I don’t understand you. I don’t get how your mood can change on a dime. I don’t get how sometimes you ignore me and seem so angry but other times you act like we are still the closest of friends. You confuse me. It has caused me so much pain and anxiety that I can’t tell you about because my trust in you that I had for so many years is gone. 

Here’s what I’ve been wanting to tell you:

To start, you need to know I don’t hate you. Not at all. On the other hand, I don’t love you like I did. All that love got smaller when you changed. Now, I can’t sit on a high horse and say that it was all you, I’ve changed a lot too, but in your changes you have put on blinders. You have become oblivious to many things in life, including me. I’ve gone through so much in the past six months, and not once have you noticed. I’m not hiding it inside, I’ve been told by many people that I have had obvious changes. At first I thought that you may have been occupied with your own issues and needed a break, and I get that, but I still feel like you should have taken some notice. I just felt ignored. The point is, I don’t hate you for changing, it’s only natural. It’s what you’ve done and assumed from these changes that has left me bitter. 

The second thing you need to know is that you have complained about things that I do, and then do them yourself. I need you to realize this. I know that you feel like I’m ignoring you now and that I refuse to speak to you, but that’s so incredibly wrong. I would like to point out that since the beginning of the year, the only time we’ve hung out outside of school is when I invite you somewhere. News flash: the phone goes both ways, and so do friendships. I’ve invited you places, but it’s never returned.  I’ve done my part to try and repair it, now it’s your turn. 

Lastly, I need you to realize that people grow and change. I’m sorry to break it to you, but it is unrealistic that we could stay best friends forever. We can easily stay friends, but being the closest of friends is impossible for us. We have both grown into completely different people than we were when we met. We’ve had different life experiences and lived in different places. I will always care about you, but our needs and priorities have changed. The amount of effort that it has taken to try and keep our relationship alive has exhausted me physically and mentally. Friendships shouldn’t do that. They shouldn’t be this hard, at least not the kind of friendship that I want in my life. 

The point of this wasn’t to make you upset. It wasn’t meant to cause drama or to say I hate you or to say I want you out of my life. This is a cry for help, a flare that I’ve sent up trying to get your attention. I don’t want us to grow so far apart we can’t come back to each other, but I can’t do it alone. I have already been beaten down by my own mind and problems in my family. I can’t hold the weight of this friendship too. So please, if you care, if you really want to keep me close, give me a hand. You’re one of my closest friends in life, and I don’t want that to change. Family raises you, but friends and friendships are what make you. You’ve been a huge part in making me who I am today, please don’t throw that away.