I was oldest child 

of four in a 

strict

narcissistic family.

I learned later on

nothing matter more

than their opinions. 

I’ve held a dog 

in my arms

and felt the love,

soft human hair coat.

Missing the dog

I went through

everything in my life.

Being heartbroken. 

I’ve heard yelling

through walls from

across the house.

I lost my best friend

and my pet 

cat, Franklin, 

in 12 hours.

I’ve held

a new puppy

in my arms,

getting her bearings

after leaving her old family 

and meeting her new family.

A kid,

Izzy,

despized me 

for being friends

with someone else.

We eventually became 

Best Friends

until she moved away.

My parents

tell me all the time

let people go

they aren’t right for you,

don’t put in all the work.

Leave. 

It’s hard.

I’ve had 

impactful teachers.

I tell you truthfully

Oshkosh, Wisconsin

has nothing

to do. 

And I have

been brutal,

telling people the  truth

truth and 

hurting their feelings.

I saw my parents fight

I saw my parents fight

over and over

on nights,

in public

in private.

I’m still blossoming,

through everything.

I once was screamed at

by my mom’s anger

for wanting my dad

after long days

not seeing him for days

just because I was “sleeping.”

I once longed

for a normal life.

I once was longing to be a

normal middle schooler.

And only once

ate half a

Durian cookie during Christmas

regretting my life.

Wishing time 

would slow down 

to experience more 

family traditions

and longing for more trips.

I’ve driven through

lots of states

and loved Tennessee 

the most 

in the world.

My family loves

vacations.

I have always

gone on vacations:

to the beach

to the mountains

to the middle of nowhere.

Time is coming 

to the end

which is depressing.

I’ve melted

my fears

away by new things.

Always afraid 

turned to 

“let’s do it”. 

Once I learned 

from my father

“Don’t say you can’t”

you can do anything 

your mind is put to.

Going through a

depression stage

not being able to see my dad

during COVID

and I’ve often

lost myself.

It found me:

Music

I never knew

the power music had.

It carried me

through tough times.

Coldplay, Sparks

Lord Huron, The Night We Met

Sleeping At Last, Touch.

Wondering if it will be the same

missing my father.

Dark rooms.

Showering in the dark 

with Music.

Going to my first 

concert after COVID

seeing the power music has. 

I’ve been scared

by monsters

in the dark room.

I have stashed

a small wood box

for memories of

senior year

Pictures of no longer friends,

new semesters,

vacations,

all in the wooden box.

Senior quote

by Luke Combs.

Seeing him in concert healed me

screaming till my voice gave out.

I’ve felt the 

spinning light headed,

pain from falling down the stairs

waking up on the ground

not remembering how 

I ended up there.

To this day

having pain 

in my big toe

hitting the door, slam,

my mom scared and wondering 

what happened.

Realizing many people 

love and care 

about me.

I have half a year of school.

My backpack is torn up

from all the tossing up. 

I am scared but ready

for big plans in the future. 

Annabelle Brest