Manifesto for Teens with Anxiety

Suggestion 1

In the process of feeling anxious, it can be hard to stop and unpack why you are feeling that way. I’ve seen endless quotes stating “feel to heal”. Which is great advice, but sometimes can be hard to apply in the moment. It can especially be hard to challenge anxiety when it feels like ‘one step forward, three steps back’. Once you are feeling good and addressing how you feel head on, then a bad day comes and it can feel discouraging. Instead of giving into the idea that healing is linear, remember progress over perfection. My mom tells me that when I’ve had a rough day. I also think it can be so easy to avoid feelings. Like if you aren’t processing it because you are distracting yourself, it can go away for a period of time. In the long run that only makes the problem worse and linger longer. 

Understanding feelings can be uncomfortable, but my therapist once told me, “embrace the discomfort”. Too often as an anxious person I wonder when it will end or when I will feel calm and normal instead of my mind racing all the time. I look forward to the future more than the moment I am in now which leads to suppressing emotions even more. Embracing discomfort sounds like such common sense, but for a person who is in a constant state of worry, it can feel uncomfortable all the time. Being uncomfortable is part of the process of feeling what you are feeling. It’s not like doing this will make feelings instantly go away. There will always be good days and bad days. Take small steps of bravery like trying something new, reaching out to a friend (because that can seem super overwhelming sometimes), or challenging the voice inside your head. Think about “is my anxiety making me worried about something I can control?” Usually the answer is no, and whatever it is is not even worth worrying about. Easier said than done, but it can still be helpful. 

Mental ‘illness’ or rather mental health looks different on everyone. I don’t like the word illness because it makes a person sound weak. I think it’s pretty brave to battle with any of the mental health disorders. Anyways, like I said, anxiety is not a one size fits all, so everyone will cope in a different way, but there are healthy and unhealthy ways to cope. Some unhealthy habits I fell into were internalizing how I was feeling and escaping reality through a screen. I can’t say I never use those negative coping mechanisms every once in a while, but I have found healthier ones that have given better results and made me feel better. Some healthier coping mechanisms I have found to be helpful are journaling, exercising and learning from other people that have anxiety too. It’s my goal to get better at all of those. While we all cope differently, we also have different ideas of what anxiety feels like. It's important to learn what anxiety feels like for you. If you can notice where you feel it or what triggers it, that can help in understanding feelings as well.

Suggestion 2

You know how people will say “communication is key”? Usually people will say that about a relationship, and I think that goes with mental health as well. It’s not possible for someone to read your mind and know how you are feeling. While communication can be difficult when you are struggling because maybe you don’t even know how to explain your feelings to yourself, it is essential. Never internalize problems out of fear that you could potentially ‘burden’ someone or be ‘misunderstood’. It’s a common lie that our mind tells us. 

I also want to add that someone who looks fine on the outside could be panicking on the inside. You can be high functioning and confident but still struggle with anxiety and depression. Everyone is going through something you know nothing about. Additionally, explaining how you feel can be difficult, but I have found that it actually helps me to understand how I am feeling because it’s easier to explain to someone else than to myself. When I explain it to myself I just diminish the way I’m feeling. When you try to help yourself out of anxiety, usually the voice in your head making you anxious will make you feel bad for the way you feel like you are ‘dramatic’ and ‘overreacting’. Really you aren’t either of those things, it sometimes just takes another person to tell you that. If you can reach out to a parent/guardian, a friend, social worker, therapist or someone that is willing to listen and help you do it. Someone will listen.

Suggestion 3

Don’t give into the voice in your head saying if you are struggling you are ‘failing’. You are not a failure for feeling anxious or sad. It can feel like you're failing yourself, failing others, failing life. But having anxiety doesn’t make you any less capable even when it feels like you are completely incapable. Emmanuel Acho said, “if we believe we have failed for long enough, you will begin to think it is true”. Changing the way you talk to yourself by switching I’m ‘failing’ to I’m ‘strong’, I’m ‘brave’, I’m ‘growing’. That can make a huge difference. 

