Who am I? My name is Jeremy S. I could lie and say I know who I am, but that isn't the case. I'm only 19 years old, but I feel like, and I don't wanna sound cocky or arrogant here, but I feel like I'm a much wiser person for my age. I'm like an 80 year old in the brain, I guess you could say. No, but really. I feel like I'm a lot smarter and intelligent than I should be. I guess it's because of the fact that I come from a really shitty family. They've never really treated me or my sibling correctly, so I've been forced to grow up a lot more than I feel necessary. It isn't a bad thing, there's nothing wrong with growing up. I just wish that I could've had a better childhood. But, f*** it! You'll be a lot happier if you don't live in the past. I know from experience that that is EXTREMELY tough. Pretty much every second of EVERY day, I think about my past and how it could've been different. How I could've fixed others mistakes and my own. Cause, GOD KNOWS, I've made a terribly high amount of them.One of the biggest mistakes I've ever made was messing up my relationship with the greatest girl on earth. i cheated, I've put my hands on her.(I never wanted to, we just started getting violent with each other for about the last year we were together) I could've acted differently and saved our relationship, but I have an ENORMOUS problem of looking at women with lust in my eyes. I was with this girl for about five years, it was like we were married, most of that time i was in DCS custody running away from every place they put me because I hated, absolutely DESPISED, being separated from her. I ask myself every second of every day if what I felt for her was truly love, or just some stupid infatuation because she stayed. About two years into our relationship, I introduced her to my best friend Luke and for the longest time the three of us were inseparable.I wish I never introduced them, that was a huge mistake, because she ended up leaving me for him and all at once my whole world fell apart and I've been miserable ever since. i always thought that it was going to last forever and we were going to get married. I even have her name tattooed on my knuckles! Now, they're going to get married pretty soon and it makes me absolutely SICK TO MY STOMACH when I think about it. I lost the only girl in the world that understood me completely and I thought loved me and my best friend all at the same time. it just goes to show, you should NEVER treat a women with anything other than absolute RESPECT. I'm completely lost in life without her and I'm trying so hard to find myself again.(Not that I ever really had myself to begin with) I wish there was enough drugs and alcohol to make this pain and guilt vanish, but there isn't. Heartbreak is the WORST PAIN. Drugs aren't the answer. You're problem will just come back to punch you in the f*ing face when you come dawn and you'll be 100% worse off. I don't wish this pain on anyone. I'm truly sorry, ex-lover. You know who you are. I hope one day you'll see this and believe me.
I wouldn't wish this pain on ANYONE.
A lot of you will probably say I deserve it, but who are you to judge me for sinning differently than you?