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As A Child
I thought the world was happy
When I was a child
I was very unaware
That the future was wild
I didn’t know sadness
I didn’t know grief
I only knew skinned knees
And pains so brief
Falling off bikes
And teasing from brothers
I didn’t know suffering
Or friends leaving for others
I never had to think
About heartbreak at all
I never had to worry
So I never knew I’d fall
The way that I grew up
Ruined my older years
I was sheltered from pain
And now I just shed tears
People ended up leaving
And all that I thought
Was “it’s all my fault”
That they left me to rot
I thought no one cared
About anything I said
I helped people with problems
Though I needed help instead
I wouldn't leave these people
I had stupid persistence
I wanted to feel better
I just needed assistance
Then as I got older
I discovered a spark
It was a relief from pain
But still left me in the dark
I thought I’d be strong
That I had a good heart
But I now knew love
And it tore me apart
I rarely felt grief
Having gone numb
Yet I craved a certain love
And God, I felt dumb
I was different from friends
In a new way now
I tried to explain it
I just didn’t know how
Confined to my head
With stupid thoughts
My words raced around
And came out in knots
I wasn’t good with words
But I really did try
In the end all they did
Was come out so dry
I never asked for approval
I tried keeping my distance
Then once again
I questioned my existence
I questioned that and more
Everything, in fact
I didn’t have great trust
But my reasons were backed
I knew people cared
I knew that was true
Yet if they did leave
What would I do
I’m learning new happiness
With friends who lend a hand
They’re the best that I have
And I love them with all I am
This isn’t my end
Just a page in a story
It’s not very pretty
And far from any glory
I’m still not as happy
As I was as a child
Not yet, at least
But life’s more mild
Sure I’m still pained
But I’m no longer a shell
I’ve gotten much better
My life isn’t pure hell
After my hardships
I became more free
I’m no longer a child
And I’m finding the real me
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