Advice to the Student Athlete

As an experienced student athlete, absolutely thriving in the splendid, shining high school atmosphere, I have been told by the great being that guides us all to advise other students about the school, practice, homework, gym, practice, club, practice, friend, family, practice, extended family, extended extended family, practice, life balance. But the balance hardly exists, the focus of every student, beyond a doubt, should be their athletic career. Because with 123+ different sports available, you must be good at one of them without extra training, right? There is a multitude and wide variety of sports that are just at your fingertips; from what I know just off the top of my head, there is Volleyball, Basketball, Soccer, Baseball, Curling, Ping Pong, Online Gaming, Quidditch, Underwater Basket Weaving and many many more! Oh, and don’t forget Football! Who cares if collision after collision after collision with your head could cause permanent damage? No one! You’ll never need your brain in the workforce, anyways. But if you want to get ahead in your sport- I mean High school, you should simply follow my advice.

Hard Work and Dedication, your coach will appreciate it… and maybe your teachers might even like it too. The best way to get ahead is relentless, pushing to the brink of exhaustion style dedication. Who cares if you are exhausted and feel like you don’t have any time for yourself? No one wants yourself, they just want your mad sportz skills. Get those gains and do another thousand reps. Who cares if you’re dying from all your limbs being broken? I’ll tell you again, no one. Ball is life, bro. Your grades might be falling apart to the brink of not getting into even a community college, but as long as you are failing only three classes, you can play! And if you can play, a college will just pick you out of nowhere and your dreams will come true. Just stay dedicated and work hard, at ONLY your sport. Everything else will fall into place around that… right?

Balance. Ah yes, the infamous eat sleep sport repeat balance. Clearly on this one, the balance needs to be a one sided scale. If you are playing a sport, you are an athlete. Forget the student part, first and foremost is your sports. With 150.99% of all athletes from every school across America being drafted onto a college team and achieving their dreams, you clearly have nothing to sweat. Forget your school work entirely, because what even is a GPA and why would that matter when you’ve got the most insane double loop triple jump dunk goal to ever happen, ever! It doesn’t matter, because clearly a school can make an exception for your 0.3 GPA. Or heck, you could skip College and go straight to the pros! Because a subpar student can clearly keep up with Lebron James and Lionel Messi and Conor McGregor when you get drafted to play Football.

The only thing that matters in the High School Experience is being good at a sport. Some people might say that you should study for finals and maybe work on your homework, or dare they say it… get some rest? They might even be so bold to suggest balancing your life evenly. Well I’ll let you know, the haters just wanna be you. They’re just jealous of your wicked skills on the court. Student Athlete grind never stops.