You know her: the girl who reads, the girl that doesn’t care about her appearance, the girl who plays video games—the girl who’s not like other girls. The trope fills the media, from the girl depicted in Taylor Swift’s You Belong With Me who wears “T-Shirts” and “sneakers” rather than “short skirts” and “high heels,” to the Manic Pixie Dream Girls in John Green’s Looking for Alaska and Jerry Spinelli’s Stargirl. “I’m not like other girls” has become a common phrase that almost everybody has heard of and many women have tried to embody themselves. The phrase describes a girl who isn’t stereotypically feminine. They are “one of the guys,” juxtaposed to the stereotypically feminine girl who is considered to be dramatic, clingy, and obsessed with their appearance. While the shift from female characters playing submissive, one-dimensional roles to more masculine archetypes may seem like a feminist act, the way in which the media has portrayed these women is the exact opposite. These characters are romanticized for being “like a man,” and are portrayed to be more complex and interesting than any feminine character could ever be. The effects of this characterization of women are disastrous. Girls consuming media today are essentially told that they can only have substance so long as they only have “guy friends,” that they reject all notions of femininity, and that they shame their female peers for not doing the same. 

          The “I’m not like other girls” trope is also not as freeing and gender-role-defying as the media may want people to think. In many cases, the “masculine” role that female characters take on is not shown through the perspective of the woman herself, but through the brooding male love interest. This role, also known as a “Manic Pixie Dream Girl,” is not multidimensional at all, but their personality and interests exist solely in the realm where it can assist the character development of the male protagonist. For example, in John Green’s Looking For Alaska, the protagonist, Miles, meets the mysterious and beautiful Alaska Young, whose purpose, as it turns out, is to “imbue Miles’ life with meaning.” The Manic Pixie Dream Girl is just another cage for women and fantasy for men under the false allure of feminism. She is goofy and sarcastic but doesn’t make the male lead look bad, she is chaotic and carefree but not difficult, and best of all, she disappears as soon as the male lead becomes a better, new person. Who wouldn’t love her? 

          To combat the influx of “pick-me girls” in television and real life, people have resorted to mocking them. A “pick-me girl” is a girl who constantly seeks male attention—a girl that’s not like other girls. “Pick-me girls” carry internalized misogyny, as they attempt to morph themselves to appeal to men. However, bullying them is not the answer, and it only increases society’s constant berating of women. Women, especially teenage girls, aren’t allowed to simply exist, whether they act “masculine,” “feminine,” both, or neither, without prying eyes and judgments. Those who conform to the feminine role they have been forced into for centuries are told that they are “shallow,” and those who are masculine are told that they are “trying too hard.” Women have to always put on some sort of performance, an appearance, to be accepted by society—like putting on makeup or shaving their body, while many men (namely, white, cisgender, and heterosexual men who conform to the constructs of “masculinity”) can exist just as they are without doing such actions. It is those acts of inaction that men are permitted to do and that women are shamed for that make all the difference. To truly combat the internalized misogyny and outright sexism in the media, people must stop expecting and demanding women to act in a certain way, and shaming them if they don’t obey. Whether women choose to be “feminine,” “masculine,” neither, or both should be utterly up to them. So when representing female characters in the media, rather than shaming an entire group of people, give them personalities, complexities, and natures entirely separate from the men around them. And if they are like “other girls,” so what? It’s an amazing thing.