For a long time asking for help was a struggle because I wanted to keep this independent and confident exterior that masked my panicking interior. I didn’t want to admit I needed help, and didn’t want to be out of control with what I felt. Once you say it out loud it feels real and that can make you feel weak which can be scary. Just because you are saying how you feel out loud doesn’t mean that all your power and strength goes away. You get stronger by admitting that you need help, and ignoring voices in your head. 

I would also like to say that when getting help for mental health usually that implies getting a therapist and potentially going on medication. I think now more than ever the stigma around therapy and medication is a lot less judgemental after Covid, but still many people would classify the person as ‘crazy’, ‘overdramatic’, ‘confused’, ‘helpless’ ‘anti-social’, the list goes on. I even think our mind can classify the way we feel like that sometimes which is why it is important to find help beyond yourself. Those words are a lie we tell ourselves, and a lie people have been told in the past that continues the stigma because it makes people feel more comfortable to believe that. The world has glorified perfect lives and happiness and being okay all the time which is unhealthy. It really is okay to not be okay. 

When you go to get help, remember that your problems won’t go away immediately. I saw something that said “It’s not like when you take a car to a mechanic and it comes in broken and leaves fixed”. It takes a lot of work to be vulnerable and talk about feelings. Once you can be more open about it you’ll realize how many other people are like you. Before doing therapy I was so scared. I felt like a disappointment, out of control, and weak. Since then I have been more open about it and realized that people I am really close to struggle in a similar way to me. Did you know that according to the CDC, 1 in 5 Americans experience a mental health disorder in a given year? You are never alone. It will take a lot of courage to not give into that voice in your head, but remember that you are always in control and never a failure.

Suggestion 4

‘Guilt’. It is a feeling that plays out a lot in our lives, especially as an anxious person. I have commonly felt it as an anxious person who has an amazing life. When you have anxiety or depression with a good life it can feel like you are unworthy of feeling that way. I felt worried that if I talked to someone about the way I felt I would sound dramatic and ungrateful. I was scared of letting my parents down by telling them this amazing life they have given me was incredibly hard to get through each day. Although people may have it worse than you, that shouldn’t be an excuse for why you can’t be helped. Having a good life doesn't mean that you are not allowed to be anxious or depressed. A good life doesn’t make your feelings invalid. 

Guilt can also make us question our happiness. Like if you have a happy day then automatically our brain can think that we were being dramatic about having anxiety or depression because we are laughing and smiling. It’s not like everyday has to be bad to get help. Good days can help to see the light at the end of the tunnel when things get dark. Thinking that a person who has anxiety has to be anxious 24/7 is a toxic way of thinking because it can stop a person from getting help. Sure, there are days when anxiety won’t go away, but occasionally it can, which is good. Lean into that feeling and remember it when the anxiety is too consuming. Remember there are better days to come, and don’t let guilt stop you from being happy. 

Furthermore, guilt can make us not want to rest or take a break. I know for me if I am resting my anxiety tells me that I’m ‘lazy’ or have a million other things I need to get done so why am I resting. Truth is if we don’t stop and take a break to step back, our body will do it for us. Negative self-talk can be consuming, but if we tell ourselves it's okay to rest and it's okay to sit down, our mind will eventually believe it. I read a tweet that said, “I don't force my phone to hit zero before I plug it in, or else it takes ages for it to even turn back on, and ages longer to get it to a level where I'm comfortable taking it out of the house. Similarly, pushing yourself to use up the last of your energy is gonna slow you down for way longer than you need.” There is a lot expected of teenagers nowadays with school, grades, sports, friends, family, college, being successful. There isn’t a lot of time to sit down, be calm, rest, and breathe. Don’t worry about “do I deserve it?” No one has to deserve rest. I don’t advise being lazy, I think being hard working and hustling is important, but there are periods of time when life gets hard and all your energy will be going into just getting through the day. It’s okay to have those moments, but acknowledge it and work on it. There’s no need to explain why you need a break, no one needs to earn their rest, it's just a necessity.