How humorous for a song, a movie, or even a character to comprehend you in ways no one in your life can. They make you feel everything you’re suppressing and remind you of people you want to forget. They make you come out and confront it in a matter of three minutes, two hours, or even a couple of pages. It can be rather soothing, yet so painful.
I hear and I sing those songs that remind me of him and I hate it. When I hear that lullaby that holds me in ways that no one does it’s so reassuring yet so lonely. The way every word speaks to me as though it were my only friend. It makes me feel like I’m not the only one, but I feel so alone nonetheless.
I press play and watch my life on the screen. I look at them and realize there are people out there hurting like me. They encourage me to face my fears yet none of the solutions seem possible. Oh how I wish that right before the credits rolled in life would be better just like the characters who seem to have it all figured out by then. I watch these films to escape from reality yet they taunt me from the screen.
I turn the pages and read my biography. Why do people hurt us so? I weep for you, but secretly weep for myself. You speak your mind and it’s as though you’re mimicking my own feelings. Every word and every sentence holds more meaning than I can handle. Spewing your emotions as though it were the last time you could do so. I don’t want the pages to run out. What becomes of me when I read the final words? Who do I turn to when all’s been said and written?
Once the melody ends, once the credits roll on screen, and once I reach that final sentence, my friend is gone. The one who understands me remains in their state of darkness or gets a happy ending, but they’re gone. I’m left to sort through all the people and all the feelings that have been brought out. I’m left to reflect while I pity myself once again. I’m left to bawl in my bed reminiscing of all the things that lead to where I am because no one will ever be there for me.
When you’re waist-deep in the mud in the middle of a storm, no one will extend a hand. No one is going to understand what you’re feeling inside like that perfect harmony or that person on the other side of the screen or hidden within the pages. Learn from them because they are the only ones you have. Yet, they remind you of your pain and leave you to suffer.