Sandra.  A royal name. People think of the Alexandras and the Cassandras of the world. people who represent higher powers. Thrones of sophistication, grace. The sleek deep purple silk robes. long and soft, flowing behind each king or queen, prince or princess, like a river of fabric. It  trails to the feet of the powerful, and lands at the face of the weak.

A Greek name meaning “Protector of man”. Someone people look to for guidance. A position I do not hold. 

My name gives people an  expectation that I can’t fulfill. I run to my name,  trying to catch on and hold it. To be enough for the title that I was given at birth. But I fall short, my fingers slipping. The effort isn't enough. I’m weak, a follower, and selfish.

But Strength is a relative term. The strength of the mind and the strength of the body. 

Strength of mind. Mentally lifting the weight of peoples opinions and words. Raising barriers to protect your mind from the stinging words and suffocating insults coming from your people. protector. taking the world in full stride. Looking at every situation through the eyes of multiple people. Seeing all sides of things. 

I must protect myself and the people around me from the heat of the world. To be a protector I need strength. This is strength.

Physical strength.The amount of muscle that ripples on your body when you move your arms. The amount of weight you can carry on your shoulders. the outward appearance of a leader. Someone who looks powerful is powerful. They have the ability to take charge without question.

 My name means protector and to protect means strength, leaving the constant question pulling at my mind, am I strong enough?

To be a leader. To have strength. The biases of a protector. The basis of who I am. The building blocks set for me to climb, pulling myself up till I reach the top. To grab the top and hold on to it. 

I grab my name and I take it for all it is. I hold onto it, I give it my best shot. I put worth to my name. I finally give my name the meaning it deserves. Sandra