slip on a blue top and some jeans and run downstairs to see Daniel standing in the living room. “Annabelle” Daniel smiles “hey Daniel” I run over and hug him taking in his smell so sweet and light “I haven’t seen you in a while” Daniel says “it's only been three days” I say “three days to many” he laughs “come on we can talk up stairs” I say dragging him up the steps. We get to my room I stare at my room for a while its blue walls, white trim, tan carpet, glass ceiling, four windows, and queen sized bed. Daniel and I sit on the bed and stare out the window the day was beautiful the sky cloudless, sun covering everything in its warmth, the green trees and grass slightly sway in the breeze, and the creek’s cool water flowing over the smooth round stones so very peaceful “it's so beautiful out just like you” Daniel smiles. I love his smile when he smiles I feel warm inside “Daniel” “yes Annabelle” “can I ask you something” “Anything” “Daniel do you mind if I could stay with you for a while” “Sure! Stay as long as you want I love having you over” he face lights up “thanks Daniel” I smile at him. “When do you wanna move in” he asked “well I was hoping tonight if it’s ok with you” “sure I will help you pack” he smiles. Daniel grabs my baggage from the closet I grab some clothes and drop them in the bag. “Annabelle” “yes Daniel” “can I tell you something” “sure Daniel anything” “well I…” he trailed off when Carolina walked in the room. “Hi guys” she says “Hey Carolina” Daniel says “Carolina I need to talk to” I say pulling her out of the room “what do you need” she asked “I’m going to move in with Daniel for a while” I say “WHAT! Why” she yells “I want to spend more time with him and I don’t want you in danger because of my job as you know Daniel helps me in my job” I say flatly “Annabelle you and Daniel aren’t…” she trailed off “NO! Of course not Carolina” “ok I’m just checking but I don’t think you should move in with him” “well it’s too late I made up my mind I’m moving in with him Carolina it’s so you can stay out of danger” I say she sighs “fine”

I walk back in my room and Daniel is sitting on the bed staring out the window “Daniel” “yes” he turns around and at that moment the sun shines around him creating a golden outline of his body and his eyes glowed in the light I wanted to fall in his arms and stay there forever. “I’m ready if you are” I sigh “yep” he answers. He picks up my stuff and carries it to his car. I climb in the passenger seat and buckle up Daniel starts the car and we drive away. “I hope Carolina is going to be ok” I say “Annabelle she’s 18 years old she can take care of herself I don’t think she will have any trouble taking care of herself” he say with a smirk. “Yeah Carolina will be fine” I relax and enjoy the rest of the ride to Daniel’s house mostly I look at Daniel and look at how happy he looks. The car comes to a stop and Daniel gets out and grabs my bags from the trunk. We walk into the house “well here we are” he says I look around his house it’s a fairly good size and very warm and comfy. “You can sleep in my room until I can finish the spare room” he smiles “ok” I said a little shaky. His room I think am I actually going to be sharing a bed with Daniel. “well you can unpack in my room I will help you” he says cheerfully “ok” I say “are you ok you seem a little shaky” Daniel ask “yeah I’m fine” “I know what is you are afraid of sharing a room aren’t you” he ask I shake my head “don’t worry Annabelle I don’t bite” he laughs. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my forehead then I hear a voice from the hall way and out comes Daniel’s little brother Aaron. Aaron had light brown hair, blue eyes, and chubby cheeks, short. “ANNA” he yelled and came up and hugged me “hi Aaron” I said. I love how Aaron calls me Anna its funny. “Daniel is Anna gonna live with us” Aaron whispered in Daniels ear “yeah isn’t that great” Daniel smiled at me. “Well I better get you unpacked” Daniel says dragging my bags back to his room. We walk into his room and it was cream colored walls, white trim, two windows, light tan carpet, some lit candles, and huge TV I always loved Daniels house. Daniel unpacks my bags and makes the bed. I look at his king sized bed and the light blue covers. “Ok your all unpack” “awesome” “want to help me cook dinner” “sure” we walk out to the kitchen “well want do you want for dinner Annabelle?” “Ummmm how about we make pizza” I answer “ok let’s get cooking” he says grabbing all the stuff from the fridge. He looks so happy when he cooks. “Aaron do you wanna help us” I ask “sure” he says “Daniel what could Aaron do” “well he could help make the dough or the sauce Aaron you can pick” “I wanna help Anna” he says “then your both on dough” “ok” I say and got to work. I have Aaron help me mix the dough. I find myself smiling and staring over at Daniel. I quickly look away looked at what I’m doing and I feel a tug on my shirt “Anna do you love Daniel” Aaron whispers in my ear. “Maybe” I smile Aaron giggles maybe I shouldn’t be tell this to an 8 year old. “Daniel the dough is finished” I said “ok the sauce is almost done” he say. He walks over to me and kisses my cheek. I lean my head on his shoulder “Daniel loves Anna” Aaron yells Daniel gives Aaron a mad glance and I laugh. “Aaron be quiet” Daniel snaps “oh calm down” I say as I give Daniel a hug. We prepared the pizza then put it in the oven. Then we head outside for a while and just talk while Aaron is in playing with his toys. “Annabelle I love having you here” he looks over at me “thanks Daniel I love being with you” I smile. Daniel walks up to me and puts his arms around me and kisses me his lips were warm sweet and soft when he stopped my lips tingled and his kiss lingered “Annabelle I love you” he said “I love you too Daniel” I smiled at him and he kissed me again his body pressed against mine I wanted to melt into him. Then Aaron walks out and says the pizza is ready we walk in together and sit down and eat.

