I set the alarm for 5:30 a.m.yet again as the new year rolls around, part life changing again. Summer has ended, and with it, a series of seemingly long and boring days has come to an end and I can finally have some form of purpose again. It’s possible, however, that this year could end up like last year though I would seriously doubt it. If there is anything I’ve learned thus far, life changes. When I thought about going back to highschool it made me remember when I first started it in the first place. I told myself this year is going to be different. I am going to stay on top of things this year, I don’t need to make any friends, I don’t need to talk to anyone, everyday is going to be work. Well, it didn’t exactly work that way and I doubt it did for anyone who thought the same thing. I remember the ride on the bus there before I had a car so kindly loaned to me by my parents. It was an absolute mess, the bus got there on what was supposed to be on time but they didn’t account for traffic and we made it there late. After a while of that mess each day, they finally made the busses arrive at our stop earlier. The bus gets there about 6:30 a.m. now which is the reason I had to get up at 5:30 then and now, even though I don't take the bus anymore. I started to eat the breakfast they served at school, an actually decent croissant breakfast sandwich because I didn’t have time to eat at home anymore. I’d take my sandwich and went to go find my first hour class and eat my sandwich in front of the classroom while I wait for the bell to ring.

The first day is always the same, “Take this home to your parents, have it signed and brought back by the end of the week.” every class is the same too. Teachers give the same introduction over and over again and they all say the same thing, “I know you’re going to hear this in every class today but…” and it continues. The first day ends, then it becomes the first week and the rest of year begins. I didn’t want my life to change that much, I don’t think anyone else did either. Sure people wanted a new scene to make a new social life, but even that didn’t happen. No matter what I or anyone else wanted, life changed with or without our approval. I have my friends back now, some of old and some of new, I wanted to stay solitary and alone but that didn’t happen. I lived my life in a bubble but it had already deviated from the plan to make myself better. There were people in my class that I never said a word to or learned their name and to this day, have no idea who they were. Those people could be sitting next to me and class today and I wouldn't recognize them. The year went on, next thing I knew I had a group of friends I spent time with each day, people I could talk to in class and people I collaborated with in group assignments. The enemies I had made before blurred away, I forgot all about them which was a relief because I never saw or thought about them again. High school is different because here, there are too many people around to care what stupid thing I was doing with my friends, they only cared about themselves and I don’t blame them because I sure wasn’t thinking about them. I was in my own little social group, which was nothing I had planned for, it just happened. The change isn’t always bad but it's inevitable. I had classes with a few friends back then but that changed too. The time passes quicker than expected, I didn’t even notice how long school actually lasted. It didn’t matter anymore, I was happily content with my life at the time and made many accomplishments throughout the year. I had my downfalls and dark moments to which I thought. “This is the worst, why do I even bother? What is the point, I’m already too far behind, might as well just get through it.”  Despite those moments, I could pick my head up no matter what and march on, even if I had some rough patches.

Then first day of the second year starts, I found my friends and shared schedules this time but I didn’t have any classes with them this year, at least we could share the same lunch. The classes are the same, the teachers give out this years variety of papers and say, “Take this home to your parents, have it signed and brought back by the end of the week.” The teachers say, “I know you’ll  hear this in every class but…” It continues, this year, I was confident, The new plan was to stay on track even better than last year, I had experience now, I can fix what I did wrong last year and be absolutely perfect this year. Instead, I sealed my fate with overconfidence and the failures piled up on my relentlessly due to a lurking laziness that slaughtered me. The second year was painfully rough for me, though, my friends stayed the same, but I changed, I grew a little bit but the mistakes I made linger, and are ingrained in my head. They stay with me even today and I wish I could’ve gone back. Even though I know I can’t, I want to. The third year came around and, it’s been going. Certainly not as bad as last year which is a painful memory when I actually think back to it, but I don’t know for certain if it has been better or worse than the first year. I’m doing better now but somehow, I feel worse and I can’t explain it.

Plans change all the time, I know that from experience. I had a plan when I first came here my first year and I had a plan when I came back my second year. I had a plan coming in this year, my third year, yet even though I haven’t stuck to it as much as I could have and though I’m probably due for a change, when the plan worked out, it didn’t at the same time. I performed well enough but I don’t necessarily feel successful or good about it. It, however is time to move forward and make a new plan. Part of me knows it will fail, and I know that I will just make another but that’s what life seems to be all about. Making a plan, having a wrench thrown into it and adapting around it by changing the plan. That’s what I’m going to do, change the plan and succeed the best I can. Time to launch, a new chapter in my life.