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A Modest Proposal: A Completely Safe World
Guns are terrible devices that cause destruction to everyone they come into contact with, thus they need to be not only restricted but taken out of this country. From robberies, to school shootings, guns have been the mastermind of those evil deeds. These despicable devices have caused much grief to many people around the world.
In Chicago, “police Superintendent Garry F. McCarthy noted the confiscation of more than 1,300 illegal guns in the first three months of the year” (Chicago crime rate drops as concealed carry applications surge). But why stop there? To make this nation perfectly safe, we need to childproof the whole country so that no one gets hurt. If we adopt this system, other nations will start using it as well since the U.S. is the role model for other nations around the world. As the people of the United States, we must get rid of any danger that stands in our fellow citizen's way. We should not stop at banishing guns but also get rid of sharp objects such as knives. Knives can be used for very harmful deeds and is a potential hazard to everyone. For example, someone can cut their finger when they are chopping lettuce and injure themselves. There is no need for knives in our perfectly safe world. More reason for guns and knives to be banned is the fact that “more than 137,200 cases of aggravated assault involved firearms, while more than 126,800 involved knives, more than 222,100 involved ‘other’ weapons” (Guns and Crime: What The Statistics Really Say). There will also be no paper because people will get paper cuts, classrooms will only have whiteboards. No regular scissors either. If you are daring, then you can use kid scissors, but other than that, no other sharp object is allowed.. If we take away those horrible killing machines, then everything and everyone will be safe from harm. If the killer does not have a weapon, then they won’t kill, and they most definitely won’t find any other way to harm someone. Another way to keep everyone safe is by keeping children on a backpack leash no matter what the age.
Every family must have their child on a backpack leash at all times no matter what their age is. We need to take every precaution to make sure they are safe at all times. When the children are at school, the parents must give the teacher their students leash, and the teacher must have the leash in hand while teaching so that no one is close to danger. People who already use the backpack harness think that it is great. One mother said that her “daughter was walking freely, she felt like she had freedom, but [the mother] felt like she was safe” (Leashes for Kids: Is Putting Safety Harnesses on Children a Good Idea). The children feel free when being walked on a leash, and the parent feels as though their child is not in trouble. The legal age to being able to not have a leash is 18, because that is when the children mature into adults. Not only will this keep them from running away into this dangerous world, it will also let the parents always have an eye on their children so that no criminal can attack them. Not only should we have the backpack leash, but also have every person in a sumo suit so that they do not get hurt.
A sumo suit is essential to having a perfectly safe nation. The idea came from the activity of “wrestling in inflatable sumo bodysuits… fashioned after the ancient Japanese sport” (Lawsuit: Inflatable sumo wrestling led to brain injury). Now whenever, someone trips on the sidewalk they would not scrape their knee but bounce off. This will also prevent people getting damaged from another person. If someone was attacked, they would not get hurt because the sumo suit would protect them from any attack that is thrown their way. No criminal will be able to harm anyone since they will not think of a way to get past the sumo suit. They also will not have a knife or a gun since it would be against the law.
In reality, there is no such thing as a “completely safe world” and there are not ways to prevent danger. Getting rid of guns won’t guarantee safety in the world, or stop criminals from killing. Even if we ban things like guns, or knives, a person will find a way to harm someone else if they really wanted too. No amount of precaution can stop accidents or evil deeds from occurring, so making things like restricting many guns or even banning them is like making everyone wear a sumo wrestler blow up suit. It is over reacting and not effective in getting crime rates down or keeping the United States safe. Crime rates usually go down when guns are not heavily restricted, so instead of banning them, give the people more freedom and more knowledge on what guns should be used for.
Gun control is something that always makes me think "Why don't we just make sure how to use guns properly rather than completely take them away" and then I wrote this satirical essay to portray my sarcastic feelings about the subject.