After dinner we all got showers and got ready for bed. “Anna are you going be Daniels girlfriend” Aaron asked I didn’t really know how to answer him “I don’t know that would be up to Daniel” I say “well I think you should be because Daniel really likes you” he says “Well maybe but Aaron you better go to bed or Daniel will be mad” I whisper “fine” and he marches back to his room. I sit outside for a while getting fresh air looking up at the sky Daniel comes out and sits on the grass next to me and puts his arm around me and for god knows how long we sat there just looking at the sky and each other. Finally he broke the long moment of silences “We better go to bed Annabelle it’s pretty late” he says “ok” I say and he helps me up and we walk back to his room and get in bed I curl up to him feeling his warmth of his body and I fall asleep curled up to him and through the night I don’t want to move from him. Even in his sleep he’s cute. I woke up the next morning next to Daniel’s smiling face. “Morning Annabelle” “morning Daniel” I smile at him. “Well I better make breakfast” Daniel says as he gets out of bed. I stand up and reach for clothes and hold them in my hand “Annabelle do you want me to leave so you can get dressed?” “No its ok” I turn around and face the wall and start to change. Once I’m finished I turn back around to find Daniel sitting on the bed waiting for me. I walk into Aaron’s room to wake him up “Aaron wake up breakfast time” “Anna your still here” he says cheerfully “yep I might be here for a while” Aaron smiles at me. I walk out with him and Daniel is already almost done with breakfast. The smell of pancakes and eggs filled the air “mmmm smells good” I say Daniel turns around “well it’s almost done” when the food was done we all ate at the table. After breakfast Aaron got ready for school and Daniel and I got ready for work but before Aaron walks out the door “Where do you two work” he asked me. I look over at Daniel I didn’t know how to answer that “I will tell you when you’re older ok” Daniel said “ok” Aaron sighed and walked out the door. “That was close” I said. “I hoped we never have to tell Aaron about our job it’s too violent for him to know about” I said “well maybe he will forget” Daniel sighed. We walked out the door.


