I glare at the place where I grew up.

My stomach in knots,

the hair on the back of my neck stands up.

Why am I crying?

I hated that place.

Why is there a lump in my throat?

As I lay in the grass, I think about my dog,

She’s the reason I’m laying here, not wanting to leave.

She’s the reason I stayed so long. 

How can I miss a place that treats me so badly?

How can I cry over someone that hurt me?

How can I stay at a place when all it does is break me?

The wind blows my hair around,

murky jet black thunder clouds roll in.

An aroma of woodsy crisp air fills my nostrils. 

I feel calm, capable and composed.

I empathize with my family.

I dry my tears and fully compose myself.

I reason with the thought of leaving.

My brother needs me,

I’ll miss him and my old farm dog.

It begins to pour.

I sprint as fast as I can back inside.

I'm drenched.

My dad’s face is wrenched with guilt.

My brother has flush skin and bloodshot eyes.

Daisy wags her tail and greets me.

The lightning cracks across the sky,

roaring thunder shakes the room.

The wind chimes dance in the wind.

At least they're having a good time. 

I look down at my wrist,

a bruise begins to form.

I look at the side of my brother’s face–

blood stains his cheek as 

he tenderly touches the delicate pink surface.

We sit in silence.

No one moving a muscle,

I choke back tears. 

I feel empathy for my father.

My heart aches for my brother and myself.

I decide to stay—but for who? 

Here I am…

Ready to do it all over again. 

Staying for them or is it for me?