"What is going on with me? Why can't I see strait? Where am I? Why is it so hard to breath? Why did I take that stuff?"

Sometimes you do things that you normally wouldn't do when your upset or hurt or even lonely. Life changes and then your supposed to just cope with it, but i think not. I will cope with it my own way, filling an empty void that consumes you is usually hard but i find it easy. For a few moments at a time I can make myself feel nothing at all. My own happy bubble. For those few moments i feel free, escaping from my mind, body, and reality. I can be whatever I want to be and it feels amazing. Only one problem, it doesn't last long. I mean, yeah I feel good for a while but after I come down, it's back to the same old things. Heartbreak, death, feelings of sorrow, and guilt, alone and mad at the world. No matter what i do, I can't shake these feelings and it scars me that i won't be able to stop doing drugs. I am no longer in control, I am just a pawn, controlled by my weaknesses. I feel as if I can no longer function with out taking a hit or popping a pill, maybe even those couple drinks that get feel alright. I can't believe that I finally pulled myself out of this self destruction. I found the strength to set my life out strait, look at my mistakes and learn from them. Now i am finally free, for real this time.