We are running through the woods trying to find the person who had escaped before I could kill him. Daniel ran ahead of me to try and catch up with him I take a short cut and ran in front of the guy. He ran into me and fell on his back Daniel caught up and took a hold on the guy “please don’t kill me” the man yelled. I saw the tears well up in the man’s eyes I looked at Daniel. “What makes you think you don’t deserve to die I’ve been offered a pretty nice amount of money from the guy who wants you dead” I said with ice in my tone. “I’ve been nothing but a good man I have done everything right in life” he pleaded. I look at Daniel and he nods his head I whip my hair across his cheek leaving a cut. Daniel lets him go and he drops to the ground thanking us for letting him live but I don’t say anything. Daniel and I turned and walked away “Annabelle that was very kind of you to let that guy live but why did you let him go?” Daniel asked “I don’t know why I just… I don’t know” I said he smiled at me and we continued to walk. By the time we got back to town it was time for me to pick up Aaron. I got to Aaron’s school and I pick him up from the playground “Anna are you gonna tell me what you and Daniel do for work?” he ask “maybe when your older and can understand better” I said frowning. When we finally get home Daniel is watching TV. As soon as Daniel noticed we’re home he came and kisses me and told Aaron to go do his homework. After dinner Aaron went to bed and Daniel and I hang out watching TV when the phone rings “Hello?” I said “Annabelle its Caroline I just wanted to ask how your doing” she says “oh Hi Caroline I’m fine how about you” “Oh I’m fine it’s a little lonely over here without you” “well maybe tomorrow after Aaron goes to school I can stop over” “ok good I miss you like crazy and I want to know if anything has happened between you and Daniel I mean since your living together and all I mean he at least had to of kissed you already” Caroline said I blushed when she mentioned Daniel and kissing in the same sentence it was very unnatural to me even though he kisses me every night. “Uhhhhh ok well I guess I will see you tomorrow” I said “ok bye Annabelle” “bye Caroline” I said then hung up and sat down on the couch “so what did Caroline want?” Daniel asked “she wanted me to come over so we can have some girl time because she misses me and I miss her too” I answered. “Cool good because my older brother might be coming tomorrow and I highly doubt you wanna meet him he’s a jerk but he wanted to see Aaron” Daniel said “ok then” I said I headed back to bed and fell asleep after a couple of minutes Daniel followed me back and I ended up curling into him like I do every night since I’ve been here Daniel has been meaning to clean up the spare room but we don’t have time and to be honest I like it in here with Daniel I feel safe I could of stayed like that forever. I woke up after a horrible night of nightmares and almost crying but I didn’t because I didn’t want to wake Daniel I keep having this repeated dream that I was paid so that I have to kill Daniel and if I don’t then I have to kill Caroline it’s horrible. “Annabelle you ok I know you haven’t been sleeping well I can tell when your awake you sounded like you were crying” Daniel looked at me concerned “I’m fine and I’ve been sleeping fine and I don’t cry” I protested crying showed weakness and I was not about to be called weak “Annabelle you know you can tell me everything” Daniel said putting an around me “I keep having this repeated dream that I was paid so that I have to kill you and if I don’t then I have to kill Caroline it’s horrible.” Tears fall down my cheeks and Daniel wipes away my tears



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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 4 comments.


on Dec. 14 2011 at 6:23 pm
Tbug1997 PLATINUM, Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania
29 articles 1 photo 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
When in doubt... Blame it on your siblings <br /> when life gives you skittles throw them at random people and yell FEEL THE RAINBOW

Kinley451 thanks for commenting on my story so nicely and its ok i did ask CarrieAnn13 for critism it helps me become a better writer

on Dec. 13 2011 at 6:05 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

Kinley451, since you're new here I'm going to forgive you for not knowing exactly how 'feedback for feedback' works.  Tbug asked me to look at her novel and criticize only her style, seeing as I had criticized her grammar before.  So I did.  And you might notice that at the end of all my criticism, I said that her novel certainly has potential, but there are a few things that need to be worked on.  Tbug has critized my work as well.  There's nothing wrong with asking for criticism.

on Dec. 13 2011 at 4:55 pm
Kinley451 SILVER, Birmingham, Alabama
6 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
There is so much to think about and nothing to worry about!

First i think its cool and interesting!

Second i think CarrieAnn13 you should keep all of your criticism to yourself!!

 


on Dec. 10 2011 at 7:38 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

Okay, I have a bit of criticism.  You know my feelings about your grammar, so I'll just criticize your style.

1.  Work on your dialogue a bit.  It's better than some of the stuff on here, but I think it could be even better if you read it aloud to yourself and correct accordingly.

2.  Dialogue usually goes on a separate line, especially when there's a new speaker.

3.  A little more description would be nice.  I really want to know more about what's going on!

4.  You might want to explain more about your characters.  They kind of seem random people, which makes the reader ask, 'Why should I care about these people?'  I think a little more description would help this.

Your writing has a lot of potential, so keep working at it!